Passion for Patchouli

Patchouli

A first introduction to Patchouli (Pogostemon Cablin or Pogostemon Patchouli) is often met with a description of it having a definite earthy scent to it. So just what does that mean, that it smells like dirt? No, it smells like nature and that is a wonderful thing. Some describe it as musty and too strong and others think of it as exotic and perfect in that it's lingering scent reaches deep into the emotions.

Patchouli has been used in incense and fragrance oils for centuries. It brings a sense of the sacredness of life and the need to care for our earth and everything in it. It helps us realize that to just "be" and do nothing at times is a good thing, that contemplating has a purpose and helps one get focused for action.

It is simply not true that the main reason the "hippies" of the 1960's and 1970's loved patchouli was that it covered up the scent of marijuana. Patchouli symbolized the love of nature and the escape from what was called the "establishment". The younger generation developed different ideas and ideals which were often met with labeling and indifference from the older age groups.

The essential oil of Patchouli is extracted by steam distillation of the leaves. All the benefits and uses for this plant are amazing. It is an antiseptic, aphrodisiac, astringent, deodorant, fungicide, insecticide, sedative, antidepressant, diuretic and boosts healing and the metabolism by stimulating the generation of new cells.

INSECT REPELLANT PROPERTIES
Patchouli has long been used to protect clothes and fabrics from insect damage.

ANTISEPTIC
The essential oil protects wounds from developing infection.

FUNGICIDE
By inhibiting fungal growth, patchouli can help with problems such as Athlete's Foot.

ANTIPHLOGISTIC
Containing patchoulene, patchouli soothes inflammation, therefore can help externally with skin conditions as well as internally with the pain from arthritis.

ANTIDEPRESSANT
By stimulating the release of pleasure hormones such as serotonin and dopamine, patchouli helps with feelings of sadness, anxiety and simply feeling better.

APHRODISIAC
By stimulating hormones, estrogen and testosterone, patchouli can boost indifference and lack of interest in the sex drive.

ASTRINGENT
By contracting blood vessels, patchouli stimulates contractions in muscles, nerves and skin. This helps with the symptoms of aging we see in the skin. Wonderful for use in face and body creams and lotions.

DEODORANT
The strong, musky aroma of patchouli helps eliminate or mask body odor and it's lingering scent helps the protection last.

SEDATIVE
By soothing inflammation and calming to the nerves, patchouli helps relax the body in order to get a good night's sleep.

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The Slow Fade of Dementia, Ambiguous and Anticipatory Loss, Grief

Caregivers bear the tremendous burden of witnessing the early signs of change in the behavior of their loved one and dealing with the anger and denial of trying to get through to the rest of the family. One very important thing family members don't understand is that unless you actually live with someone day in and day out you just don't see the same person as does the caregiver. The social stimulation of visits and the fussing from loved ones brought out conversation and smiles, only to return home and sink right back down under that black cloud.

Taking care of my mother for over two years has left me a puddle of tearful grief for the slow fading of my precious Mom and the bewildering, questioning of my own sanity. Changes in behavior brought the constant questions of what is normal for her personality, what is part of her condition, what could be a side effect from medications? Dealing with memory loss and confusion is bad enough for a person, but to add a chronic condition such as COPD on top of that and the resulting depression was enough to pull her down into a pit of despair. My desperation for her to fight only resulted in the wall between us to build brick by brick.




Together, we went through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Accepting this "new normal" as her life, having no choice but to leave her home and give up control and independence, was incomprehensible.  My reaction was to push, nag, beg, cry, whatever it took to get her to fight to maintain her strength, physically and mentally.  It was all- consuming, while my Mom continued to slowly lose a bit more of her spirit with each new day she woke to realize she had to get through another day. Fast forward three years and now that another sibling is caring for our mother, she is a medicated, zombie of her former self. The solution to the constant anxiety of struggling to breathe is that if the anxiety is relieved we can avoid the tendency to hyperventilate and thus panic. Welcome to the world of narcotics.

The stage of acceptance has arrived and she just doesn't care anymore. The version of Mom that is in the present is what the siblings actually interpret as her being "better". There is quiet and peace in the household only because there is no longer anyone "making waves" by pushing for alternatives and therapies. Palliative care is all there is now.

Gone is the frustration between what she "won't" versus "can't" do for herself. Now it is just the tender care as though she were our child. Now we deal with the guilt associated with our past reactions and emotions while dealing at that time with the craziness. But at that time we didn't understand what was going on. To reflect back now, bits and pieces make more sense. But that war of guilt continues to rage within our own minds, struggling for self-forgiveness for whatever we imagine we did so wrong.

Ambiguous loss and Anticipatory grief can be described as unresolved grief. It is different from the loss and grief surrounding a death. Closure is not possible and there is no peace because the loved one is still physically alive. This is the world surrounding and consuming a family dealing with dementia. This is the world of the patient herself as she must accept the slow loss of her own self and be very aware of it while it is happening.

There is confusion of the use of the words dementia and Alzheimer's disease. They are used interchangeably, but are not the same thing. Alzheimer's is a disease, dementia is not. Dementia is group of symptoms that affect mental tasks like memory and reasoning. Dementia can be caused by a variety of conditions, with Alzheimer's being the most common.

One of those conditions is called Vascular Dementia which is problems with the blood vessels. The brain needs a good supply of oxygen rich blood and if this supply is hindered and the brain is deprived of enough oxygen, as is with COPD, the brain cells could die. Symptoms may appear suddenly or gradually. A major stroke will cause symptoms to appear suddenly, while a series of mini strokes that may have happened over time, will cause a slower progression of symptoms.

There are several ways that COPD may affect thinking and memory. As less air is taken into the lungs, over time the blood oxygen levels in the blood become too low. Low levels of oxygen to the brain may cause neural damage with could increase the risk for memory problems. One big problem with a condition like COPD is that there is inflammation not just with the lungs, but inflammation of the entire body. Elevated levels of certain body chemicals related to inflammation can be linked to memory problems. Another issue is that because the body is working so hard to breathe and get enough oxygen there is the need to sleep more. If a person has trouble sleeping, the resulting fatigue can further interfere with thinking straight.

Since behavior changes can be so subtle, they may only be noticed by the patient himself/herself or by those who live with him or her. So the battle can begin with getting the message across to other family members that something is wrong and getting them to respect the patient or the caregiver's suspicions. It is interesting how differently people react to a physical condition versus something being wrong with the mind. At a time when family should be sticking together and supporting one another, it can become a nightmare when denial, fear, and/or the need for control over decisions, interferes with the big picture of what is best for the loved one.



Aside from going on and on with that, what it all boils down to is the fact that we miss our Mom. I miss the phone calls to rehash whatever event just happened in the family. I miss rambling on and on about the busy lives of our children. Gone is the interest she used to have in our world. Our children are going through the most exciting times in their lives with graduations, weddings, new careers, new homes...and though their beloved Nana is physically here, there is no longer the two way street of sharing in all those precious moments. The conversation is sadly one sided and often forgotten by the next day.
The strain to maintain a close relationship is becoming more difficult and though they call and visit, their lives are going on and their Nana is being left behind.

Witnessing the slow fade of someone we love is heart wrenching and everyone reacts differently in terms of their personal loss. Some hover and some run. We all deal with grief and loss in our own way and we need to respect one another without judgement. The emotional strain and pain of losing someone bit by bit is such a crazy state of limbo to have to go through. Though the mind may come to terms with the realities of the disease and expected outcome, it is unrealistic to expect the heart to be on the same time schedule. We have no choice but to anticipate that final loss, but to have to play the waiting game can be a horrendous, surreal roller coaster ride.


The best medicine in this world is love. When there is little else anyone can do, it is time to up the dose!

A Toast to our Children in the Blessing of Marriage

Weddings are a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to gather, put aside their differences, and focus on the happiness of two people united in love and their new chapter in life. As parents, we can only hope the nervous bride and groom can focus on the service enough to get anything out of its message. The Pastor gave some very important messages for any of us striving for a successful and lasting relationship.

People often view their partner as the missing piece needed to make them whole. We cannot view ourselves as an incomplete puzzle with our partner as that missing piece. It sounds romantic to speak poetic like that but to take it literally puts the partner in the position to feel pressured and in prt responsible for the other person's happiness. We are not a possession of one another.

The secret of a healthy relationship is to not say to ourselves, "Am I loved?", but rather say "Am I loving?". To continually question whether we are loved does nothing but put the other person in the position to feel tested and having to prove his/her love. We are told that love is a verb, which is true. To love is an action, but we have to stop interpreting every little annoying thing our spouse does as failing us in some way. that "if he loved me he wouldn't be so thoughtless" or "if he loved me he would already know that without me having to tell him". That patter of thinking adds to our own insecurity which soon puts a wedge between two people. Insecurity becomes very draining to any type of relationship and the end result is the desire to escape.

To ask ourselves whether we are loving forces us to observe our behavior and how we must appear to that other person. It puts us outside of ourselves in a better position to focus on where our energy is being spent; are we focusing more on giving or receiving.

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A PERSON OR A SITUATION, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THAT PERSON OR SITUATION.
There are often occasions that we are up against the wall and come to realize that we just have to "accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Once you fully accept "it is what it is", a tremendous burden will be lifted.

When two people both hold their ground over their differences, emotions tend to escalate and things just get worse. Whether the other person is "wrong" or not isn't the point. What matters is that the only thing we can change is our attitude.

FOCUS ON THE FAULTS OF YOURSELF AND THE GOODNESS IN YOUR PARTNER.
Too often we expect our partner to behave as we would in a given situation. It is almost like we wish that person to be a version of ourselves. It is much easier to find fault in someone else or the circumstances of a situation than to stand back and take a hard look at ourselves. It takes work and an open mind to seek self-improvement and self-enlightenment without the defense mechanisms of denial and projection standing in the way.  You'll get much farther with communication if you make an effort to build up that person rather than tear down. The two words you should try not to use are "never" and "always". Those words immediately put the other person on the defensive which can easily send the conversation downhill rather quickly.

TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER IS A GIFT.
Everything about what makes that person a unique individual is now yours to share and vice versa. Obviously, those traits are what each person fell in love with in the first place. Yet it is so easy to loose focus on any of that once the honeymoon phase is past and life settles into an everyday routine with all the pressures and worries of reality. Make a point to regularly stand back and appreciate this person who actually wants to share a life with you. Once you realize that this person standing before you is a gift from God everything about them becomes more amazing and something to treasure.

Everyone has their own beliefs in the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Relationships are so much easier and stronger when both partners share in those convictions. The world doesn't revolve around us and those who share the security of seeking a higher power for strength and guidance relieve themselves of the drain of worrying about that which is beyond our control.

THE RING IS A SIGN OF THE LOVE AND FIDELITY OF THE ONE WHO GIVES IT. 
That ring was placed on the finger by your partner. Don't think its meaning is simply a love that never ends. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you! The wedding rings are never taken off because we're to see it as an ongoing reminder of the promise made to us by that other person.





The tears and emotions flooding through every parent who has witnessed the most memorable, important event in the lives of their children can be impossible to put into words. Years of images topple over one another in a flash of memory as we symbolically hand over our children to begin a life outside of our own.

So now it is time to turn the page and begin another chapter in this book we call life.

A Toast to Our Children in the Blessing of Marriage

Weddings are a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to gather, put aside their differences, and focus on the happiness of two people united in love and their new chapter in life. As parents, we can only hope the nervous bride and groom can focus on the service enough to get anything out of its message. The Pastor gave some very important messages for any of us striving for a successful and lasting relationship.

People often view their partner as the missing piece needed to make them whole. We cannot view ourselves as an incomplete puzzle with our partner as that missing piece. It sounds romantic to speak poetic like that but to take it literally puts the partner in the position to feel pressured and in part responsible for the other person's happiness. We are not a possession of one another.

The secret of a healthy relationship is to not say to ourselves, "Am I loved?", but rather "Am I loving?" To continually question whether we are loved does nothing but put the other person in the position to feel tested and having to prove his/her love. We are told that love is a verb which is very true. To love is an action but we have to stop interpreting every little annoying thing our spouse does as failing us in some way. That "if he loved me he wouldn't be so thoughtless" or "if he loved me he would already know that without me having to tell him".  That pattern of thinking adds to our own insecurity which soon puts a wedge between two people. Insecurity becomes very draining to any type of relationship and the end result is the desire to escape.

To ask ourselves whether we are loving forces us to observe our behavior and how we must appear to that other person. It puts us outside of ourselves in a better position to focus on where our energy is being spent, are we focusing more on giving or receiving.  

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A PERSON OR A SITUATION, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THAT PERSON OR SITUATION
There are often occasions that we are up against the wall and finally realize that we just have to "accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Once you fully accept "it is what it is" a tremendous burden will be lifted, and you'll be amazed how much better you feel.

When two people both hold their ground over their differences, emotions tend to escalate and things just get worse. Whether the other person is "wrong" or not isn't the point. The point is that the only thing we can really change is our attitude about a situation. 

FOCUS ON THE FAULTS OF YOURSELF AND THE GOODNESS IN YOUR PARTNER.
Too often we expect our partner to behave as we would in a given situation. It is almost like we wish that person to be a version of ourselves. It is much easier to find fault in someone else or the circumstances of a situation than to stand back and take a hard look at ourselves. It takes work and an open mind to seek self-improvement and self-enlightenment without the defense mechanisms of denial and projection standing in the way.  You'll get much farther with communication if you make an effort to build up that person rather than tear down. The two words you should try not to use are "never" and "always". Those words immediately put the other person on the defensive which can easily send the conversation downhill rather quickly.

TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER IS A GIFT. Everything about what makes that person a unique individual is now yours to share and vice versa. Obviously, those traits are what each person fell in love with in the first place. Yet it is so easy to loose focus on any of that once the honeymoon phase is past and life settles into an everyday routine with all the pressures and worries of reality. Make a point to regularly stand back and appreciate this person who actually wants to share a life with you. Once you realize that this person standing before you is a gift from God everything about them becomes more amazing and something to treasure.

Everyone has their own beliefs in the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Relationships are so much easier and stronger when both partners share in those convictions. The world doesn't revolve around us and those who share the security of seeking a higher power for strength and guidance relieve themselves of the drain of worrying about that which is beyond our control.

THE RING IS A SIGN OF THE LOVE AND FIDELITY OF THE ONE WHO GIVES IT. That ring was placed on the finger by your partner. Don't think its meaning is simply a love that never ends. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you! The wedding rings are never taken off because we're to see it as an ongoing reminder of the promise made to us by that other person.





The tears and emotions flooding through every parent who has witnessed the most memorable, important event in the lives of their children can be impossible to put into words. Years of images topple over one another in a flash of memory as we symbolically hand over our children to begin a life outside of our own.

So now it is time to turn the page and begin another chapter in this book we call life. 

Pretty Petals in Pink

We can easily call flowering plants eye candy.

Flowers that are bright are attractive to birds, insects and animals. This attraction is what the plants need to reproduce and continue to survive. Flower colors of red, pink, blue and purple come mainly from pigments called anthocyanins, which are in the class of chemicals called flavanoids. Flavanoids are what give plants their color, found in the genetic hereditary genome of the plants.

That explains the very practical reason for nature's beautiful visual displays, but for us the symbolism of color goes far beyond that. Color has a very real impact on our minds, emotions and attitudes.

The color pink is the color of universal love. Love of oneself, love of beauty, love of warmth and nurturing others. A quiet color, pink represents friendship, affection, inner peace and harmony. Passion and anger represent the color red, purity and openness represent the color white. Those two blend to give us a gentle tint to lessen feelings of anger and unhappiness and surround us with a sense of love and protection. 

Though pink has primarily been recognized as a feminine color and the sweetness of little girls, this color is actually an important symbol for hope and awareness. We see a pink ribbon and immediately think of the hope to conquer breast cancer. In Japan, pink has a masculine association. The pink cherry tree blossoms are a representation of fallen Japanese warriors.

In color therapy, pink is used for grief, loneliness and depression. Pink, along with the color green, is linked with the Heart Chakra, which concerns love and higher consciousness. The Heart Chakra bridges the gap between the physical and spiritual worlds. Therefore, it is no surprise why just being out in the gardens is so therapeutic for the soul.

Nature offers us a wonderful selection of pink flowering plants. If you plan on bloom times you can enjoy the comfort of pink throughout the entire growing season. 

Bleeding Heart is a spring blooming perennial, a wonderful plant for a children's garden to encourage imaginary play.
The little blossoms look like dancing ballerinas.
For the romantic in us, they also symbolize a teardrop dripping from a broken heart.

The Carolina Rose is a shrubby bush which blooms pink in the spring followed by nutritious rose hips in the fall.

Cosmos is a sure to please, easy to grow, drought resistant summer annual. This plant sprawls and has a tendency to look messy since it can fall over, break off and still keep on going. Carefree and tough, as the blossoms go to seed they are easy to gather for next season but often reseed themselves.

Cleome or Spider Flower is a summer blooming annual. If given the room this drought resistant, interesting plant is beautiful as it sprawls. Seed pods burst open in late summer, making it easy to propagate and reseed itself.

BeeBalm or Monarda is a summer blooming perennial plant wonderful for attracting bees and other important pollinators.
Usually found amidst the herbs, this plant makes a soothing cup of tea.

Kiss Me Over The Garden Gate is an old-fashioned cottage garden plant. This easy to grow summer annual has tassel flowers that easily reseed themselves and pop up wherever they can. A tall plant, it is best if planted as a background, specimen flower to blend in a carefree manner.

Penstemons are an elegant border perennial summer bloomer. They look like little foxgloves.
Those who want to attract hummingbirds should include these little beauties.




Coneflowers or Echinacea are a drought tolerant, summer perennial wonderful for pollinators and birds alike.
The porcupine-like seed heads are an ideal winter bird feed.

Zinnias are a popular, showy annual flower loved by anyone wanting to attract butterflies.
Easy to grow and easy to save the seed to replant every year, zinnias come in an assortment of colors.

The Rose of Sharon is a beautiful summer blooming bush.
This variety in particular is a huge shrub and is the size of a small tree.

Joe Pye Weed is a native summer blooming perennial wonderful for the natural carefree cottage garden.
A must for someone wanting to attract beneficial insects.

Spirea is a popular landscaping foundation shrub. This variety is in the medium height range of about three feet and spreads about three to four feet wide. Insects love it and it is a showpiece plant.as a summer bloomer.




Sedums come in a variety of types. This one is a dark, magenta color. Sedums are important as a beneficial plant for fall insects after many of the summer blooming flowers have faded.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK FIFTEEN, April 9 - April 15

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 9
"The prayer that reforms the sinner and heals the sick is an absolute faith that all things are possible to God."
Mary Baker Eddy

They say that part of the solution to one's problems is recognizing that there is a problem. The climb up the ladder of success can lead to the discovery that one cannot appear innocent, but rather must appear cynical and sophisticated. As the craziness escalates, part of the insanity of it all comes from our lack of being able to recognize that life has indeed become insane. A return to sanity comes once we let ourselves believe that all things are not controllable.

April 10
"Ah, duty is an icy shadow"
Augusta Evans

Duty becomes the excuse for many of our life's choices. We neglect those we love and justify the behavior as our duty to our family. Granted, this cannot be avoided when we do what we have to do to make a living. The problem comes when our work is an unhealthy addiction and suffering is the result of feeding that addiction.

April 11
"A mark of a true workaholic is cleaning house in your underwear."
Coleen

While this day's advise is very true, I have to wonder how life can realistically be any different. Many of us with so much to do cannot walk from point A to point B without getting distracted by seeing something that needs to be done and getting sidetracted even if just for a moment. I suppose the problem lies in the fact that the constant distractions leave us without a sense of completion. I've often felt that some things are done half-a***d rather than done right, but at least good enough.

April 12
"I hate weekends. There's no structure. There's no compass. How will I know what to do if I don't have to do it?"
Susan

This one hit home, wow. Yes, weekends can result in anxiety when there is so much I could be doing that won't get done because I'm supposed to be doing something fun.  Open ended days of "relaxation", without structure can be difficult. A real shame when our busyness gets in the way of quality time with our family.

April 13
"They sicken of the calm that know the storm."
Dorothy Parker

How many people tell themselves they function best under pressure. The adrenaline rush that comes with fresh projects and new lists to check off is fine, unless we find ourselves easily bored without the stress. Continuously getting ourselves in a whirlwind of commitments is an addiction when our health and relationships begin to feel the strain.

April 14
"Long term change requires looking honestly at our lives and realizing that it's nice to be needed, but not at the expense of our health, our happiness, and our sanity."
Ellen Sue Stern

Being a "yes" person is very rewarding but there has to be a limit. We have to know when to say "no" and not feel guilty over disappointing someone. Careaholism is an addiction too. Volunteering is wonderful but realize that if there seems to be a deep down resentment forming for being asked once again, it is time to take a step back.

April 15
"With him for a sire and her for a dam, What should I be but just what I am?"
Edna St. Vincent Millay

Accepting ourselves just the way we are with both strengths and weaknesses, without ego getting in the way, is a step in the right direction. Being able to admit that we just aren't that good at something without feeling less of ourselves, as well as acknowledging our strong points without inflated fuss is the path to being emotionally healthy people.


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1 
Week 14 April 2 - April 8

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK FOURTEEN, April 2 - April 8

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 2

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
Grace Hansen

For many of us, our everyday lives are a slow death. The constant rushing around, the pressure to accomplish, the continuous exhaustion...
Many of us have a fear of dying, yet do we use that inevitable part of life as an escape from the real fear which is fully living our lives? We become so comfortable with our busyness that we tend to avoid focusing on being really present in the now.

April 3

"Any addiction is a falling into unconsciousness."
Marion Woodman

Einstein said, "Insanity is the tendency to do the same thing again and again and expecting a different outcome." Addictions involving alcohol and drugs affect our thinking and judgement, we know that. We need to acknowledge that the tendency to overwork may also be an addiction clouding our thinking. Before we can feel better we have to realize how destructive our habits can be in that we become numb and go through our days in a state of wakeful unconsciousness.

April 4
"Integrity is so perishable in the summer months of success."
Venessa Redgrave

It is important to periodically stop and reflect on the decisions we have made. How many occasions have there been where we look the other way or take the easy road just to avoid conflict. How many times do we sacrifice our integrity on issues that deep down are very important to us. To block out these slips of our integrity will slowly eat away at you.

April 5
"The motions and patterns and connections of things became apparent on a gut level."
Robyn Davidson

The moments when we feel a oneness and connection with all things can be a magical thing. But in trying to explain it to others, we tend to lose the experience. This is one reason why time alone with just yourself for company is so important in order to learn to trust your gut and just "be".

April 6
"The clouds gathered together, stood still and watched the river scuttle around the forest floor, crash headlong into haunches of hills with no notion of where it was going, until exhausted, ill and grieving, it slowed to a stop just twenty leagues short of the sea."
Toni Morrison

What a beautiful analogy to how many of us battle ourselves trying to reach our goals. We tend to beat ourselves up over every rock in our river's path that creates some waves in our journey. We need to realize that no one can avoid failure and that though there is no straight path we can still go forward.

April 7
"Life ought to be a struggle of desire toward adventures whose nobility will fertilize the soul."
Rebecca West

When we spend all of our waking time focused on work-related issues, we tend to lose awareness of things going on outside of that sphere. Needless to say we can become narrow-minded and boring to others and even to ourselves. Rediscover your rainbow, that prism of light, and don't let yourself become a narrow, uninteresting beam.

April 8
"She became for me an island of light, fun, wisdom where I could run with my discoveries and torments and hopes at any time of day and find welcome."
May Sarton

Looking back over our lives it is amazing how many people have been a part of our path and development. People tend to come and go in our lives as we change jobs, locations, start families, and just outgrow relationships. But we all have certain people who have a place in our memories and hearts. It can be very heartwarming to treasure those acquaintances and friends who hold such a special place for us.


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK TWELVE, March 19 - March 25

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

March 19

"We workaholics make so many promises that no human being could possibly keep them. That is one of the ways we keep ourselves feeling bad about ourselves."
Lynn

We want to be liked and we want to please. In a world where it is easy to feel invisible in the crowd, it is flattering when we are asked to be part of something. It doesn't create a problem unless we already have too much on our plates and commit before thinking through one more obligation. Over-committing ourselves can result in being overwhelmed, resenting the situation and the people in it and then feeling bad about ourselves for those very feelings. It is best to see if you can and really want to fulfill a promise before saying yes. Most likely the person requesting your help wouldn't ask if he/she knew it was a strain on you.

March 20

"For years I have endeavored to calm an impetuous tide-laboring to make my feelings take an orderly course-it was striving against the stream."
Mary Wolstonecraft

As children we are often taught to be careful with our feelings. Feelings can be irrational, unpredictable, illogical and inappropriate for a situation. We later find that it is not possible to simply suppress some feelings without sacrificing others. When we push down our anger, our joy can go with it. Suppressing feelings leaves them to fester and emerge in other ways, sometimes with destructive results. We do  have to control our emotions but we shouldn't just deny to ourselves how we really feel.

March 21

"If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?"
Dolores Huerta

Part of being human is to make mistakes. Forgiving ourselves doesn't mean we are okay with things we may have done and were later sorry. It just means we are going to get past it and learn from it. People who just cannot accept the fact that they could be in the wrong tend to get caught up in ego and can be very judgmental of others. Having trouble getting past it when they feel wronged by someone could be because they have never reached a stage of forgiveness with themselves.

March 22

"Our most important decisions are discovered, not made. We can make the unimportant ones but the major ones require us to wait with the discovery."
Anne Wilson Schaef

It is said that the quality of decisions is directly proportionate to one's patience with his or her not knowing.
Too many times we feel pressured to make up our minds about something before being given ample time to really think about it. We're often made to feel weak if we have trouble making on the spot, snap decisions. Sometimes the reason for that hesitation is just that we don't know the answer yet and just need some more time to ponder. It has nothing to do with being indecisive.

March 23

"To be somebody you must last."
Ruth Gordon

Sticking with a situation ''if it's the last thing I do" may sound noble but sometimes it can become obsessive and result in cloudy judgement. We can get so fixated on hanging in there that we may not recognize that sometimes the best thing is to just step out of the situation. Walking away from a project can help one refocus or it may allow someone else to step in. While it is important to persevere, we have to be able to discern when it is best to continue, when it is best to take a break and when to let it go completely.

March 24

"You love like a coward. Don't take no steps at all. Just stand around and hope for things to happen outright. Unthankful and unknowing like a hog under an acorn tree. Eating and grunting with your ears hanging over your eyes, and never even looking up to see where the acorns are coming from."
Zora Neale Hurston

In this world there are "leavers" and there are "takers". Zora makes a humorous comparison with hogs but does make a point. We can root around and munch on the goodies around us without ever acknowledging from where they come. With so much abundance it is easy to take it all for granted and not even think about the natural resources or the assembly line of work that made it so available at our fingertips. It is good for the soul to look up, be grateful for the many gifts among us, and give thanks.

March 25

"My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it."
Dottie Archibald

Housework is a good analogy to the busyness of a workaholic. How much of the constant repetitive housework we do is because of our need to keep busy and not because it actually needs to be done? Often, our busyness is a subtle form of procrastination that keeps us away from what we really need to be doing.
I suppose that is true, but in our household, when housework gets done it is because it needs to be done. I don't think I've ever had the time to clean just for something to do. But I have to admit to doing chores to avoid doing something I've been pushing off.



 To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK ELEVEN, March 12 - March 18

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

March 12

"Of all the idiots I have met in my life, and the Lord knows that they have not been few or little, I think that I have been the biggest."
Isak Kinesen

Very powerful for clearing away the baggage we carry around in our lives is accepting the fact that we do make mistakes and making amends with those we may have wronged. To own our own lives we must first own up to our errors and not continue to beat ourselves up over those mistakes.

March 13

"We are not human beings trying to be spiritual. We are spiritual beings trying to be human."
Jacquelyn Small

It is said that we are first spiritual beings and only when we realize the enormity of that, can we be fully human. To be spiritual isn't something we choose to be, it is who we are. To be spiritual does not mean you are categorized into a certain religious denomination. Don't confuse the two. With everything we do, every decision we make, our spirituality is there.

March 14

"Fury gathered until I was swollen with it."
Vera Randal

A good scream is the perfect release for pent up emotions and stress. Though we may feel foolish afterward, we have to admit we do feel better. Of course, this best be done without anyone in earshot to be verbally offended or think us crazy.

March 15

"When we, as individuals, first rediscover our spirit, we are usually drawn to nurture and cultivate this awareness."
Shakti Gawain

There is no way to know ourselves unless we have time alone to explore. We have to remember that there is someone inside of us worth knowing. Many people don't like to be alone, either out of a need for a connection with another, or perhaps they don't want to discover who it is they really are. We have to stop all the busyness and realize that alone time is as essential as our other basic needs.

March 16

"I have been told that crying makes me seem soft and therefore of little consequence. As if our softness has to be the price we pay out for power, rather than simply the one that's paid most easily and most often."
Audre Lorde

Tears and softness are not really valued in this society. When women do show their soft side it may be seen as an indirect form of manipulation. But there shouldn't be the need to give up the soft side of who we are and turn on the tough guy act to attain respect. There is a time for tears and there is a time for assertiveness, both can be an expression of strength and love.

March 17

"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been."
Madeline L'Engle

Life is a process and it takes every experience along the way to develop the person we have become. It is a mistake to try to block out certain periods of our lives because they were the result of poor decisions or painful. Getting through the tough times pushed us beyond our limits and into stronger and wiser individuals. Every wrinkle and ache has been hard earned and we need to be proud and thankful for having the opportunity to get older.

March 18

"For me it's a constant discipline to remember to go back inside to connect with my intuition."
Shakti Gawain

Listening to our intuition is a wise thing to do. We need to trust our instincts and respect those first gut feelings about situations. Self-doubt and insecurity can be one's own downfall as time and again we could kick ourselves for not trusting our instincts and heeding the advice from elsewhere. We have much more brainpower than we realize. We live in a society that develops the logical/rational/linear parts of our brains and leaves undeveloped our awareness, intuition and creativity. Remember that those parts of our brains are just as important and are always waiting to be sought out.


To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK TEN, MARCH 5 - MARCH 11

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

 March 5

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
Mother Teresa

It is said that loneliness is not outside, it's inside.
To some it may be hard to understand how a person can be dealing with people all day yet feel all alone. But for many of us who are constantly busy with little extra time to really connect with those we interact with, we may feel very little real connection, and that can be a lonely place. Avoiding a real closeness with people may be a way of avoiding intimacy or getting hurt. For those who feel they can easily be alone and not be lonely, than fine. But for those who feel out of sync and try to fill that void with busyness, they need to reconnect with their spiritual being in order to rediscover what is in their hearts.

March 6

"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh."
Agnes Repplier

To be oversensitive and not be able to laugh at ourselves or at one another, is probably going to result in the failure of an intimate relationship. Getting to really know a person involves seeing their "moments" of what it is to be human. We aren't robots. We stumble and flounder and often make fools of ourselves. To be able to put the ego aside and laugh at it all creates relationships that are grounded in reality, and that is the foundation for intimacy.

March 7

"If, as someone has said,"...to be truly civilized, is to embrace disease..."
Robyn Davidson

The world can be a crazy place. When we are in situations where it just seems bizarre, over time our ability to separate what makes sense from what doesn't may get to the point where we question our own sanity. In trying to constantly adjust to crazy situations, we may start to question what is normal, what is dysfunction and what it really means to "go with the flow".  No, we're not crazy, it is just that a situation may seem to require a crazy person.

March 8

"I found God in myself and I loved her/I loved her fiercely."
Ntozake Shange

"Contact with God is so simple, and we make it so difficult."
It is only when we really know ourselves that we can become aware of the divinity that we share with all things. We are part of this whole scheme of things and once we can love ourselves we can connect with a higher power. Western culture may not appear to value the fact that spirituality is an important  basic need, just as are the physical, emotional and psychological sides.

March 9

"Part of my satisfaction and exultation at each eruption was unmistakably feminist solidarity. You men think you're the only ones that can make a really nasty mess? You think you got all the firepower and God's on your side? You think you run things? Watch this, gents. Watch the Lady act like a woman."
Ursula K. Le Guin

Isn't it interesting that uncontrollable acts of nature are so often given female names. Our technocratic society so often identifies nature as female, a force that is unpredictable and often difficult to control. Mount Saint Helens has become such a symbol. We not only have no control over her eruptions, we can not even predict what she is going to do  next, even with constant surveillance. Nature tells us again and again that we are not always in charge. It is hysterical that when a female simmers silently she is described as a typical woman, and when she blows her top she is also described as a typical woman.

March 10

"I am suddenly filled with that sense of peace and meaning which is, I suppose, what the pious have in mind when they talk about the practice of the presence of God."
Valerie Taylor

The word serenity is something we throw around as needing, yet rarely act upon understanding what it really means. To begin slowing down and taking time out for better mental and physical health, we can catch moments of peace and calm. We have to see these moments as a special thing and not get bored the moment we step away from all the action and drama around us. Serenity is available to all of us.

March 11

"My tidiness and my untidiness, are full of regret and remorse and complex feelings."
Natalia Ginzburg

If nothing else in life, try to remember what is important. End of life regrets so often include not pursuing our passions out of guilt over what we "should" be doing. Responsibilities very easily take precedence over what we would really rather be doing. Try to put your life into chapters. Things that had to wait at one point in life can hopefully be pursued at a later time. For example, being a great housekeeper with a spotless home is wonderful, but if keeping everything "just so" is simply unrealistic with whatever else is going on in life, stop self-judging and feeling the need to explain all the time.


To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 9 February 26 - March 4

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

February 26

"Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier."
Kathleen Norris

In our "be all you can be" society where pride and independence are deemed so important, it sometimes can get to the point where a person just doesn't allow herself to stop. The art of nurturing oneself is not taught in our schools, and even in homes driven for success children may not have many self-nurturing examples during their upbringing. We have to learn that even in a high-tech society, taking the time to nurture oneself is essential for survival. Get to know yourself and what it is that you would love to do with your own special time, and then take it.

February 27

"This is the age of perfectionism, kid. Everybody try their emotional and mental and physical damndest. Strive, strive. Correct all defects."
Judith Guest

Perfectionism can take either of two paths, either trying too hard or never trying at all. Trying to mold ourselves into an ideal results in never feeling good enough, because the ideal isn't realistic. Perfectionism is a form of self-abuse. No amount of self-sacrifice will ever seem like enough since in our striving for that unrealistic ideal, we can never be satisfied.

February 28

"Laughter can be more satisfying than honor; more precious than money; more heart-cleansing than prayer."
Harriet Rochlin

After a good belly hurting laugh, have you ever stopped to realize how less stressed you feel? Many of us get almost self-conscious when laughing in public since we feel it may be viewed as disruptive noise. Laughter should be seen as a gift, contagious to those around us to put a smile on their faces too. Laughter is like the human body wagging it's tail.

March 1

"We both of us secretly believed in an external power that one could tap, if one were in tune with events."
Robyn Davidson

Living in process is living our process and being one with the process of the universe. To be a workaholic removes us from our connection with the living process, and we feel alientated from our spiritual side. The need to always have to have control robs us of feeling connected to a higher purpose. Getting back in touch with who we really are helps us get back in touch with our spiritual beliefs.

March 2

"Feeling crazy may be a mark of sanity in my situation."
Anne Wilson Schaef

The norm in society is the comfort zone. For those who view life a little unconventionally are often considered oddballs or weird. Who is the one to interpret what constitutes normal from dysfunctional? To get to the point in life where you aren't afraid of being different, don't care what people think, is an awakening point where we can feel very 'sane' with our 'craziness'.

March 3

"Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down."
Toni Morrison

The only way to grow is to let go. We too often hang onto our old "shit" like some precious commodity. We stew over the past as if hashing about it enough will make some sort of difference. If you wonder why you feel stuck and held back in your life, perhaps you need to clean out the barnyard stinking up your life. Bury the hurt and anger so that you can finally heal.

March 4

"The white fathers told us, "I think therefore I am," and the Black mother within each of us-the poet- whispers in our dreams, I feel, therefore I can be free."
Audre Lorde

Often we have been trained that feelings are a weakness and can make one irrational. We are told to control our thoughts, get a grip on our emotions, and move on. That may work for a while in our striving for success, but eventually those repressed feelings will erupt with an intensity that can be a shocker. Feelings are very natural. Intuition and gut instincts are tools we would be wise to start trusting.


To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28
Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25