May Not be Going Straight but Forward Enough

As I approached this morning like every other morning, I had to share a humorous observation and perhaps offer our married children a way to handle many an aggravation between the sexes.

Take this scenario:

Hubby goes down to our basement to use the treadmill:
1. Descends the stairs
2. Lowers the treadmill for use
3. Sets his music for use
4. Walks nowhere for 45 minutes
5. Returns upstairs

Once he is done down there I think to empty last night's load of laundry in the dryer:
1. Descend those same stairs.
Notice the foot dirt and pet hair collected in the corners and grab the dust pan to clean it up.
Notice cat vomit on one of the steps so I return upstairs for a paper towel to clean it up.
2. Immediately smell the dirty litter boxes so clean up the litter boxes.
3. Grab the dust pan again to sweep up the scattered litter around the litter boxes.
4. As I throw away the bag of litter waste, I remember it is trash day tomorrow so pull the trash bag.
5. Notice that the pets' water bowl is empty so fill it.
6. Pick up a forgotten jacket thrown over the cat tree which of course was now sprinkled with cat hair
7. Pick up the now empty cat dishes from their earlier breakfast.
8. Carry the trash bag, jacket and dirty cat dishes upstairs.
9. Gather the trash from all the trash cans in other rooms and take the it up to the road.
10. Lint roller the cat hair from the jacket and hang it where it belongs.
11. Wash the dirty pet dishes
12. Go back downstairs to get that laundry from the dryer.

And the point is?

Men have an agenda in mind. They go from point A to point B...straight line

Women also have an agenda in mind. They go from point A and get detoured. Point B is reached...eventually.



There is a line from a song that goes "Don't go straight, go forward". That is kind of what it is like for a woman. She goes forward through her day but may find it impossible to simply stay on a straight path. That is because she notices everything around her at the same time! Men usually just notice what they intended on doing at that moment. That is where so many times women misunderstand men. They interpret a man's way of doing things as lazy or inconsiderate. If a woman wants her man to do something she has to write it down and post it somewhere for him as a reminder. Stop beating your head against the wall from the frustration of why you come home and find the house in the same disarray as you left it. I don't mean to generalize, since of course this doesn't apply to all males, but oftentimes men just don't notice things the way a woman does. If you want him to clean up the place he needs a detailed list of what you want done. Don't expect the typical man to notice or even care if the laundry is still in the dryer, if the dishes are still in the sink, or even if the dog's been let out to pee.

Remember the Women's March and the sea of pink hats? During the time it takes for a woman to knit something, her mind has never stopped. Just like those knitting needles in constant motion and the yarn being turned and woven in and out, a woman's mind is a swirl. That swirl makes her a whiz at multitasking but it can also allow for that swirl to gather steam and eventually explode. Kind of what is happening behind that march.

A Toast to our Children in the Blessing of Marriage

Weddings are a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to gather, put aside their differences, and focus on the happiness of two people united in love and their new chapter in life. As parents, we can only hope the nervous bride and groom can focus on the service enough to get anything out of its message. The Pastor gave some very important messages for any of us striving for a successful and lasting relationship.

People often view their partner as the missing piece needed to make them whole. We cannot view ourselves as an incomplete puzzle with our partner as that missing piece. It sounds romantic to speak poetic like that but to take it literally puts the partner in the position to feel pressured and in prt responsible for the other person's happiness. We are not a possession of one another.

The secret of a healthy relationship is to not say to ourselves, "Am I loved?", but rather say "Am I loving?". To continually question whether we are loved does nothing but put the other person in the position to feel tested and having to prove his/her love. We are told that love is a verb, which is true. To love is an action, but we have to stop interpreting every little annoying thing our spouse does as failing us in some way. that "if he loved me he wouldn't be so thoughtless" or "if he loved me he would already know that without me having to tell him". That patter of thinking adds to our own insecurity which soon puts a wedge between two people. Insecurity becomes very draining to any type of relationship and the end result is the desire to escape.

To ask ourselves whether we are loving forces us to observe our behavior and how we must appear to that other person. It puts us outside of ourselves in a better position to focus on where our energy is being spent; are we focusing more on giving or receiving.

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A PERSON OR A SITUATION, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THAT PERSON OR SITUATION.
There are often occasions that we are up against the wall and come to realize that we just have to "accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Once you fully accept "it is what it is", a tremendous burden will be lifted.

When two people both hold their ground over their differences, emotions tend to escalate and things just get worse. Whether the other person is "wrong" or not isn't the point. What matters is that the only thing we can change is our attitude.

FOCUS ON THE FAULTS OF YOURSELF AND THE GOODNESS IN YOUR PARTNER.
Too often we expect our partner to behave as we would in a given situation. It is almost like we wish that person to be a version of ourselves. It is much easier to find fault in someone else or the circumstances of a situation than to stand back and take a hard look at ourselves. It takes work and an open mind to seek self-improvement and self-enlightenment without the defense mechanisms of denial and projection standing in the way.  You'll get much farther with communication if you make an effort to build up that person rather than tear down. The two words you should try not to use are "never" and "always". Those words immediately put the other person on the defensive which can easily send the conversation downhill rather quickly.

TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER IS A GIFT.
Everything about what makes that person a unique individual is now yours to share and vice versa. Obviously, those traits are what each person fell in love with in the first place. Yet it is so easy to loose focus on any of that once the honeymoon phase is past and life settles into an everyday routine with all the pressures and worries of reality. Make a point to regularly stand back and appreciate this person who actually wants to share a life with you. Once you realize that this person standing before you is a gift from God everything about them becomes more amazing and something to treasure.

Everyone has their own beliefs in the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Relationships are so much easier and stronger when both partners share in those convictions. The world doesn't revolve around us and those who share the security of seeking a higher power for strength and guidance relieve themselves of the drain of worrying about that which is beyond our control.

THE RING IS A SIGN OF THE LOVE AND FIDELITY OF THE ONE WHO GIVES IT. 
That ring was placed on the finger by your partner. Don't think its meaning is simply a love that never ends. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you! The wedding rings are never taken off because we're to see it as an ongoing reminder of the promise made to us by that other person.





The tears and emotions flooding through every parent who has witnessed the most memorable, important event in the lives of their children can be impossible to put into words. Years of images topple over one another in a flash of memory as we symbolically hand over our children to begin a life outside of our own.

So now it is time to turn the page and begin another chapter in this book we call life.

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 19, May 7 - May 13

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

May 7
"What you know in your head will not sustain you in moments of crisis...confidence comes from body awareness, knowing what you feel in the moment."
Marion Woodman

Our feelings are what makes us human, yet we live in a society that tends to see feelings as fickle, irrational and unnecessary for the road to personal success. Maybe for a robotic society that may be correct but certainly not for the success of what makes for the intricate beings we really are. Feelings are a gift that brings us in touch with the world we live in, that connects us with each other, gives us the signals we need to read behavior and cope with life in general.

May 8
"She would greet us pleasantly, and immediately she seemed to surround the chaotic atmosphere of morning strife with something of order, of efficient and quiet uniformity, so that one had the feeling that life was small and curiously ordered."
Meridel LeSueur

We can all relate to situations such as this. The domino effect is happening and things may appear to be getting out of hand. One person's high-strung energy may be trying to emit control and order but in doing so, that charged, nervous energy is filtering around the room creating tension. Another person in the same situation may give off a quiet, confident presence that others tend to gravitate towards; calm, cool and collected. Order that comes from such a person is so much more peaceful, the definition of serenity.

May 9
"You can get lonesome-being that busy."
Isabel Lennart

People who are overly busy all the time may read this and dismiss it. The truth may be that it is possible to not realize we are lonely because we don't stop long enough to be in touch with what we are feeling. Our work can be like a jealous lover, demanding more and more. It is good to be productive, but not at the expense of intimacy and time needed to nurture our relationships with those we love.

May 10
"So instant intimacy was too often followed by disillusion."
May Sarton

While it is possible to feel an instant connection with someone, it is a mistake to think if we find the right person we'll know immediately that this is the one. True intimacy is a process that takes time and if you don't have time for what that involves, then the relationship probably won't develop beyond a quick flame that fizzles rather quickly. It is said that instant intimacy is one of the characteristics of addictive relationships.

May 11
"Each woman is being made to feel it is her own cross to bear if she can't be the perfect clone of the male superman and the perfect clone of the feminine mystique."
Betty Friedan

Sometimes there is just too much to do, too many roles to play, and too much pressure to be and do it all. The way to handle life when the vise starts to tighten is to realize that we have the power to control its turning. Rather than blocking out the anguish all the stress is causing and thinking we are weak if we admit it, we would be much better off if we would just acknowledge what is happening and step out away from it.

May 12
"I wish I'd a knowed more people. I would of loved 'em all. If I'd a knowed more, I would loved more."
Toni Morrison

There is no limit to the amount of love we can share. Love is an energy that is shared because we have it, simple as that. It should not be dolled out as a means to get something in return. It should not be parceled out in piecemeal due to the fear that to give freely will only get us hurt. Love is something that flows out of out deep sense of loving ourselves. It is not possible to love another if we don't know and love ourselves. Once we love who we are, we'll be much more open to getting to know other people. We'll soon learn there is plenty of that love to go around and the reserves won't be drained dry.

May 13
"The thing about having a baby is that thereafter you have it."
Jean Kerr

While it is true that babies are born a clean slate, it is a disillusion to think we can shape them how we see fit and they'll stay that way. Parenting is an intimate, interactive process that continues for the rest of our lives. Only when we stop with the fantasy child image can we begin to see who these little people really are. And when we do that it is a great step in giving our children the autonomy they need to develop into independent adults.



To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25
Week 13 March 26 - April 1 

Week 14 April 2 - April 8 
Week 15 April 9 - April 15 
Week 16 April 16 - April 22
Week 17 April 23 - 29 

Week 18 April 30 - May 6

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 18, April 30 - May 6

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 30
"One of the reasons our society has become such a mess is that we're isolated from each other."
Maggie Kuhn

A characteristic of any addiction is that the person tends to cut herself off from people. Women who do too much are no different. Priorities tend to get out of balance and getting the work done takes precedence over social events. By not having the time to reach out to people, we tend to forget how. After declining enough invitations, people often stop asking.We tend to feel if we're just left alone we'll have more time, feel less stress and more accomplished. But in the end, all we feel is exhausted. Workaholics needs to learn the difference between isolation and solitude.

May 1
"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."
Mary Jean Iron

All we really have is the moment we are in right now. Too often we squander the treasure of what today has to offer and regret it later because we can never get those lost moments back. We have to remember that the past is done and the future my never be. Today may be just a normal day, but it is a gift.

May 2
"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels."
Faith Whittlesey

Being good at what we do is not a curse, nor something to feel vain if acknowledged. Humility can be the denial of an expertise, which is a loss to not only ourselves but to others who could benefit from our gifts. Our strange culture seems to want us competitive and passive at the same time. It takes courage to acknowledge how good we are at what we do and be proud of it.

May 3
"That was a time when only the dead could smile."
Anna Akhmatova

As with any addiction, hitting bottom is often what it takes to force one to make some changes. Once the depths of despair have been reached and the journey back out has been successful, the feeling of relief, and the joy for the chance of a new life, can be some of the most accomplished feelings of a lifetime.

May 4
"Yesterday is a cancelled check. tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is cash in hand; spend it wisely."
Anonymous

Too bad there isn't a name to give credit to this wise analogy. Nothing kills the present moment quicker than worrying about what hasn't happened yet or stewing over things that have happened that we cannot change. We need to do our lives, not just think about it.

May 5
"The social workers have named a new syndrome. It's called "compassion fatigue." Why does it sound so familiar?"
Anne Wilson Schaef

As a society, we are trained that if we take care of people, they in turn will take care of us. Relationships are built on taking care of each other, and if we took care first, we would certainly get the same in return. How naive we feel when we get the rude awakening that this isn't always how it turns out. Not everyone shares that feeling of obligation. Human nature has it that too often the more we take care of people, the more they seem to want. It doesn't take long before caregivers are drained emotionally and physically, and the feelings of being overwhelmed result in resentment. Recognizing that those feelings are very normal helps with the guilt over feeling that way about someone you love.

May 6
"Make a prayer acknowledging yourself as a vehicle of light, giving thanks for the good that has come that day and an affirmation of intent to live in harmony with all your relations."
Dhyani Ywahoo

Part of any healing and recovery is that we begin to see the good that we do each day and the good that comes to us each day. We tend to really understand gratitude. We begin to live in harmony with those around us and treasure those relationships. 



To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1 
Week 14 April 2 - April 8 
Week 15 April 9 - April 15 
Week 16 April 16 - April 22

Week 17 April 23 - April 29

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 17, April 23 - April 29

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 23
"Shit work is infinitely safe. In exchange for doing it you can extract an unconscionable return...the women's pound of flesh."
Colette Dowling

Let's face it, a lot of the work women do is shit work. We do it because it has to get done, as mundane as it can get. Of course there are other things we would rather be doing and we do get tired of cleaning up after others. I think the point Colette is making here is that we cannot get ourselves in the habit of making others feel guilty with our sulky attitude. We may not be able to change a situation at the moment but we can change our attitude towards the situation. If we can make a change, then start the ball rolling to make necessary changes. Seek other employment, be more assertive with your wants, if able, pay for outside help in the home, learn to direct others to help out, and there is always the option to just say no.

April 24
"Out of the strain of the Doing, Into the peace of the Done."
Julia Louise Woodruff

There is always work to be done and ideally, when a task or project is complete we can stand back and be proud of ourselves for a job well done. If we believe in the "work before play" philosophy then once the work is done there is no problem with then going off and having a good time. The problem with workaholics is that they never feel okay with "being done". There is a sense of guilt with doing nothing, as if they are wasting time, as if they'll be judged as being lazy. Should someone walk in and "catch them" there is the impulse to jump up. Being projectless and being worthless are not synonymous. Where does this guilt all start anyway?

April 25
"The experience of God, or in any case the possibility of experiencing God, is innate."
Alice Walker

We as humans have a natural yearning to believe in something greater than ourselves. There is no need to seek out professional advice on how to "find" God. We don't have to look for the possibility of experiencing a greater power, it is already within us. The key is to stop thinking there is an instruction book. There is no need to get so into rituals that we neglect the necessity to seek within ourselves in order to feel something.

April 26
"The season is changeable, fitful, and maddening as I am myself these days that are cloaked with too many demands and engagements."
May Sarton

When we do not recognize the signs telling us that we have become overloaded, we end up in situations that involve drama, emotion, misunderstandings and unintended outbursts. The classic red flag that we need time for ourselves is if we constantly say to ourselves, "I wish I could just be left alone." Keep it up and you will be left alone because bridges will be burned and people will avoid you. We have to become better at taking care of ourselves, taking necessary time outs and avoid such a crisis.

April 27
"I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude."
Judith M. Knowlton

Once our judgement gets to the point that we feel in a corner and trapped, we forget about the power of compromise. To feel there are no options other than to stay in a situation or else leave, is often just not true. Often it is not the situation that is keeping us stuck but our attitude about our situation. To lighten or shift perspective isn't denying the right you have to feel as you do, but if the burden is harming your mental and physical health, perhaps it is time to let it go.

April 28
"Oh, it was a glorious morning! I suppose the best kind of spring morning is the best weather God has to offer. It certainly helps one to believe in Him."
Dodie Smith

When we go through our days and barely notice the change of seasons, it is time to stop and look up. Too often when we listen to the weather report it is for no other reason than to know ahead of time if we will be held up with snow, ice, rain or fog. Those who live in the city are especially prone to missing out on the many gifts of the great outdoors. Taking the time to appreciate a beautiful day is wonderful for reducing stress and perhaps the needed nudge to start living in the moment.

April 29
"All women hustle. Women watch faces, voices, gestures, moods. The person who has to survive through cunning."
Marge Piercy

The ability to notice detail is a wonderful skill. But many of us preen this skill only to evaluate and prepare for every situation we are in. Our fear that whatever we do will not be enough or that we are not enough to really matter anyway, results in living as though our very survival depended on knowing just how to act. There comes a time when we should just say, "enough already, this is who I am, accept it."


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1 
Week 14 April 2 - April 8 
Week 15 April 9 - April 15 
Week 16 April 16 - April 22

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 16, April 16 - April 22

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 16
"Dependency invites encroachment."
Patricia Meyer Spacks

This day's meditation starts with a statement that makes one stop and think..really?
"We women who do too much are terrified of being dependent." She says our fear of dependency often results in behavior that looks like independence. We have trouble asking for help because we don't trust anyone. If that is true than I know several women who appear so very strong in handling things, it is a shocker to think they could have issues of their own. Supposedly, we need to define ourselves in terms other than dependency, to not let others form our identities for us, and then we'll be free to bring our true selves to our relationships with people.

April 17
"The new space...has a kind of invisibility to those who have not entered it."
Mary Daly

In our desire to keep everything under control, we find it very difficult to leap into the unknown. To change our ways requires faith in a journey in which we cannot be sure of the way. That can be terrifying to someone who knows there has to be a better way but lets fear hold them back. All it takes is that first step.

April 18
"And to all those voices of wisdom that have whispered to me along the way."
Dhyani Ywahoo

There have been voices of wisdom all around us all our lives. Some of that wisdom has been learned from others and some has been self-taught, but all of it usually came at the time we needed it most. There are so many people who love to share their experiences and knowledge. Appreciation and gratitude are wonderful.

April 19
"Sometimes I wish I had suction cups to hold me down."
Pam

Why is it so hard for some of us to just stay in a seat! The wheels are always turning and sometimes we may feel powerless to control that urge to do something and do it right now. We can be powerful women at the same time as we can be powerless over our crazy lives. What a relief to know that if we just turn everything over to a power greater than ourselves, the pressure is greatly reduced to a level of sanity.

April 20
"You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality."
Flonda Scott Maxwell

We all need a reality check once in a while. We need to stop and take a thorough inventory of who we are and what we have done, both the good and the bad. This is much more than just focusing on things we could have done differently. This is about realizing the many positive qualities that make us who we are. Acknowledge the whole package deal and like it. Only then can we be on the path to becoming who we are.

April 21
"Until the missing story of ourselves is told, nothing besides told can suffice us: we shall go on quietly craving it."
Laura Riding

We cannot possibly offer what we have until we know just who we are. The most important journey we will ever take is the journey inward. Each of us is a unique combination of heredity and experiences, and no one else can offer what our individuality can offer. We just have to slow down and take the time to find out what there is about us that is so special. It would be a real shame to waste that potential offering in this life.

April 22
"When self-respect takes its rightful place in the psyche of woman, she will not allow herself to be manipulated by anyone."
Indira Mahindra

There are many aspects of ourselves that merit self-respect. Our competency, our flexibility, our ability to multitask, to articulate our ideas, our organizational skills, the list goes on. People around us need to accept our contributions as strengths and give us the respect we deserve. And we need to demand that self-respect from ourselves by not being manipulated.


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1 
Week 14 April 2 - April 8 
Week 15 April 9 - April 15

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK FIFTEEN, April 9 - April 15

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 9
"The prayer that reforms the sinner and heals the sick is an absolute faith that all things are possible to God."
Mary Baker Eddy

They say that part of the solution to one's problems is recognizing that there is a problem. The climb up the ladder of success can lead to the discovery that one cannot appear innocent, but rather must appear cynical and sophisticated. As the craziness escalates, part of the insanity of it all comes from our lack of being able to recognize that life has indeed become insane. A return to sanity comes once we let ourselves believe that all things are not controllable.

April 10
"Ah, duty is an icy shadow"
Augusta Evans

Duty becomes the excuse for many of our life's choices. We neglect those we love and justify the behavior as our duty to our family. Granted, this cannot be avoided when we do what we have to do to make a living. The problem comes when our work is an unhealthy addiction and suffering is the result of feeding that addiction.

April 11
"A mark of a true workaholic is cleaning house in your underwear."
Coleen

While this day's advise is very true, I have to wonder how life can realistically be any different. Many of us with so much to do cannot walk from point A to point B without getting distracted by seeing something that needs to be done and getting sidetracted even if just for a moment. I suppose the problem lies in the fact that the constant distractions leave us without a sense of completion. I've often felt that some things are done half-a***d rather than done right, but at least good enough.

April 12
"I hate weekends. There's no structure. There's no compass. How will I know what to do if I don't have to do it?"
Susan

This one hit home, wow. Yes, weekends can result in anxiety when there is so much I could be doing that won't get done because I'm supposed to be doing something fun.  Open ended days of "relaxation", without structure can be difficult. A real shame when our busyness gets in the way of quality time with our family.

April 13
"They sicken of the calm that know the storm."
Dorothy Parker

How many people tell themselves they function best under pressure. The adrenaline rush that comes with fresh projects and new lists to check off is fine, unless we find ourselves easily bored without the stress. Continuously getting ourselves in a whirlwind of commitments is an addiction when our health and relationships begin to feel the strain.

April 14
"Long term change requires looking honestly at our lives and realizing that it's nice to be needed, but not at the expense of our health, our happiness, and our sanity."
Ellen Sue Stern

Being a "yes" person is very rewarding but there has to be a limit. We have to know when to say "no" and not feel guilty over disappointing someone. Careaholism is an addiction too. Volunteering is wonderful but realize that if there seems to be a deep down resentment forming for being asked once again, it is time to take a step back.

April 15
"With him for a sire and her for a dam, What should I be but just what I am?"
Edna St. Vincent Millay

Accepting ourselves just the way we are with both strengths and weaknesses, without ego getting in the way, is a step in the right direction. Being able to admit that we just aren't that good at something without feeling less of ourselves, as well as acknowledging our strong points without inflated fuss is the path to being emotionally healthy people.


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1 
Week 14 April 2 - April 8

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK FOURTEEN, April 2 - April 8

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 2

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
Grace Hansen

For many of us, our everyday lives are a slow death. The constant rushing around, the pressure to accomplish, the continuous exhaustion...
Many of us have a fear of dying, yet do we use that inevitable part of life as an escape from the real fear which is fully living our lives? We become so comfortable with our busyness that we tend to avoid focusing on being really present in the now.

April 3

"Any addiction is a falling into unconsciousness."
Marion Woodman

Einstein said, "Insanity is the tendency to do the same thing again and again and expecting a different outcome." Addictions involving alcohol and drugs affect our thinking and judgement, we know that. We need to acknowledge that the tendency to overwork may also be an addiction clouding our thinking. Before we can feel better we have to realize how destructive our habits can be in that we become numb and go through our days in a state of wakeful unconsciousness.

April 4
"Integrity is so perishable in the summer months of success."
Venessa Redgrave

It is important to periodically stop and reflect on the decisions we have made. How many occasions have there been where we look the other way or take the easy road just to avoid conflict. How many times do we sacrifice our integrity on issues that deep down are very important to us. To block out these slips of our integrity will slowly eat away at you.

April 5
"The motions and patterns and connections of things became apparent on a gut level."
Robyn Davidson

The moments when we feel a oneness and connection with all things can be a magical thing. But in trying to explain it to others, we tend to lose the experience. This is one reason why time alone with just yourself for company is so important in order to learn to trust your gut and just "be".

April 6
"The clouds gathered together, stood still and watched the river scuttle around the forest floor, crash headlong into haunches of hills with no notion of where it was going, until exhausted, ill and grieving, it slowed to a stop just twenty leagues short of the sea."
Toni Morrison

What a beautiful analogy to how many of us battle ourselves trying to reach our goals. We tend to beat ourselves up over every rock in our river's path that creates some waves in our journey. We need to realize that no one can avoid failure and that though there is no straight path we can still go forward.

April 7
"Life ought to be a struggle of desire toward adventures whose nobility will fertilize the soul."
Rebecca West

When we spend all of our waking time focused on work-related issues, we tend to lose awareness of things going on outside of that sphere. Needless to say we can become narrow-minded and boring to others and even to ourselves. Rediscover your rainbow, that prism of light, and don't let yourself become a narrow, uninteresting beam.

April 8
"She became for me an island of light, fun, wisdom where I could run with my discoveries and torments and hopes at any time of day and find welcome."
May Sarton

Looking back over our lives it is amazing how many people have been a part of our path and development. People tend to come and go in our lives as we change jobs, locations, start families, and just outgrow relationships. But we all have certain people who have a place in our memories and hearts. It can be very heartwarming to treasure those acquaintances and friends who hold such a special place for us.


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK THIRTEEN, March 26 - April 1

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

March 26

"Courage - fear that has said its prayers."
Dorothy Bernard

I've heard the saying that fear is lack of faith. If that is true than I suppose it is correct that courage comes from being in touch with our spirituality. We take chances, stumble from mistakes and put ourselves in a position to speak up rather than silently grumble and simmer. How do we do any of those while feeling like a quivering bowl of jello? We face our fears by knowing our connection to the power that is in us and beyond us. We learn courage.

March 27

"Only the dusty flowers, the clank of censers and tracks, leading from somewhere to nowhere."
Anna Akhmatova

A line from a song goes, "Don't go straight, Go forward." There is no assurance that getting your life back on track will go easy or in a straight line. Even when we do all the right things and follow all the rules, there will be times when we feel discouraged and have the "what's it all for anyway" attitude. Even if our windy path doesn't seem to be going anywhere, realize that as long as you stay on the road you'll be going somewhere.

March 28

"If God is a fly on the wall, Nanny, hand me a fly swatter."
Gaby Brimmer

Most of us feel God has abandoned us at one time or another and feel angry. But once the crisis is past and we look back, we realize that the problem wasn't that God was absent and believing was a farce anyway. The problem was that though we appear to be turning it all over to God, we still hope or even expect things to go our way. Our way is not always what is in the overall plan.

March 29

"It is the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion."
Rebecca West

There is a difference between true passion for your work and being a workaholic. Passion feeds you but compulsive working can devour you. Our competitive world confuses the two. True passion and doing what is important for us to do does not require us to destroy ourselves in the process.

March 30

"A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain."
Mildred Witte Stouven

Not all of us have what it takes or even want to go through what it takes to become porcelain.  There is nothing wrong with being a clay pot, but we all have furnaces in our lives and the possibilities of becoming porcelain. It is our faith that facilitates our surrender to the firing. Very sad is to go through the furnace yet learn nothing of what it takes to become porcelain. We all have furnaces in our lives but not all of us glean the lessons from the firing.

March 31

"Flowers grow out of dark moments."
Corita Kent

Pain is inevitable in life, but we can learn that a lot of our suffering stems from an unwillingness to let go of old beliefs, hold onto past issues, or the illusion of control. Some of us get the picture with a little of life's nudging, others need "a whack along the side of the head". Disease is dis-ease and with that comes suffering. That pain can teach us about the choices we have made. Such dark moments of despair often result in the blooming of flowers when we "get it".

April 1

"April comes like an idiot, babbling, and strewing flowers."
Edna St. Vincent Millay

One of the gifts of life is the changing of the weather and the seasons. When we fight and gripe about the weather, we waste a lot of energy. There is nothing like nature to relinquish some of our illusions of control. The seasons can teach us to take the good with the bad and even tough days are a gift if we learn to participate in what they have to offer. Spring brings erratic giddiness and energy, Summer brings time for laziness, Autumn creates a sense of preparation and gathering, and Winter makes us yearn for cozy togetherness. Take from each season the gifts it offers and enjoy being in the moment at hand. There is meaning to the quip, "Your presence in the present is a present in itself".


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25
   

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK TWELVE, March 19 - March 25

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

March 19

"We workaholics make so many promises that no human being could possibly keep them. That is one of the ways we keep ourselves feeling bad about ourselves."
Lynn

We want to be liked and we want to please. In a world where it is easy to feel invisible in the crowd, it is flattering when we are asked to be part of something. It doesn't create a problem unless we already have too much on our plates and commit before thinking through one more obligation. Over-committing ourselves can result in being overwhelmed, resenting the situation and the people in it and then feeling bad about ourselves for those very feelings. It is best to see if you can and really want to fulfill a promise before saying yes. Most likely the person requesting your help wouldn't ask if he/she knew it was a strain on you.

March 20

"For years I have endeavored to calm an impetuous tide-laboring to make my feelings take an orderly course-it was striving against the stream."
Mary Wolstonecraft

As children we are often taught to be careful with our feelings. Feelings can be irrational, unpredictable, illogical and inappropriate for a situation. We later find that it is not possible to simply suppress some feelings without sacrificing others. When we push down our anger, our joy can go with it. Suppressing feelings leaves them to fester and emerge in other ways, sometimes with destructive results. We do  have to control our emotions but we shouldn't just deny to ourselves how we really feel.

March 21

"If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?"
Dolores Huerta

Part of being human is to make mistakes. Forgiving ourselves doesn't mean we are okay with things we may have done and were later sorry. It just means we are going to get past it and learn from it. People who just cannot accept the fact that they could be in the wrong tend to get caught up in ego and can be very judgmental of others. Having trouble getting past it when they feel wronged by someone could be because they have never reached a stage of forgiveness with themselves.

March 22

"Our most important decisions are discovered, not made. We can make the unimportant ones but the major ones require us to wait with the discovery."
Anne Wilson Schaef

It is said that the quality of decisions is directly proportionate to one's patience with his or her not knowing.
Too many times we feel pressured to make up our minds about something before being given ample time to really think about it. We're often made to feel weak if we have trouble making on the spot, snap decisions. Sometimes the reason for that hesitation is just that we don't know the answer yet and just need some more time to ponder. It has nothing to do with being indecisive.

March 23

"To be somebody you must last."
Ruth Gordon

Sticking with a situation ''if it's the last thing I do" may sound noble but sometimes it can become obsessive and result in cloudy judgement. We can get so fixated on hanging in there that we may not recognize that sometimes the best thing is to just step out of the situation. Walking away from a project can help one refocus or it may allow someone else to step in. While it is important to persevere, we have to be able to discern when it is best to continue, when it is best to take a break and when to let it go completely.

March 24

"You love like a coward. Don't take no steps at all. Just stand around and hope for things to happen outright. Unthankful and unknowing like a hog under an acorn tree. Eating and grunting with your ears hanging over your eyes, and never even looking up to see where the acorns are coming from."
Zora Neale Hurston

In this world there are "leavers" and there are "takers". Zora makes a humorous comparison with hogs but does make a point. We can root around and munch on the goodies around us without ever acknowledging from where they come. With so much abundance it is easy to take it all for granted and not even think about the natural resources or the assembly line of work that made it so available at our fingertips. It is good for the soul to look up, be grateful for the many gifts among us, and give thanks.

March 25

"My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it."
Dottie Archibald

Housework is a good analogy to the busyness of a workaholic. How much of the constant repetitive housework we do is because of our need to keep busy and not because it actually needs to be done? Often, our busyness is a subtle form of procrastination that keeps us away from what we really need to be doing.
I suppose that is true, but in our household, when housework gets done it is because it needs to be done. I don't think I've ever had the time to clean just for something to do. But I have to admit to doing chores to avoid doing something I've been pushing off.



 To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18

Shop Till You Drop and still Be Kind to our Earth

 

Everything man does seems to effect the earth, yet nature has an amazing knack for healing and adapting to the challenge of survival.  

 

Earth Day brings renewed awareness of how we can make change and a difference. There will the be usual planting of trees and community activities but how about we look closely at our own lives and see where we can make a difference every day of the year.

 

 We live in a society of consumerism where if you have the means to purchase something you are free to do just that. We love to shop. It's a day out, it's fun, and we all like the thrill of a bargain and bringing home something new. But that is the word we're going to focus on with this post. What is the meaning of "new"? Does it have to be newly made from raw materials? Or can it just be new to you?

 

Thank goodness the times have changed with the attitude towards second hand or thrift shopping. My grandparents' generation pulled themselves out of the depression era with a proud determination in capitalism. If a man or woman worked hard and was blessed to be financially comfortable than to buy new was a perk without having to settle for used. There used to be a sense of embarrassment if seen by someone you know while shopping in a thrift shop. To do so meant you were struggling financially or were considered low class.

Factory production and a market that demanded the items meant jobs, therefore to buy new was supporting the continued need for employment.  That philosophy was wonderful until companies sought out the cheapest ways to meet the demand. Companies may seek to move overseas in order to employ cheaper labor and acquire cheaper materials. What has resulted is modern day slavery and a major strain on our environment.

 

The fashion industry rolls out the latest trends at an unbelievable rate to keep up with seasonal sales. They can do that by finding the cheapest labor markets to put out in bulk and keep prices low. Neither concern for the worker nor the source of the materials is often a main priority for those at the top of the corporate ladder. 

 

Poor, unsafe working conditions, low wages, and few benefits keep these working people in unhealthy, high risk situations with little hope to better the future for their families.

 

We usually don't question just how fabric ends up with the brightest array of colors and the whitest whites. These are the result of bleaches, acid washes and chemical dyes which contain heavy metals known to be carcinogenic. Because being environmentally responsible isn't always required and being it costs money, textile industries may skirt around proper clean-up and disposal. Waste may be just dumped into local waterways or buried under the ground. Water becomes polluted from not only the waterways but chemical seepage over time should these buried barrels leak into the ground water.

 

Since clothing is often cheaply made, it's life span is not nearly as long as the clothes we remember as hand-me-downs. The clothing industry doesn't want you to save your clothes for the future, they want families to buy new. Combine that with the mentality that people get bored with what they have, and we have a major concern with the amount of added trash to the landfills. People too often have the attitude that if they are going to pay for trash pick-up then they are going to get their money's worth and fill those cans. Please take the time to support services and businesses dependent on donations.

 

Most of our clothing is made from cotton. Since the 1960's the world has doubled its production of cotton. Synthetics are huge too, but cotton is still the main demand. To fill that demand we now have Monsanto providing farmers all over the world with genetically modified seeds. We know GMO crops affect the soil, the water, the air, yet feel powerless to stop it. The amount of pesticides needed to keep these crops free of pests is a real danger to not only the environment but to every living organism. People working the fields without protection are put at real risk for illness.

 

Buying organic cotton clothes may seem like the answer. It is a better choice, but though organic cotton reduces pesticide use, the processing and dyeing require more water and energy than conventional cotton. We're hearing a lot about bamboo since it is easily renewable. But again, after harvest the process to create a soft fiber requires it be spun with harsh chemicals.

 

So we may not be able to change things overnight but we can decide how we as individuals do our shopping. At least when you buy used, already purchased clothes (and anything else for your household), you aren't contributing to the initial source of the problem.

Thank goodness our children are now in a society supporting sustainability and the three R's: reuse, recycle, renew! To shop second hand is a way of boycotting the fashion industry with its wasteful packaging, sweat shop labor, and ridiculous price tags. Yard sales, on-line barter sites, flea markets, community swap days and thrift shops can be a gold mine for those seeking to save money, find great deals, discover unique treasures and antiques. Great for those who love to shop because they get bored with what they already have. They can rotate their clothes by donating them back into circulation for someone else, come home with new finds, and not feel guilty since they never spent full price on the originals.

 

Now to how we care for all these great finds. Be conscious with how much you use your washing machine. They say the average household washes 400 loads of laundry a year. That is a lot of water. Before wearing an item only once and tossing it into the hamper, consider if it is "dirty" enough to need a washing yet. Depending on what our daily activities are we may not have to wash so often. Be sure the loads are full before using the energy it takes to complete a cycle. Try to reserve hot water only for whites and either make your own laundry soap or buy phosphate-free detergent.

Clothes made from synthetic materials such as polyester contribute to the pollution of our oceans. Every time a piece of polyester clothing is washed it releases microfibers. Considering the vast amount of laundry in the world, that is a lot of plastic pollution entering our waterways. Cutting down on the frequency in which we wash our clothes can help.

Finally, if you are allowed and have the space, hang your clothes outside to air dry. This is another area where I am so glad times are changing. There are those with the attitude that to see someone's delicates flapping in the wind labels them as low classed. Though some housing units have rules against clothes lines, if it is permitted, give it a try and enjoy the wonderful fresh scent of clothes dried in the sun.  

Think reuse, recycle, upcycle, renew, whatever it takes to sort out the treasures from the trash! 

 

 The source for this post

 

An alternative to buying used is to buy new but shop at your local retailers. You'll not only be supporting small business owners but you can find out from where the items originate. 

The beauty of shopping online is the availability of finding sources for clothing made from natural fibers. 

 

 

 

 

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK TEN, MARCH 5 - MARCH 11

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

 March 5

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
Mother Teresa

It is said that loneliness is not outside, it's inside.
To some it may be hard to understand how a person can be dealing with people all day yet feel all alone. But for many of us who are constantly busy with little extra time to really connect with those we interact with, we may feel very little real connection, and that can be a lonely place. Avoiding a real closeness with people may be a way of avoiding intimacy or getting hurt. For those who feel they can easily be alone and not be lonely, than fine. But for those who feel out of sync and try to fill that void with busyness, they need to reconnect with their spiritual being in order to rediscover what is in their hearts.

March 6

"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh."
Agnes Repplier

To be oversensitive and not be able to laugh at ourselves or at one another, is probably going to result in the failure of an intimate relationship. Getting to really know a person involves seeing their "moments" of what it is to be human. We aren't robots. We stumble and flounder and often make fools of ourselves. To be able to put the ego aside and laugh at it all creates relationships that are grounded in reality, and that is the foundation for intimacy.

March 7

"If, as someone has said,"...to be truly civilized, is to embrace disease..."
Robyn Davidson

The world can be a crazy place. When we are in situations where it just seems bizarre, over time our ability to separate what makes sense from what doesn't may get to the point where we question our own sanity. In trying to constantly adjust to crazy situations, we may start to question what is normal, what is dysfunction and what it really means to "go with the flow".  No, we're not crazy, it is just that a situation may seem to require a crazy person.

March 8

"I found God in myself and I loved her/I loved her fiercely."
Ntozake Shange

"Contact with God is so simple, and we make it so difficult."
It is only when we really know ourselves that we can become aware of the divinity that we share with all things. We are part of this whole scheme of things and once we can love ourselves we can connect with a higher power. Western culture may not appear to value the fact that spirituality is an important  basic need, just as are the physical, emotional and psychological sides.

March 9

"Part of my satisfaction and exultation at each eruption was unmistakably feminist solidarity. You men think you're the only ones that can make a really nasty mess? You think you got all the firepower and God's on your side? You think you run things? Watch this, gents. Watch the Lady act like a woman."
Ursula K. Le Guin

Isn't it interesting that uncontrollable acts of nature are so often given female names. Our technocratic society so often identifies nature as female, a force that is unpredictable and often difficult to control. Mount Saint Helens has become such a symbol. We not only have no control over her eruptions, we can not even predict what she is going to do  next, even with constant surveillance. Nature tells us again and again that we are not always in charge. It is hysterical that when a female simmers silently she is described as a typical woman, and when she blows her top she is also described as a typical woman.

March 10

"I am suddenly filled with that sense of peace and meaning which is, I suppose, what the pious have in mind when they talk about the practice of the presence of God."
Valerie Taylor

The word serenity is something we throw around as needing, yet rarely act upon understanding what it really means. To begin slowing down and taking time out for better mental and physical health, we can catch moments of peace and calm. We have to see these moments as a special thing and not get bored the moment we step away from all the action and drama around us. Serenity is available to all of us.

March 11

"My tidiness and my untidiness, are full of regret and remorse and complex feelings."
Natalia Ginzburg

If nothing else in life, try to remember what is important. End of life regrets so often include not pursuing our passions out of guilt over what we "should" be doing. Responsibilities very easily take precedence over what we would really rather be doing. Try to put your life into chapters. Things that had to wait at one point in life can hopefully be pursued at a later time. For example, being a great housekeeper with a spotless home is wonderful, but if keeping everything "just so" is simply unrealistic with whatever else is going on in life, stop self-judging and feeling the need to explain all the time.


To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 9 February 26 - March 4

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

February 26

"Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier."
Kathleen Norris

In our "be all you can be" society where pride and independence are deemed so important, it sometimes can get to the point where a person just doesn't allow herself to stop. The art of nurturing oneself is not taught in our schools, and even in homes driven for success children may not have many self-nurturing examples during their upbringing. We have to learn that even in a high-tech society, taking the time to nurture oneself is essential for survival. Get to know yourself and what it is that you would love to do with your own special time, and then take it.

February 27

"This is the age of perfectionism, kid. Everybody try their emotional and mental and physical damndest. Strive, strive. Correct all defects."
Judith Guest

Perfectionism can take either of two paths, either trying too hard or never trying at all. Trying to mold ourselves into an ideal results in never feeling good enough, because the ideal isn't realistic. Perfectionism is a form of self-abuse. No amount of self-sacrifice will ever seem like enough since in our striving for that unrealistic ideal, we can never be satisfied.

February 28

"Laughter can be more satisfying than honor; more precious than money; more heart-cleansing than prayer."
Harriet Rochlin

After a good belly hurting laugh, have you ever stopped to realize how less stressed you feel? Many of us get almost self-conscious when laughing in public since we feel it may be viewed as disruptive noise. Laughter should be seen as a gift, contagious to those around us to put a smile on their faces too. Laughter is like the human body wagging it's tail.

March 1

"We both of us secretly believed in an external power that one could tap, if one were in tune with events."
Robyn Davidson

Living in process is living our process and being one with the process of the universe. To be a workaholic removes us from our connection with the living process, and we feel alientated from our spiritual side. The need to always have to have control robs us of feeling connected to a higher purpose. Getting back in touch with who we really are helps us get back in touch with our spiritual beliefs.

March 2

"Feeling crazy may be a mark of sanity in my situation."
Anne Wilson Schaef

The norm in society is the comfort zone. For those who view life a little unconventionally are often considered oddballs or weird. Who is the one to interpret what constitutes normal from dysfunctional? To get to the point in life where you aren't afraid of being different, don't care what people think, is an awakening point where we can feel very 'sane' with our 'craziness'.

March 3

"Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down."
Toni Morrison

The only way to grow is to let go. We too often hang onto our old "shit" like some precious commodity. We stew over the past as if hashing about it enough will make some sort of difference. If you wonder why you feel stuck and held back in your life, perhaps you need to clean out the barnyard stinking up your life. Bury the hurt and anger so that you can finally heal.

March 4

"The white fathers told us, "I think therefore I am," and the Black mother within each of us-the poet- whispers in our dreams, I feel, therefore I can be free."
Audre Lorde

Often we have been trained that feelings are a weakness and can make one irrational. We are told to control our thoughts, get a grip on our emotions, and move on. That may work for a while in our striving for success, but eventually those repressed feelings will erupt with an intensity that can be a shocker. Feelings are very natural. Intuition and gut instincts are tools we would be wise to start trusting.


To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28
Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25