Tired of Being Tired?

Is This How You Feel?

It seems no matter who you talk to, when asked "how are you", the answer may be the automatic response of "fine", but it doesn't take long before those words are followed with "I am so busy I'm going nuts".
Most of us don't need a lot of convincing that half the problems within families is that they are just not getting enough rest. It seems to take a major blow-up or melt-down, and then a period of reflection before anyone realizes how things have crept up and escalated.

The thing is, we already know we are overextending ourselves. We know acting like the energizer bunny may eventually catch up with us. We're tired of being told what to change for a healthier lifestyle because we already know. But as with many health issues, people usually don't truly commit to a change until they are faced with a medical crisis which becomes the turning point in their lives.

A certain amount of stress is good, it gets us moving, keeps us alert, and challenges us to achieve success. But to be continuously in overdrive without getting adequate rest for the body to repair itself cannot go on indefinitely without repercussions.

Located in southeastern Pennsylvania is a Center for Natural Healing called The Clymer Center.
Take a look at the videos under the blog section that discuss Adrenal Fatigue and Adrenal Dysfunction. 
Founded by Dr. Poesnecker in 1968, this center was one of a kind in that they specialize in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Adrenal Dysfunction. Back before most doctors had even heard of these conditions, this center was helping people uncover the underlying cause of their symptoms. Rather than going through the whirlwind of various specialists for symptoms that include depression, anxiety, insomnia, skin flairs, exhaustion, menopausal issues, fertility problems, and autoimmune conditions, these professionals get to the bottom of where it all began, rather than treat each symptom as its own condition. They help the patient get the immune and hormonal systems back into balance.

Here is a very informative video on Adrenal Fatigue:




The suggestion in the use of bath oils, massage oils, or bath salts, is too often followed with the response that there just aren't enough hours in the day.
No one is denying that as fact, but once you develop chronic fatigue, depression, hypertension, or anger issues, you'll end up in a physician's office and be told something has go to change. You'll go home with the comfort of a label to your ailments and a handful of scripts to "fix" things, and hopefully that physician will also inform you that unless you make lifestyle changes there is no magic pill.

Taking care of yourself is not at all a selfish thing to do. All caregivers are told again and again that unless you are mentally and physically strong, you are not going to be up to the demands of caring for someone else for very long.
Start small with your goal to squeeze in time for yourself.

Utilize your crock pot more often. Just knowing in advance what you'll be having for dinner is a stress reliever in itself. If you get home and it is ready to be served, you've just gained an hour of your time.
All you need is 15 minutes to give yourself a foot and calve massage. You can do this while making necessary phone calls or relaxing with your favorite TV show.
A warm bath needn't take more than 30 minutes. Get the kids to bed earlier, they probably need more sleep anyway. Take your nightly cup of tea or glass of wine, a book and run that tub. Or else use that time to reflect on your day and put your worries into perspective. Or don't think about anything, meditation is great.

You'll be amazed at how your mind and body will respond. There are ways to calm your nerves and help you sleep without automatically reaching for prescription or over the counter medications. Once you give yourself permission for these small luxuries, you'll start to look forward to your "me" time. With renewed spiritual energy, you just may find the physical energy to claim another time slot for perhaps a bit of stretching.

Many of us have learned the hard way that though we so often put others' needs before our own, burn-out is a very real possibility. The phrase "If Mom isn't happy, no one is happy" may be said with humor but there is no denying that a home filled with positive energy and laughter is a much happier place to be than one where its occupants are too tired to smile anymore.
The work gets done eventually.

Below are just a few options to help. Remember the Calgon slogan, "Calgon, Take Me Away!"? The fact that years later people still remember that TV commercial shows just how effective consumer psychology can be.
We should also remember the Clairol commercial's phrase, "Because You Deserve It!"

Below are a few options as a means to bring a little serenity into your life.
A few choices include a calming air or linen spray, bath salts, massage oils and bath oils.

CALMING, SLEEP AIR AND LINEN SPRAY

LAVENDER BATH SALTS

TROUBLE SLEEPING MASSAGE OIL

NERVOUS TENSION BATH OIL

EASE THE ACHE ANTI-INFLAMMATORY BATH OIL

MEADOW MUFFIN GARDENS

But It Says Blueberries On The Box! What's Really In Your Food

It seems wherever we turn we are bombarded with articles sending the message that the food industry cares little about the health of those consuming its products.  Truth is, these corporations are 'for profit' organizations with the priority being to give the consumer what they want at the least possible cost to the company. As long as they are following labeling laws and pass FDA inspections, they certainly aren't going to let ethics interfere. How they shop and feed their own families is their business. That is why it is imperative for families to do their own research and not be gullible to the power of slick advertising.
Click here to watch a video using blueberries as an example of why we as consumers have to do our own homework.

Mega supermarkets and convenience foods didn't take off until consumers were willing to pay for such time saving solutions in their meal planning. With all the pressures in life, it would be nice to know the food we buy for our families is what it claims to be and not just a convincing advertising ploy. Reading labels is the only way to be sure of what you are buying. As educated adults we know that as long as the label says what is in the product the food companies have done their part, and if we as consumers choose to buy packaged and prepared food that is our decision.

The irritation is why should we have to pay top dollar for the natural, organic, "better" foods. Why should our food bills be twice as high if we want wholesome food that is nutritious and not just empty calories to satisfy hunger. It's enough to make one paranoid that everything we put in our mouths is altered or tampered with, and not really food at all, just artificially colored, flavored, scented, salted, sweetened stuff. If it tastes good, the customer seems happy, maybe not healthy, but good enough. Do most people even know what wholesome fresh food is supposed to taste like to even make a comparison?

As a parent, it is very frustrating to feel no matter which way we turn there is something to make us feel insecure and inadequate. Few decisions in life have more anxiety wrapped up in them than the decision for parents whether to be traditional, and have one spouse put a career on hold and focus on the home front, or try to do it all and juggle home, spouse, children and career.

Can it be that unless we are in a position to be able to grow and put up our own food, bake our own goods and keep the pots simmering from scratch, we're not doing what is in the best interest of our families? But how many can realistically do that? Not many people are in a position to become a homesteader. When you don't get in the door until dinnertime there often isn't the time to prepare many of the main meals from scratch. (Thank goodness for the crock pot.) Many folks just don't have access to convenient seasonal co-ops or farmers markets. Therefore, they are dependent on their grocery stores and just hope the fresh foods available aren't too laden with pesticides and the soil it grew in had some value to it. Not everyone can afford the organic section when they try to stick to a food budget.

So what is a parent supposed to do? There is no way we as a society can turn back now. Our age of technology is so interdependent and woven we usually have to pay for every little thing we need. I can remember the thrill of eating foraged plants or out of the garden and thinking "wow, this is really free!" It is almost comical when you compare that way of thinking with how our hunter, gatherer ancestors survived.

We need air filters for our homes for clean air to breathe, water filters on our taps for purified water, access to a Trader Joe's, Whole Foods or co-ops for decent food. So the choice becomes ours.
We can run a little faster on the hamster wheel of the workplace to make more money to afford it all in hopes for better health, only to lose our mental or physical health anyway from all the stress.

Or, we can reevaluate our lifestyles and walk away from it all to become more self-sustaining. But to grow and put up our own food requires time, effort and a commitment not everyone is willing to give.

Most of us will take the middle road and try to become more aware in our consumer choices, better organize our free time to perhaps plant a garden, shop at farmer's markets and co-ops, learn how to can or freeze extra produce, and just do the best we can with our individual situations.

An interesting article written by Scott Morefield, entitled "Four Ways Our Family Says No to GMO's" addresses the concern with genetically modified organisms in our food supply. He believes the best thing we can do for our health is to remove GMO's from our diets. In this article he focuses on the problem with corn, soy, white sugar and canola oil. He sums it up by saying the best way to avoid these "franken-engineered crops" is to just avoid the center aisles in the grocery store.

This code chart is handy to remember while shopping for produce at your supermarket.

Now back to blueberries. July is the month to take advantage of the availability and best prices for fresh blueberries. Very easy to freeze for use all year long, this fruit is considered one of the 'must eat foods'.

Try making these delicious blueberry muffins. As with any home baked goodie, without preservatives they only stay fresh for a few days. If a batch of 24 at a time is just too many, simply freeze the extras.




HOMEMADE BLUEBERRY MUFFINS

4 eggs
2 cups sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp. vanilla extract
4 cups all-purpose flour (or 2 cups all-purpose and 2 cups wheat or another whole grain of choice)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
2 cups (16 oz) sour cream or plain yogurt)
2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries

In a mixing bowl, beat eggs. Gradually add sugar. While beating, slowly add the oil and then the vanilla.
Combine the dry ingredients in another bowl. Sift to blend thoroughly. I just toss with a pastry blender.
Add the dry ingredients alternately with the sour cream or yogurt to the egg mixture.
Don't over mix muffins, stir only till moistened; don't worry about pressing out every lump.
Gently fold in blueberries, try to keep the blueberries whole.
Spoon into greased muffin tins. The typical muffin tin uses about 1/3 cup batter per muffin. 
This batch will make about 24 muffins.
Baked at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

Back to Beauty Basics with Baking Soda, Vinegar and Salt

Whether you've decided to simply clear out the clutter under your bathroom sink or just clear out the constant worrying about what hazards are in your personal care products, you may want to go back to the bare basics in what is really needed for personal hygiene.

Cleanliness and a holistic beauty routine can be achieved with three basic ingredients you probably already have in your home:
baking soda, salt, and apple cider vinegar

Everyone wants clean, white teeth, yet the expense of a professional treatment is usually a deterrent, and  the safety and efficiency of the over-the-counter whitening products may result in less than satisfactory results. So why not turn to the tried and true methods used by people long before commercial toothpastes were even available.

A combination of salt and baking soda is an inexpensive, safe and time tested methods of maintaining a healthy mouth and strong teeth.

Ideally, you want to use a natural, unbleached sea salt. Sea salt still contains nutrients such as calcium, magnesium, silicon, phosphorus, sodium, iodine and iron. These elements strengthen gums, helps remove plaque, protects against bad breath and over time, even whitens teeth. Being salt makes you salivate, an antibacterial barrier is created that protects tooth enamel.

Most of us can remember as children the remedy for a sore throat or toothache was to rinse with salt water. Mixing a half teaspoon of sea salt with about four ounces of water made a great mouth rinse to help relieve mouth and throat inflammation and destroy bacteria.


The natural method to whitening teeth is to use baking soda or sodium bicarbonate. Being highly alkaline, baking soda has many cleaning uses and eliminating tarter and plaque from teeth and gums is no exception. Tooth decay is caused by acids in the mouth. Baking soda counteracts this acidity, and in doing so kills bacteria and germs which causes decay and bad breath. It is gritty enough to clean yet not so abrasive that it will wear away tooth enamel.

The ratio is about 6:1, baking soda to sea salt. Combine the baking soda and the salt and store in a little container to keep it dry. Dip a wet toothbrush into about a half teaspoon of the mixture or if you use a shaker top container, shake a bit onto your wet brush. Then gently brush your teeth, rinse and spit, being careful not to swallow the mixture.

NOTE:  Don't brush your teeth more than twice a week with baking soda. Slightly abrasive to tooth enamel, used repeatedly over time can weaken the enamel.

If you have braces or permanent retainers, don't brush with baking soda. Reactions with the baking soda can leave behind dark spots.


Want a back-to-basics method for cleaning your hair?
 Use baking soda and apple cider vinegar.

If you're fed up with your hair and frustrated that no matter what a product claims to do, you still can't achieve the results you want, then maybe it is time to just start over with as basic as you can get.

The decision to steer away from commercially made shampoos usually stems from frustration with your hair, scalp sensitivity and/or the growing awareness of the potentially toxic chemicals often added to skin and hair care products.

Washing your hair with baking soda and vinegar, the No-Poo method, is cheap, shampoo-free, conditioner-free, natural hair care. Shampoos advertised as leaving your hair squeaky clean do so but eventually may strip away protective oils and dry out the hair. What happens is that when hair dries out the protective cuticle layers are open, resulting in hard to manage fly away hair.

Many of our hair care products are strongly alkaline and cause a dulling buildup on the hair shaft.
Healthy hair is on the mildly acidic side of the pH scale between 4.5 and 5.5. Apple cider vinegar has an acidic pH of 2.9. Apple cider vinegar rinses help to balance the pH and remove buildup, giving you a softer, shinier, easier to detangle head of hair. Rinsing will close the hair shafts resulting in a smoother surface.

Changing your routine will be met with a period of transition. Try not to use the poo method once and say it didn't work. For some people, this adjustment period could take a week or even a month or two. You'll find over time that you'll only need to shampoo every few days.

This is how it is done:

Have the following ready before going into the shower:
Add 1 Tbsp. baking soda to a dixie cup or whatever small cup you choose. Add just enough water to form a paste.
Have the vinegar handy in a plastic squeezy bottle. Have a plastic 1 or 2 cup size measuring cup.


 First:

Wet your hair. Apply the baking soda paste to your scalp and give yourself a wonderful massage to stimulate blood flow. Using your fingertips, start making a circle on top of your head, beginning with the back and fill in the circle with your fingers making little scrubbing motions. Don't forget your temples and the base at the neck. This massage method cleans the pores and loosens built up grime. It isn't necessary to work down the length of your hair. When you rinse, the runoff will clean the hair on its way down. Don't get any of this in your eyes.

Next:

 

There are two choices for applying the vinegar:
1. Dilute 1/2-1 Tbsp vinegar to 1 cup water for short hair or
1-2 Tbsp vinegar to 2 cups water for long hair.

Pour the vinegar/water mixture onto your hair and scalp. Repeat this again if desired. Let sit a minute or so and rinse with lukewarm water (a blast of cold water will seal the cuticles of the hair). Some people don't bother with a final rinse to wash out the vinegar. Leaving it in does help with tangles but for some this proves irritating to their skin.

OR
2. You can just pour a tablespoon or two of vinegar directly onto your scalp, let it sit on your hair a minute or so, and then rinse. Vinegar is rather strong so use your own judgement which method to use. Some people find this undiluted method too strong for their scalp.

Periodic apple cider vinegar hair rinses will also help prevent or get rid of a flaky or itchy scalp.

For help with dandruff it is recommended to use the direct application method. Massage the vinegar thoroughly onto the scalp and let sit for at least 15 minutes.
The acids and enzymes in the vinegar kill the "bottle bacillus", a bacteria that is one of the causes for many scalp and hair conditions. The bacteria clogs hair follicles allowing dry crusts to form that itch and flake.

Now to resolve any problems:

If your hair becomes frizzy, use less baking soda or don't let it sit on your hair as long. Baking soda is a very effective cleaner, so you may have to play around with how much to use.

If your hair becomes greasy, use less vinegar or try applying the vinegar only to the ends of your hair.

If your hair dries out, use coconut oil or jojoba oil by applying just a bit to ends and scrunch. Leave this in. Repeat once a week or as needed.

Note:
Vinegar will not strip hair color the way chemical lighteners will so it shouldn't remove hair dye. The effect of vinegar is more subtle.


 

The Opposite of Depression is not Happiness, but Vitality

It is a shame there is a stigma attached to depression as being a form of weakness. As long as there is such a resistance in broaching the subject and bringing it out into the open, a great number of people shall continue to suffer, far more than we may realize.  There is usually little hesitation to go to a doctor for a physical ailment, yet observe any group gathering and often the topics of conversation are health issues. Yet rarely do you hear people answering the question "How are you feeling" with anything other than the usual "I'm fine".

There is a difference between being sad and being depressed.

According to Dr. Olivia I. Okereke, the academic director of the Geriatric Psychiatry Program at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, There are two core features of depression.
"To be diagnosed a person has to have at least one. The first is depressed mood. People are questioned if they sometimes feel sad. The second is anhedonia, or the inability to feel pleasure. People are asked if they still enjoy the things they previously enjoyed."

We all go through periods of sadness due to life circumstances. The difference between a bout of the blues and clinical depression depends on how things play out in time.  When something traumatizing or devastating happens, we go through the stages of shock, the denial, the anger, the sinking, and eventually we accept what is and can move on with our lives.
However, if a length of time passes and everyday normal activities become too much trouble and nothing in life seems to mean anything, it may be necessary to seek professional help. People suffering from depression are very aware that what is happening to them isn't normal and it may seem ridiculous that just getting dressed has become too much trouble.

Oftentimes, the response from friends and family to this kind of apathy is impatience, advice to "snap out of it", to "get with it", to "get motivated", and "stop being so lazy"; as if it were that simple. Depression is a very real disorder and until society realizes that and takes it seriously, it will continue to be what they call the "silent destroyer".

Below is a very enlightening video by speaker, Andrew Solomon, about his own experiences with this disease. He speaks on how he survived this period of his life and reflects on his observations through speaking to other people suffering from depression.

 

The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality

Andrew Solomon

The standard methods of treatment for depression include drug therapy, such as SSRI's, which are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, antidepressants and psychiatric therapy.
These may or may not be effective and usually involve side effects such as feeling like a zombie, mood swings, and even suicidal tendencies. Then should a patient try to wean himself off of the medication, there are serious withdrawal symptoms to consider, oftentimes causing a spiral downwards even more.

Home Remedies for Depression is an option that many believe has a far better success rate than conventional methods.
Taking a holistic approach involves a lot more than popping pills. It takes commitment and often lifestyle changes. Rather than the accepted view that depression is a biochemical imbalance in the brain caused by a lack of serotonin and a genetic flaw, the holistic viewpoint is that the biochemical imbalance is caused by toxic overload and nutritional deficiencies. It is these nutritional deficiences that result in a serotonin imbalance, which then affects mood.

A list of dietary supplements which have shown results are as follows:

L-Tyrosine use shows an improvement in mental alertness and memory retain ability.

L-Tryptophan is one of the strongest home remedies for depression there is. It is known as an "emotional stabilizer" in that it has a calming effect.

L-Phenylalanine is very stimulating to the nervous system and brain. It increases mental alertness and memory.

L-Glutamine is known as "brain fuel". It is an energy source for the brain and absorbs toxic ammonia and accumulated heavy metals.

Chromium and Vanadium help regulate blood sugar levels.


Magnesium may be the most important mineral as far as natural treatments are concerned. Magnesium deficiencies cause mood levels to plummet. There is a strong connection between a decrease of magnesium in our soil and the deficiency seen in the human population today.

 Other important nutrients your body needs to help combat depression include:
 Vitamin D, Folic acid, Vitamin B5, B6, B12, Vitamin C, Zinc, Iron, Lithium, Co Q10, and the full spectrum of trace minerals.

Herbal Home Remedies for Depression 

St. Johnswort can be very effective for mild depression. St. Johnswort is able to prevent the absorption of serotonin by the nerve cells in the brain, which helps to stabilize mood fluctuations.

Licorice Root acts on cortisol, which is the stress hormone. Licorice root is able to hinder production of cortisol in the body which eases symptoms of depression and stabilize mood.

Siberian Ginseng is considered an adaptogen in that it has a stabilizing effect and calms people in stressful situations.

Chamomile acts as a sedative and very popular taken in soothing tea form.

Ding Xin Wan is a Chinese herb and very helpful for insomnia and loss of appetite.

Saffron studies have shown it to be as effective as Prozac in treating depression.


Black Cohosh is extremely beneficial in the treatment of depression that is associated with menopause.

Lavender is very popular as an essential oil in aromatherapy. It calms the mind and induces sleep.

Valerian has a very calming effect on the nerves and helps with sleeplessness.

Ginko is popular because it does not interact with drugs and supplements.

Let's not forget the importance of physical activity for mental and physical health.
You will think better, sleep better, and feel better.


Taking the time for a relaxing bath is a luxury many people don't take advantage of. Allow yourself to rest. Your soul speaks to you in the quiet moments in between your thoughts. Utilize the benefits of plants through aromatherapy. Certain essences have an uplifting effect on the mind and emotions.

Uplift the Spirits Bath Oil

Added 2019

Depression is like snow

Author: Anonymous

"Some days it’s only a couple of inches. It’s a pain in the ass, but you still make it to work, the grocery store. Sure, maybe you skip the gym or your friend’s birthday party, but it IS still snowing and who knows how bad it might get tonight. Probably better to just head home. Your friend notices, but probably just thinks you are flaky now, or kind of an asshole.

Some days it snows a foot. You spend an hour shoveling out your driveway and are late to work. Your back and hands hurt from shoveling. You leave early because it’s really coming down out there. Your boss notices.

Some days it snows four feet. You shovel all morning but your street never gets plowed. You are not making it to work, or anywhere else for that matter. You are so sore and tired you just get back in the bed. By the time you wake up, all your shoveling has filled back in with snow. Looks like your phone rang; people are wondering where you are. You don’t feel like calling them back, too tired from all the shoveling. Plus they don’t get this much snow at their house so they don’t understand why you’re still stuck at home. They just think you’re lazy or weak, although they rarely come out and say it.

Some weeks it’s a full-blown blizzard. When you open your door, it’s to a wall of snow. The power flickers, then goes out. It’s too cold to sit in the living room anymore, so you get back into bed with all your clothes on. The stove and microwave won’t work so you eat a cold Pop Tart and call that dinner. You haven’t taken a shower in three days, but how could you at this point? You’re too cold to do anything except sleep.

Sometimes people get snowed in for the winter. The cold seeps in. No communication in or out. The food runs out. What can you even do, tunnel out of a forty foot snow bank with your hands? How far away is help? Can you even get there in a blizzard? If you do, can they even help you at this point? Maybe it’s death to stay here, but it’s death to go out there too.

The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shoveling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you or the whole world.

Also, the snow builds up in other areas, places you can’t shovel, sometimes places you can’t even see. Maybe it’s on the roof. Maybe it’s on the mountain behind the house. Sometimes, there’s an avalanche that blows the house right off its foundation and takes you with it. A veritable Act of God, nothing can be done. The neighbors say it’s a shame and they can’t understand it; he was doing so well with his shoveling.

I don’t know how it went down for Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade. It seems like they got hit by the avalanche, but it could’ve been the long, slow winter. Maybe they were keeping up with their shoveling. Maybe they weren’t. Sometimes, shoveling isn’t enough anyway. It’s hard to tell from the outside, but it’s important to understand what it’s like from the inside.

I firmly believe that understanding and compassion have to be the base of effective action. It’s important to understand what depression is, how it feels, what it’s like to live with it, so you can help people both on an individual basis and a policy basis. I’m not putting heavy shit out here to make your Friday morning suck. I know it feels gross to read it, and realistically it can be unpleasant to be around it, that’s why people pull away.

I don’t have a message for people with depression like “keep shoveling”. It’s asinine. Of course you’re going to keep shoveling the best you can, until you physically can’t, because who wants to freeze to death inside their own house? We know what the stakes are. My message is to everyone else. Grab a fucking shovel and help your neighbor. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plow your neighborhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.

Depression is blind chemistry and physics, like snow. And like the weather, it is a mindless process, powerful and unpredictable with great potential for harm. But like climate change, that doesn’t mean we are helpless. If we want to stop losing so many people to this disease, it will require action at every level."

---

Third Hand Smoke, Another Risk Factor

 Another post about the dangers of smoking, cancer and COPD may seem like just "preaching to the choir". No one wants the obvious pointed out yet again, and may sum it up as the rants from a bitter and angry person. I'd say it's more of a consuming sadness over the outcome from poor choices made by those we love. It's the frustration in dealing with the "it could have been so different" or the "if only" regrets people have later in life.

Being we now know what we know about the damage done by cigarettes, it is infuriating to think the tobacco industry could be fully aware of the potential addiction and  harm caused by smoking.
The cigarettes themselves are made to almost ensure the smoker will enjoy it enough to want another and another to the point of physical and emotional dependence. 

Most of us are aware that smoking is not only limited to the smoker but the chain of potential harm extends to anyone, pet or human, that breathes the same air. But did you know there is such a thing as Third Hand Smoke?


Third Hand Smoke is the residue that drifts and settles on every object in the vicinity...the walls, ceiling, floor, linens, curtains and every piece of furniture in between. It floats and adheres to our clothes, our pet's fur, our hair, etc. I can recall as a child, how periodically, my mother would attempt to remove the grimy, yellowing film which discolored the kitchen walls.

Anyone in real estate must dread trying to sell a home where the occupants were smokers. Trying to remove that odor embedded into everything is a real challenge. Soap and water just won't cut it. Smoke residues are alkaline, therefore, something acidic like vinegar is necessary. The risk with vinegar is that it may affect the color of fabric and carpets. Carpets are such a challenge, it may be best to just remove them from the home.

Children and pets are dependent and vulnerable. The consequences of the choices made by the adults in the home may not be apparent at the time, and no one can prove anything to place blame should a health condition arise, but it seems ludicrous to even take that chance. Children touch everything and inevitably their fingers end up in their mouths. With pets, their mouths are like a child's hands, and again whatever is touched is ingested.

The main particles left behind after smoking are carcinogens, nicotine, cyanide, radioactive polonium-210, lead, arsenic, butane and aromatic hydrocarbons.
Those particles left behind don't just sit there. There is a phenomenon called an off-gassing process which is where gases are exposed to the air from the particles left over on the surroundings after smoking. Toxins are released into the atmosphere long after the smoking is over.

Just a reminder to those parents who excuse their behavior by saying they don't expose their children or pets because they go outside to smoke. They are still exposing their clothes, hair and skin to those settling smoke residues, which by the way, don't just float harmlessly away. People must realize that whatever is on their lips when they kiss their child, or their fingers when they reach for their child, ends up on that child.

Being we live in a social society where it is nearly impossible to avoid human contact and indoor air, the best we can do is just be aware of our surroundings. If you attend a social gathering where smoking is allowed, be sure to shower and wash your clothes when you get home. Protect your children and pets by not being too meek to voice your rules concerning their welfare. If people think you are being a b***h, so be it. Women are too often raised that it is impolite to speak up or make waves. That "good little girl syndrome" has to be put aside when it is necessary to be a mother bear.

We hear it all the time that knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss. Anyone who jokes that the less they know, the happier they'll be, is a fool. Back in the day when smoking was commonplace and people honestly didn't know how harmful it can be, it was understandable how they could have continued such a habit. But today, with information being so accessible, and the advances in scientific research, there is no excuse for the "I didn't know". The grown children of those who are now paying the price with their health, can see first hand what can happen. The children have no choice but to witness the heartbreak of watching their loved ones suffer through chronic illness and potential early death. They may be put in the position to become caregivers at a time in life when they are trying to raise their own families, and rather than enjoying grandchildren, parents are struggling just to breathe.

Resist the temptation to use cigarattes as a way to relieve tension, calm the nerves, curb the appetite, peer pressure, relieve depression, or whatever other reasoning there is.
Better to choose a friend who will stick by you when the chips are down, not actually stick it to you.

Notes From The Heart of a Caregiver

“Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.” – Helen Keller

1. Caregivers don't plan on this bend in the road of their lives. No one can possibly know what they are going to do in a given situation until it is upon them. There is no job training to prepare one for the demands of a job that often only seems to be going downhill. With medical conditions and the effects of the drugs to manage those conditions, it may seem that there is always something popping up, adding another specialist to the list of diagnosis codes.
This is a journey that takes both the loved one and the caregiver down one of the most vulnerable, emotional, guilt ridden, physically exhausting roads imaginable.

2. Opening up your home to an aging parent may seem the most practical, cost efficient, loving thing to do. But do not do this in haste or through emotion. Go into it with your eyes wide open and realize that once you make the decision, you are all in for the long haul.
Don't naively assume that other family members will be so grateful that the burden was taken off their minds that they will be making a trodden down path to your door offering empathy and help. Don't assume that their knowing their loved one is well taken care of amidst family and not forced to be placed in an Assisted Living facility that it will bring the family closer together. Don't assume the amount of money save will be appreciated in leaps and bounds.
Notice I mentioned the word "assumed" several times.

3. You cannot force anyone to become a caregiver or step up to the plate for a commitment. We all have busy lives, and carving out time for additional responsibilities, may not be welcomed with any kind of enthusiasm. Do not assume that just because the time has come, the children will offer their services. Yes, he or she is their parent too, but you cannot assume they will think the way you do, or for that matter, to even feel obligated. Be very prepared for the fact that you, the caregiver, just may be labeled the martyr, who has no right interrupting their lives or making demands based on principal. Their attitude may be on a subconscious level, it may be their way of handling the reality that they are slowly losing their parent. The outcome is that however things become construed, the caregiver may feel shunned and wonder where it all went so wrong.

4. With or without a family support system, the time may come where outside services are necessary. Physical limitations, chronic or terminal health considerations, and safety issues all take their toll on everyone involved and oftentimes it is best to get an opinion from a third party who can observe the family dynamics from the outside looking in.
When I took matters into my own hands and inquired into a support group and requested the help of a Case Manager, we all received wonderful advice about available services. But it also backfired. I opened up our family's business to an "outsider", to which in their minds I had no right to do. So, yes I got the information I needed and the siblings were educated a bit as to the reality of the situation, but in the end we became more estranged than before.

5. Don't bang your head against the wall trying to make someone happy. How people view things in life became ingrained throughout their lifetimes. Some people have trouble gracefully accepting from others without that feeling of something being owed in return. It is very hard to change such an attitude, since it is usually tied in with a fierce sense of pride and independence. Some people see the "cup as half full", others only see the "cup as half empty" and focus on the negative. If someone is unhappy with themselves, that attitude shows, and it has nothing to do with the other person. It has nothing to do with not being grateful. It's just a black cloud that won't rain itself out, it continues to hang low and heavy, blocking out any sunshine trying to poke through. If you as the caregiver are trying to maintain a home full of positive energy and warmth, be that ray of sunshine and just shine on. Continue to do what you've been doing as far as keeping the person safe, clean, fed and medically cared for. If they choose to wallow in their misery, it is their choice, don't get pulled down too.

6. Separate yourself, step outside the situation, or it will destroy you. Love them and supply their needs but consider it a job, and do it well. You cannot try to drag a mule to water for very long without finding yourself on the losing end of the rope.We all know that unless we take care of ourselves, we are of no use in caring for another. If you don't have family support for respite care so you can get away from the situation, even if it's just a few hours at a time, then seek outside services. There are agencies who have people who will come to your home, and just keep your loved one company at minimal cost to you. Check with your County's Area Agency On Aging for information as to what's available in your area for help in the care of your parent. They can also let you know where support groups are held. It is imperative that you have someone to talk to, vent to, to know there are others in your situation.
Be sure to try to get enough sleep, eat properly and exercise. Neglect of these basic needs will catch up to you and you may find yourself falling into your own state of depression or you may develop a chronic illness due to the prolonged stress.

7. You, the child, has now become the parent.
I don't know how many times I have asked myself the following questions:,
 "What am I dealing with?"
 "What is real and what is learned helplessness?"

When this journey began, satisfying my mother's every need was very rewarding. After a lifetime of hard work, worries and stress, she was simply worn out. Taking care of her was a pleasure if it made her life easier and a time of deserved rest. Our mother admitted she enjoyed being taken care of. But as any parent knows, that stage of being totally depended upon eventually ends. And by then the parent is more than ready for this next stage because it it physically and emotionally exhausting.

When a parent moves into their adult child's home, he or she may always feel a guest. You can do everything in your power to make them feel welcome, help them feel productive, and giving them their own space to make it their own. How the parent adapts to his or her new living situation has a lot to do with personality and medical condition.  Two years later we still do not know if our mother's refusal to learn anything new, such as the kitchen appliances, is simply her lack of accepting change or a realistic health concern with developing Dementia. Regardless, the lack of self-sufficiency is a daily drain on whomever is depended upon for meals, laundry, hygiene, medications, errands, doctor appointments, etc.

Over time, this daily frustration resulted in many an episode of an outburst, followed with bouts of guilt and apologies. Just like a parent nagging a child about what is good for them, the caregiver may be at wit's end trying to get through to the parent about what he or she should be doing to improve their mental and physical health. Too much television, too much laying in bed, unwillingness to exercise, refusal to go outdoors in the fresh air, refusal to leave their room and join the rest of the family, refusal to get involved in activities that would be wonderful mental stimulation with people, the list goes on and on. This nagging ends up being just like the type of parenting called "policing" where the child simply tunes out the tone of voice of the parent.

While very aware and empathetic towards the life she must now accept, it is maddening to witness  a person letting life pass her by, holed up in her room with little interest in much of anything. Anti-depressants may or may not work. For some people anti-depressants can make all the difference, but in other cases the side effects outweigh the potential benefits.
Do your research into these medications and consider natural supplements and alternative therapy.

8. Our children were a full time responsibility at one time, needing round the clock care and supervision. The difference between the demands of children and the demands of a elderly parent, is that with children, their learning experiences move them forward towards autonomy and independence. Older parents with failing health are moving backwards. Those who see them every day have no choice but to witness the heartbreaking loss of their losing a little more of themselves, bit by bit, and being fully aware of it. For those dealing with confusion and forms of Dementia, they say the hardest part is the early stages when the patient knows what is happening to them and feeling powerless to stop it. The denial, anger, and depression that follows can be overwhelming. To know one is losing their physical health on top of losing one's mental faculties is gut wrenching. It is very, very difficult for the caregiver to realize that no matter what efforts they make to try to bring a smile back on their loved one's face is often futile and it is time to just leave them alone. Accepting what is, is a monumental hurdle to being able to go on.

9. It is hard enough when a person is forced to deal with the loss of their physical abilities, but when their mental faculties become threatened as well, it can become a sinking hole.
It may feel like that person you knew may be gone. You have to remember that even if your parent cannot communicate or behave the way you are familiar, that person is still in there, and needs all the support possible.
With the stages of Dementia, it is often a grieving process that the family has to go through twice. We have to understand that this person who is our parent is still our mother or father. The person may not be who we remember, but we have to stop trying to force him or her to be that person again. It is different now, a new normal, and we must accept their loss even while they are still living. Then when the day comes when their physical body passes on, we must grieve their loss all over again.

10. Accept what is with each day. As you notice something new in behavior or level of ability, deal with another chip falling away and accept it. As with many things in life, it is what it is, and we have no choice but to accept what we cannot change.

11. The decision to place a loved one in an Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing facility is often the most guilt ridden, tortured decision a person has to make. But if the care of a parent becomes overwhelming, it may be what is best for everyone in the end.
Do your homework before you need a facility. Do not wait until your loved one is in the hospital and then you are scrambling to "find a bed" somewhere. You don't want to just find a place anywhere that has an opening. Yes, availability will fluctuate, but at least you'll already have an idea of what facilities are of the quality care you want and you are aware of the costs involved. Understand the difference between Assisted Living and Skilled Nursing Care. Find out what benefits your parent's insurance has in regards to long term care. Find out what the co-pays will be, and for how long, find out what will be the out-of-pocket expenses. Know ahead of time exactly what the financial status is so you'll know if your parent qualifies for medicaid, program benefits, or if it will be mostly private pay. Make sure someone is designated to be the Financial Power of Attorney and someone is designated to be the Medical Power of Attorney. Privacy laws are very strict and even though you may be immediate family, you'll be in for many a headache unless the paperwork is there, especially if the parent can no longer make important decisions regarding his or her welfare.

12. You may not be able to change a situation, but you can change your attitude towards that situation. When I was first told this little tidbit of advice I was furious. I felt my husband hadn't a clue what we were going through and was pointing a finger at me for being part of the problem. But the more I thought about it, I realized that my relationship with my mother was so intertwined and complicated that my frustrations resulted not in her change of attitude, but in pulling her down even further out of guilt and feeling a burden.



Try to maintain your sense of humor. Sometimes things can get so ridiculous that instead of losing your temper from exasperation, take a moment to breathe and you may end up just laughing.

Lupus, Skin Cancer Awareness and the Ideal Sun Hat

It is that time of year when the itch to get outside gets stronger with every sunny day. 

May is Lupus Awareness Month and other than the endless question being "what is Lupus", there is very little understanding about what the sun has to do with anything.

Photosensitivity or sensitivity to ultraviolet (UV) light, is a common symptom of lupus. It can take different forms. Some people actually become ill after exposure with nausea, fatigue and headaches. Others may suffer a flare-up with arthritis, alopecia, pleurisy or mucosal ulcerations. The most common problem with UV exposure is the lupus rash. The rash may be limited to just those areas of exposure or it may pop up on different parts of the body. For more information on the effects from the sun you may be interested in this past post.

I've always adored the sun and I love the warmth of summer...as long as I have my hat. I keep an extra in my car, the truck and never go on a day trip without it. Just the idea of breaking down and having to walk without my hat is cause for anxiety because I know within five minutes of the blaring sun I'll feel "out of it" and nauseated. I can do most anything I want outside as long as I keep moving (not just sitting around) and I have the protection of a five inch brim, no baseball caps for me. However, I know better than to spend long days either at the beach or on a boat out in the water. Don't be foolish and let yourself be put in situations where you feel trapped and can't get away from the sun's intensity.

Since I'll never be able to enjoy summer activities without smashing down any type of nice hair style, the least I can do is not feel self-conscious about my head gear.

There are hundreds of sun hats out there, and I've become very selective.

First, it is a rare day when there isn't a breeze in the air, and little is more annoying than the feeling that your hat is going to blow off your head. No one wants to walk around all day with one hand holding the thing in place. So my hat of choice must have ties or a drawstring.

Second, those cheap straw hats with the loose weave are worthless for protection. A minimum sun protective rating of UPF 40+ is necessary and worth the extra money from the suppliers who offer such a thing.

Third is the size of the brim. Baseball caps offer shade on the face but won't do much else. Needed is an all around brim of 4 to 5 inches. I've tried the typical 3 inch brim and can feel the difference.

Last is the style of the hat itself. Two things about that:

First, since a hat goes wherever I go, it is nice to have a portable hat that folds. Very annoying is traveling in an airplane with a stiff hat that can't be stowed anywhere. Nice is a hat that is meant to be folded and tucked in a suitcase or totebag.

Second, forget those big floppy things. They may look sexy and flattering in pictures, but are the most annoying things to actually wear. Your peripheral vision is obliterated and you definitely lose self-confidence maneuvering in a crowd when you feel your vision is obstructed. 

So the selection is limited, but I have found sites that do carry attractive, practical sun hats for men, women and children.

The picture hats below are from wonderful companies with sun protection as their objective. The average cost is between $35 and $55 but worth it. Just like a good pair of shoes that will get worn to their bitter end.

Sun protection is certainly not just for those with a condition. Skin cancer is a very real concern for everyone of all skin types. Those little spots that turn up on the face years later probably got their start during childhood bouts with sunburn. Already sporting two little facial scars from removal of such basil cells, common sense with sun exposure is nothing to brush off in our desire for a tan or our vanity. The hat below is a favorite and is from Sunday Afternoons.

Frecklescalifornia Sun Hat

Sun Precautions Sun Hat

Coolibar Sun Hat