“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
~ Maya Angelou
"Beauty is only an herb away", all-natural, holistic, handmade care for families and pets.
Guided by wisdom and knowledge from past generations, information often tucked away in quaint old books resurfaces to remind us that 'simple is best'.
On December 28, 2015, President Obama signed into effect the "Microbead Free Waters Act", which prohibits the sale of products that include microbeads in their formula and will ban microbeads in the U.S. as of July 2017.
This is wonderful since microbeads have become an environmental disaster. The polymer technology to manufacture polymer beads was invented by the late Norwegian Professor John Ugelstad and these perfect little monosized spheres went into production in 2002 with the Norwegian company, Microbeads AS. They were used in a wide range of industries, not just with cosmetics and personal care. Uses included paints, plastics, ceramics and adhesives. Being cheap to manufacture, they seemed like a dream until it was realized how destructive they were to marine life.
Microbeads are made of non-biodegradable plastic. When they get washed down the drain they end up in local rivers and lakes. Being so tiny, they slip right through most water treatment systems.
About the same size as fish eggs, to any organism that lives in the water, they look like food. Once in the food web, such toxins are passed right along to humans and other wildlife.
Microbeads are in so many personal care products, body scrubs, facial cleanses, toothpastes, all things most everyone uses on a daily basis. So many beads are believed to be polluting the Great Lakes that our world's largest source of fresh water is being poisoned.
Until the ban is completely in effect, what you can do is read labels. If polyethylene or polypropylene are listed as an ingredient, there is most likely microbeads in that product.
Another option is to use other sources for exfoliation.
The definition of exfoliation is the cosmetic practice of removing dead skin cells from the top layer of the skin, called the epidermis. Amazing fact is that our skin can naturally shed 30,000 to 40,000 dead cells per minute.
If you feel your face or body has a dull appearance it could mean an accumulation of those dead surface cells. Remove them by means of dry brushing, a loofah sponge, a hemp scrubby pad or by using a salt or sugar scrub.
Complaints people often have with moisturizers is that they seem to leave an oily residue. Of course a reason could be the lotion itself, but it could also be because the person is applying a moisturizer to old, dead skin cells and it is not penetrating the upper layer of the skin.
Sugar scrubs are a great way to slough off that old layer, unclog blocked pores, and reveal radiant freshness to perk up that tired look.
Cane sugar contains a naturally occurring acid known as glycolic acid which belongs to the family of alpha hydroxy acids (AHA). These acids stimulate and loosen the dry, flaky layer created by accumulating dead skin cells.
White sugar is the result of sulfur dioxide being introduced to the cane sugar before evaporation which bleaches the sugar to be white as are most familiar.
These scrubs below use raw, unprocessed sugars such as demerara and cane juice sugar.
Though exfoliation is important for an effective skin care routine, you can't overdo it and you must be very gentle. The skin of your face is fragile and can be easily damaged. It should be treated with care, no scrubbing, or you may irritate or even create tiny tears which leave the skin vulnerable to bacteria.
Salt scrubs are great too, but if used on the face you must remember that salt can be more abrasive than sugar. Using salt for a body scrub is a great way to cleanse and detoxify by drawing out impurities. Sea salt is a much better choice than table salt. Table salt is bleached and refined, therefore it lacks many of the minerals of the ocean.
The salt scrubs below are called salt polishes because they not only contain a moisturizing oil but also a touch of castile soap. Therefore, you get the effect of a good clean as well as the expected exfoliation.
Weddings are a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to gather, put aside their differences, and focus on the happiness of two people united in love and their new chapter in life. As parents, we can only hope the nervous bride and groom can focus on the service enough to get anything out of its message. The Pastor gave some very important messages for any of us striving for a successful and lasting relationship.
People often view their partner as the missing piece needed to make them whole. We cannot view ourselves as an incomplete puzzle with our partner as that missing piece. It sounds romantic to speak poetic like that but to take it literally puts the partner in the position to feel pressured and in prt responsible for the other person's happiness. We are not a possession of one another.
The secret of a healthy relationship is to not say to ourselves, "Am I loved?", but rather say "Am I loving?". To continually question whether we are loved does nothing but put the other person in the position to feel tested and having to prove his/her love. We are told that love is a verb, which is true. To love is an action, but we have to stop interpreting every little annoying thing our spouse does as failing us in some way. that "if he loved me he wouldn't be so thoughtless" or "if he loved me he would already know that without me having to tell him". That patter of thinking adds to our own insecurity which soon puts a wedge between two people. Insecurity becomes very draining to any type of relationship and the end result is the desire to escape.
To ask ourselves whether we are loving forces us to observe our behavior and how we must appear to that other person. It puts us outside of ourselves in a better position to focus on where our energy is being spent; are we focusing more on giving or receiving.
YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A PERSON OR A SITUATION, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THAT PERSON OR SITUATION.
There are often occasions that we are up against the wall and come to realize that we just have to "accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Once you fully accept "it is what it is", a tremendous burden will be lifted.
When two people both hold their ground over their differences, emotions tend to escalate and things just get worse. Whether the other person is "wrong" or not isn't the point. What matters is that the only thing we can change is our attitude.
FOCUS ON THE FAULTS OF YOURSELF AND THE GOODNESS IN YOUR PARTNER.
Too often we expect our partner to behave as we would in a given situation. It is almost like we wish that person to be a version of ourselves. It is much easier to find fault in someone else or the circumstances of a situation than to stand back and take a hard look at ourselves. It takes work and an open mind to seek self-improvement and self-enlightenment without the defense mechanisms of denial and projection standing in the way. You'll get much farther with communication if you make an effort to build up that person rather than tear down. The two words you should try not to use are "never" and "always". Those words immediately put the other person on the defensive which can easily send the conversation downhill rather quickly.
TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER IS A GIFT.
Everything about what makes that person a unique individual is now yours to share and vice versa. Obviously, those traits are what each person fell in love with in the first place. Yet it is so easy to loose focus on any of that once the honeymoon phase is past and life settles into an everyday routine with all the pressures and worries of reality. Make a point to regularly stand back and appreciate this person who actually wants to share a life with you. Once you realize that this person standing before you is a gift from God everything about them becomes more amazing and something to treasure.
Everyone has their own beliefs in the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Relationships are so much easier and stronger when both partners share in those convictions. The world doesn't revolve around us and those who share the security of seeking a higher power for strength and guidance relieve themselves of the drain of worrying about that which is beyond our control.
THE RING IS A SIGN OF THE LOVE AND FIDELITY OF THE ONE WHO GIVES IT.
That ring was placed on the finger by your partner. Don't think its meaning is simply a love that never ends. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you! The wedding rings are never taken off because we're to see it as an ongoing reminder of the promise made to us by that other person.
The tears and emotions flooding through every parent who has witnessed the most memorable, important event in the lives of their children can be impossible to put into words. Years of images topple over one another in a flash of memory as we symbolically hand over our children to begin a life outside of our own.
So now it is time to turn the page and begin another chapter in this book we call life.
Weddings are a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to gather, put aside their differences, and focus on the happiness of two people united in love and their new chapter in life. As parents, we can only hope the nervous bride and groom can focus on the service enough to get anything out of its message. The Pastor gave some very important messages for any of us striving for a successful and lasting relationship.
People often view their partner as the missing piece needed to make them whole. We cannot view ourselves as an incomplete puzzle with our partner as that missing piece. It sounds romantic to speak poetic like that but to take it literally puts the partner in the position to feel pressured and in part responsible for the other person's happiness. We are not a possession of one another.
The secret of a healthy relationship is to not say to ourselves, "Am I loved?", but rather "Am I loving?" To continually question whether we are loved does nothing but put the other person in the position to feel tested and having to prove his/her love. We are told that love is a verb which is very true. To love is an action but we have to stop interpreting every little annoying thing our spouse does as failing us in some way. That "if he loved me he wouldn't be so thoughtless" or "if he loved me he would already know that without me having to tell him". That pattern of thinking adds to our own insecurity which soon puts a wedge between two people. Insecurity becomes very draining to any type of relationship and the end result is the desire to escape.
To ask ourselves whether we are loving forces us to observe our behavior and how we must appear to that other person. It puts us outside of ourselves in a better position to focus on where our energy is being spent, are we focusing more on giving or receiving.
YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A PERSON OR A SITUATION, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THAT PERSON OR SITUATION There are often occasions that we are up against the wall and finally realize that we just have to "accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Once you fully accept "it is what it is" a tremendous burden will be lifted, and you'll be amazed how much better you feel.
When two people both hold their ground over their differences, emotions tend to escalate and things just get worse. Whether the other person is "wrong" or not isn't the point. The point is that the only thing we can really change is our attitude about a situation.
FOCUS ON THE FAULTS OF YOURSELF AND THE GOODNESS IN YOUR PARTNER.
Too often we expect our partner to behave as we would in a given situation. It is almost like we wish that person to be a version of ourselves. It is much easier to find fault in someone else or the circumstances of a situation than to stand back and take a hard look at ourselves. It takes work and an open mind to seek self-improvement and self-enlightenment without the defense mechanisms of denial and projection standing in the way. You'll get much farther with communication if you make an effort to build up that person rather than tear down. The two words you should try not to use are "never" and "always". Those words immediately put the other person on the defensive which can easily send the conversation downhill rather quickly.
TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER IS A GIFT. Everything about what makes that person a unique individual is now yours to share and vice versa. Obviously, those traits are what each person fell in love with in the first place. Yet it is so easy to loose focus on any of that once the honeymoon phase is past and life settles into an everyday routine with all the pressures and worries of reality. Make a point to regularly stand back and appreciate this person who actually wants to share a life with you. Once you realize that this person standing before you is a gift from God everything about them becomes more amazing and something to treasure.
Everyone has their own beliefs in the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Relationships are so much easier and stronger when both partners share in those convictions. The world doesn't revolve around us and those who share the security of seeking a higher power for strength and guidance relieve themselves of the drain of worrying about that which is beyond our control.
THE RING IS A SIGN OF THE LOVE AND FIDELITY OF THE ONE WHO GIVES IT. That ring was placed on the finger by your partner. Don't think its meaning is simply a love that never ends. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you! The wedding rings are never taken off because we're to see it as an ongoing reminder of the promise made to us by that other person.
The tears and emotions flooding through every parent who has witnessed the most memorable, important event in the lives of their children can be impossible to put into words. Years of images topple over one another in a flash of memory as we symbolically hand over our children to begin a life outside of our own.
So now it is time to turn the page and begin another chapter in this book we call life.
April 16
"Dependency invites encroachment."
Patricia Meyer Spacks
This day's meditation starts with a statement that makes one stop and think..really?
"We women who do too much are terrified of being dependent." She says our fear of dependency often results in behavior that looks like independence. We have trouble asking for help because we don't trust anyone. If that is true than I know several women who appear so very strong in handling things, it is a shocker to think they could have issues of their own. Supposedly, we need to define ourselves in terms other than dependency, to not let others form our identities for us, and then we'll be free to bring our true selves to our relationships with people.
April 17
"The new space...has a kind of invisibility to those who have not entered it."
Mary Daly
In our desire to keep everything under control, we find it very difficult to leap into the unknown. To change our ways requires faith in a journey in which we cannot be sure of the way. That can be terrifying to someone who knows there has to be a better way but lets fear hold them back. All it takes is that first step.
April 18
"And to all those voices of wisdom that have whispered to me along the way."
Dhyani Ywahoo
There have been voices of wisdom all around us all our lives. Some of that wisdom has been learned from others and some has been self-taught, but all of it usually came at the time we needed it most. There are so many people who love to share their experiences and knowledge. Appreciation and gratitude are wonderful.
April 19
"Sometimes I wish I had suction cups to hold me down."
Pam
Why is it so hard for some of us to just stay in a seat! The wheels are always turning and sometimes we may feel powerless to control that urge to do something and do it right now. We can be powerful women at the same time as we can be powerless over our crazy lives. What a relief to know that if we just turn everything over to a power greater than ourselves, the pressure is greatly reduced to a level of sanity.
April 20
"You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality."
Flonda Scott Maxwell
We all need a reality check once in a while. We need to stop and take a thorough inventory of who we are and what we have done, both the good and the bad. This is much more than just focusing on things we could have done differently. This is about realizing the many positive qualities that make us who we are. Acknowledge the whole package deal and like it. Only then can we be on the path to becoming who we are.
April 21
"Until the missing story of ourselves is told, nothing besides told can suffice us: we shall go on quietly craving it."
Laura Riding
We cannot possibly offer what we have until we know just who we are. The most important journey we will ever take is the journey inward. Each of us is a unique combination of heredity and experiences, and no one else can offer what our individuality can offer. We just have to slow down and take the time to find out what there is about us that is so special. It would be a real shame to waste that potential offering in this life.
April 22
"When self-respect takes its rightful place in the psyche of woman, she will not allow herself to be manipulated by anyone."
Indira Mahindra
There are many aspects of ourselves that merit self-respect. Our competency, our flexibility, our ability to multitask, to articulate our ideas, our organizational skills, the list goes on. People around us need to accept our contributions as strengths and give us the respect we deserve. And we need to demand that self-respect from ourselves by not being manipulated.
"Courage - fear that has said its prayers."
Dorothy Bernard
I've heard the saying that fear is lack of faith. If that is true than I suppose it is correct that courage comes from being in touch with our spirituality. We take chances, stumble from mistakes and put ourselves in a position to speak up rather than silently grumble and simmer. How do we do any of those while feeling like a quivering bowl of jello? We face our fears by knowing our connection to the power that is in us and beyond us. We learn courage.
March 27
"Only the dusty flowers, the clank of censers and tracks, leading from somewhere to nowhere."
Anna Akhmatova
A line from a song goes, "Don't go straight, Go forward." There is no assurance that getting your life back on track will go easy or in a straight line. Even when we do all the right things and follow all the rules, there will be times when we feel discouraged and have the "what's it all for anyway" attitude. Even if our windy path doesn't seem to be going anywhere, realize that as long as you stay on the road you'll be going somewhere.
March 28
"If God is a fly on the wall, Nanny, hand me a fly swatter."
Gaby Brimmer
Most of us feel God has abandoned us at one time or another and feel angry. But once the crisis is past and we look back, we realize that the problem wasn't that God was absent and believing was a farce anyway. The problem was that though we appear to be turning it all over to God, we still hope or even expect things to go our way. Our way is not always what is in the overall plan.
March 29
"It is the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion."
Rebecca West
There is a difference between true passion for your work and being a workaholic. Passion feeds you but compulsive working can devour you. Our competitive world confuses the two. True passion and doing what is important for us to do does not require us to destroy ourselves in the process.
March 30
"A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain."
Mildred Witte Stouven
Not all of us have what it takes or even want to go through what it takes to become porcelain. There is nothing wrong with being a clay pot, but we all have furnaces in our lives and the possibilities of becoming porcelain. It is our faith that facilitates our surrender to the firing. Very sad is to go through the furnace yet learn nothing of what it takes to become porcelain. We all have furnaces in our lives but not all of us glean the lessons from the firing.
March 31
"Flowers grow out of dark moments."
Corita Kent
Pain is inevitable in life, but we can learn that a lot of our suffering stems from an unwillingness to let go of old beliefs, hold onto past issues, or the illusion of control. Some of us get the picture with a little of life's nudging, others need "a whack along the side of the head". Disease is dis-ease and with that comes suffering. That pain can teach us about the choices we have made. Such dark moments of despair often result in the blooming of flowers when we "get it".
April 1
"April comes like an idiot, babbling, and strewing flowers."
Edna St. Vincent Millay
One of the gifts of life is the changing of the weather and the seasons. When we fight and gripe about the weather, we waste a lot of energy. There is nothing like nature to relinquish some of our illusions of control. The seasons can teach us to take the good with the bad and even tough days are a gift if we learn to participate in what they have to offer. Spring brings erratic giddiness and energy, Summer brings time for laziness, Autumn creates a sense of preparation and gathering, and Winter makes us yearn for cozy togetherness. Take from each season the gifts it offers and enjoy being in the moment at hand. There is meaning to the quip, "Your presence in the present is a present in itself".
Everything man does seems to effect the earth, yet nature has an amazing knack for healing and adapting to the challenge of survival.
Earth Day brings renewed awareness of how we can make change and a difference. There will the be usual planting of trees and community activities but how about we look closely at our own lives and see where we can make a difference every day of the year.
We live in a society of consumerism where if you have the means to purchase something you are free to do just that. We love to shop. It's a day out, it's fun, and we all like the thrill of a bargain and bringing home something new. But that is the word we're going to focus on with this post. What is the meaning of "new"?Does it have to be newly made from raw materials? Or can it just be new to you?
Thank goodness the times have changed with the attitude towards second hand or thrift shopping. My grandparents' generation pulled themselves out of the depression era with a proud determination in capitalism. If a man or woman worked hard and was blessed to be financially comfortable than to buy new was a perk without having to settle for used. There used to be a sense of embarrassment if seen by someone you know while shopping in a thrift shop. To do so meant you were struggling financially or were considered low class.
Factory production and a market that demanded the items meant jobs, therefore to buy new was supporting the continued need for employment. That philosophy was wonderful until companies sought out the cheapest ways to meet the demand. Companies may seek to move overseas in order to employ cheaper labor and acquire cheaper materials. What has resulted is modern day slavery and a major strain on our environment.
The fashion industry rolls out the latest trends at an unbelievable rate to keep up with seasonal sales. They can do that by finding the cheapest labor markets to put out in bulk and keep prices low. Neither concern for the worker nor the source of the materials is often a main priority for those at the top of the corporate ladder.
Poor, unsafe working conditions, low wages, and few benefits keep these working people in unhealthy, high risk situations with little hope to better the future for their families.
We usually don't question just how fabric ends up with the brightest array of colors and the whitest whites. These are the result of bleaches, acid washes and chemical dyes which contain heavy metals known to be carcinogenic. Because being environmentally responsible isn't always required and being it costs money, textile industries may skirt around proper clean-up and disposal. Waste may be just dumped into local waterways or buried under the ground. Water becomes polluted from not only the waterways but chemical seepage over time should these buried barrels leak into the ground water.
Since clothing is often cheaply made, it's life span is not nearly as long as the clothes we remember as hand-me-downs. The clothing industry doesn't want you to save your clothes for the future, they want families to buy new. Combine that with the mentality that people get bored with what they have, and we have a major concern with the amount of added trash to the landfills. People
too often have the attitude that if they are going to pay for trash
pick-up then they are going to get their money's worth and fill those
cans. Please take the time to support services and businesses dependent on donations.
Most of our clothing is made from cotton. Since the 1960's the world has doubled its production of cotton. Synthetics are huge too, but cotton is still the main demand. To fill that demand we now have Monsanto providing farmers all over the world with genetically modified seeds. We know GMO crops affect the soil, the water, the air, yet feel powerless to stop it. The amount of pesticides needed to keep these crops free of pests is a real danger to not only the environment but to every living organism. People working the fields without protection are put at real risk for illness.
Buying organic cotton clothes may seem like the answer. It is a better choice, but though organic cotton reduces pesticide use, the processing and dyeing require more water and energy than conventional cotton. We're hearing a lot about bamboo since it is easily renewable. But again, after harvest the process to create a soft fiber requires it be spun with harsh chemicals.
So we may not be able to change things overnight but we can decide how we as individuals do our shopping. At least when you buy used, already purchased clothes (and anything else for your household), you aren't contributing to the initial source of the problem.
Thank goodness our children are now in a society supporting sustainability and the three R's: reuse, recycle, renew! To shop second hand is a way of boycotting the fashion industry with its wasteful packaging, sweat shop labor, and ridiculous price tags. Yard sales, on-line barter sites, flea markets, community swap days and thrift shops can be a gold mine for those seeking to save money, find great deals, discover unique treasures and antiques. Great for those who love to shop because they get bored with what they already have. They can rotate their clothes by donating them back into circulation for someone else, come home with new finds, and not feel guilty since they never spent full price on the originals.
Now to how we care for all these great finds. Be conscious with how much you use your washing machine. They say the average household washes 400 loads of laundry a year. That is a lot of water. Before wearing an item only once and tossing it into the hamper, consider if it is "dirty" enough to need a washing yet. Depending on what our daily activities are we may not have to wash so often. Be sure the loads are full before using the energy it takes to complete a cycle. Try to reserve hot water only for whites and either make your own laundry soap or buy phosphate-free detergent.
Clothes made from synthetic materials such as polyester contribute to the pollution of our oceans. Every time a piece of polyester clothing is washed it releases microfibers. Considering the vast amount of laundry in the world, that is a lot of plastic pollution entering our waterways. Cutting down on the frequency in which we wash our clothes can help.
Finally, if you are allowed and have the space, hang your clothes outside to air dry. This is another area where I am so glad times are changing. There are those with the attitude that to see someone's delicates flapping in the wind labels them as low classed. Though some housing units have rules against clothes lines, if it is permitted, give it a try and enjoy the wonderful fresh scent of clothes dried in the sun.
An alternative to buying used is to buy new but shop at your local retailers. You'll not only be supporting small business owners but you can find out from where the items originate.
The beauty of shopping online is the availability of finding sources for clothing made from natural fibers.
By the time March rolls around we are usually craving the first sightings of our old Daffodil friends to make their appearance through the cold, muddy ground.
If you are into flowers then you may be intrigued by all the stories and lore behind their names, origins, symbolism and contributions. Every month has a flower and the flower for March is a Mediterranean native, the Daffodil.
The word daffodil comes from the Greek word asphodel which means "kings spear". The botanical name is from the Latin, Narcissus. Also called paperwhites and jonquils, they are the same flower, just used differently. Daffodils are used to describe the large trumpet type flowers and narcissi are used to describe the types with several fragrant flowers on each stem.
Daffodils are perennials grown from bulbs, and are favorites because they never fail to return year after year. Often preferred over tulips for the reason that due to it being a toxic plant, rodents usually leave the bulbs alone. Containing the alkaloid poison lycorine, the plant is poisonous if eaten. It is said that Roman soldiers would bring the plants onto the battlefield and when injured to the point of death, the plant would be eaten to relieve pain and hasten the inevitable.
Though toxic if ingested, herbalists do use the sap as a cleansing agent for wound care, soothe burns and induce vomiting. It has been found to contain properties now known to help with Alzheimer's disease in the form of a drug called Galantamine.
Said to represent rebirth and new beginnings, daffodils are symbolic for spring, but also represent symbolic affection. When letting someone know that you feel the same way towards him as he does towards you, jonquil flowers are given as unrequited love.
So what do daffodils have to do with the word narcissism? You may be familiar with the Greek tale of Narcissus, the physically beautiful young man who being so self-absorbed, rejected all potential lovers. When he spurned the sensitive spirit of the nymph, Echo, he brought on the wrath of the powerful god of revenge, Nemesis. Nemesis caused Narcissus to fall in love with himself, to which he became obsessed with his own reflection in a pool of water. Not realizing the reflection was himself and not a lover, he became unable to tear himself away and ended up committing suicide by drowning. When the nymphs returned to take his body for burial, they discovered in place of where the body had been there was a lovely flower with yellow blossoms, and so gave the flower the same name, Narcissus.
The term "narcissism" was introduced in 1887 by Alfred Binet as a term describing men who were self-absorbed and incapable of developing a healthy relationship with another person. Its usage today stems from Freud's 1914 essay, On Narcissism. Freud expanded the term to explain the difference between being pathologically self-absorbed and normal interest in oneself.
People who find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist often don't recognize the signs in the beginning. In fact, the characteristics of a narcissist often are initially found to be very attractive. These people seem to always know just what to say and do and the partner may think he or she has found their soul mate. But then the roller coaster ride begins.
The meaning of love is full of myth in definition. It is not about inflated egos or manipulation or obsession. If a person is fine with being subjugated and having their own needs disregarded then the relationship may just work in its dysfunctional way. Trying to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist often proves very destructive to those involved, be it a partner, family member, friends or coworkers.
Narcissists have a profound inability to show empathy for others. People in their lives are usually there to serve a purpose for them, be it a financial stepping stone or just another piece in their plan for success. The term narcissus is related to the word narcotic, which in Greek means, "to numb". A Narcissist is numb or immune to the pain of others, they simply do not care.
Of course we admire a partner who is self-confident and a go-getter. But if there is a need for self-inflation, haughty, intimidating body language, the need to demand undivided attention from a group, impatience with the "stupidity" of people, quick to anger with anyone "wasting" his time, possessiveness over another, these are all red flags.
To make a relationship work with such a person, the partner has to be aware that they are basically dealing with a child. When children are small, they are naturally self-centered and think the world revolves around them. Normally, by the age of five, life experiences give them a rude enough awakening and they figure out pretty quick the reality of their place in the grand scheme of things. Picture the "everyone exists to serve me" mentality in the body of an adult with authority over people and it can become a recipe for disaster to the people caught up in such a relationship.
To expect to be able to convince or assume such a person will take responsibility for his own behavior without finding blame in everyone else is a fantasy. To think that working harder, loving more or changing oneself will help is exhausting and possibly self-destructive.
"We are traditionally rather proud of ourselves for having slipped creative work in there between the domestic chores and obligations. I'm not sure we deserve such big A-pluses for all that."
Toni Morrison
Whether a woman works outside the home or is an at-home-mom, we all tend to be busy 24/7 and become very proficient jugglers. We pride ourselves on calling it multitasking, but if we are trying to get a hundred things done at once and nothing really gets finished or done correctly, than that is a sign to start crossing some things off the list BEFORE we begin. Besides, creative projects should be fun, not just something else to say we accomplished.
February 20
"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it is good only for wallowing in."
Katherine Mansfield
Everyone makes mistakes, that is the only way to really learn and become good at something. Looking back and taking what we've gained from those experiences to move on is one thing, but to look back and torture ourselves for past decisions or outcomes, is only going to drain our energy reserves for the present. To become aware of any harm done to ourselves or loved ones as a result of how we've lived out lives should tell us there is still time to make amends. Too many people wallow in the past and their last days of life are spent wasting precious time.
February 21
"When women take on a career, they don't discard their female values, but add them onto the traditional male values of work achievement and career success. As they struggle to fill the demands of both roles, women can't understand why men don't share this dual value system."
Susan Sturdinent and Gail Donoff
The same skills that work in the running of a home and personal lives are not the same skills that work in business. Women who expect things to operate on the same value system in both worlds are in for a rude awakening when they enter the workforce. Women cannot let pressure to conform effect who they really are, they just have to know what works where. Trusting ourselves can be a great contribution to our work.
February 22
"Thrice welcome, friendly Solitude, O let no busy foot intrude, Nor listening ear be nigh!"
from Ode to Solitude by Hester Chapone
Don't let anyone belittle your right to a slice of time for yourself and the importance of solitude. Everyone needs to periodically be left alone, there is nothing selfish in demanding a piece of the day for your own needs, to just "be". It is easy to go go go, but we also have to remember that we are setting an example to our children. We have to give the message that it is important to take care of ourselves as part of self-value with good mental and physical health.
February 23
"Lying is done with words and also with silence."
Adrienne Rich
Jesus said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free."
Addictive behavior puts us out of touch with ourselves, and when we are out of touch with who we really are, we cannot be fully honest with others either. We have to stop letting fear rule our lives. Fear of losing our jobs, spouse, and what we've accomplished. Allowing ourselves to be real isn't a bad thing!
February 24
"We're swallowed up only when we are willing for it to happen."
Nathalie Sarraute
Taking responsibility for our actions does not mean we are to obsess over the word blame. Accountability and blame are not the same thing. Blame puts one in the victim role and robs us of power. Accountability is when we realize that we have choices in life and some of those choices may have been mistakes. We need to realize that we shouldn't blame ourselves for our lives, but we should claim our lives and move on. Take the good, the so-so and the bad with it.
February 25
"Iron, left in the rain
And fog and dew,
With rust is covered. -Pain
Rusts into beauty too."
Mary Carolyn Davies
A life without pain is a life of nonliving. It takes pain for us to realize the full extent of being human. When we fight pain, we lose the possibility of experiencing the process of its rusting "into beauty too". Pain is our own. We may not have asked for it, but it is ours to handle, and in doing so, there is the possibility of a redirection in life.
"What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want."
Mignon McLaughlin
What we do becomes who we are. Every step along the way in this road of life is a journey from which countless steps were taken, and those steps left behind footprints. Those footprints often came with consequences, some of which we may not have done again if given the choice. But what is done is done and hopefully we are wiser in the end. And then again, maybe we wouldn't change a thing.
February 13
"I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions."
Lillian Hellman
Moral slippage is when over time we begin to compromise our standards to get ahead. That may entail getting into the pattern of not being true to our own moral expectations. To wake up one day and not like who we have become doesn't fit the mold of "being all we can be". We have to value ourselves enough to realize that our personal morality is one of our most precious assets, and nothing is worth losing that.
February 14
"Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-groomed and unaggressive."
Leslie M. McIntyre
Wow, what recipe for a guilt trip! Meeting the expectations of others can be enough to destroy a person. What could possibly be left to give to those who mean the most to us if all of our focus is spent trying to be what others think we should be. Just who are these "others" anyway? Society? Time to look at the forest for the trees.
February 15
"You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now."
Lauren Bacall
Too much on one's plate can eventually have us questioning our own sanity. Those around us seem to be alright, so what's our problem. When things build up to that point, it is time to start making time to sit down and talk to people. We soon learn that we aren't alone, we aren't losing it, we just need to prioritize before we really do break down.
February 16
"It's our illusions about our illusions that hang us up."
Anne Wilson Schaef
Addictions lead us into a life of illusions. We have an illusion of control, perfection and power. To live that way only results in our missing out on what a rich life really is; in reality.
February 17
"Living in process is being open to insight and encounter. Creativity is becoming intensively absorbed in the process and giving it form."
Susan Smith
Life should be a process, open to chance encounters and new ideas. To think things have to happen in a certain way for ensured success in meeting our goals puts our life experiences into a pigeon hole. Some of the best memories we have in life happened when things didn't exactly go as planned. We have to be open to cultivating our conscious creativity. Creativity makes for a very interesting person.
February 18
"We have come to a place where frantic and panic seem integral to being a woman, especially a professional woman."
Anne Wilson Schaef
Women who do too much tend to become nervous wrecks and frantic about just about everything. We are sure we forgot something, we are sure if we were just more organized things would go easier. Part of healing ourselves is to take the words panic and frantic and send them packing.
January 15
"Make good use of bad rubbish."
Elizabeth Beresford
Elizabeth has a lot of wisdom here. If your life resembles a garbage dump, it is up to you to sort through it all, turn it over as if it were soil, and plant flowers. Think of all the stink as a natural fertilizer. When we get stuck in our minds with the never ending rehashing of past events and experiences, we are the ones who suffer as the negative energy plays havoc on our health.
January 16
"Learning moment by moment to be free in our minds and hearts, we make freedom possible for everyone the world over."
Sonia Johnson
Freedom begins from within. Being addicted to doing too much is not really any different than any other addition. If it has control over our lives and the behaviors can send your health into a downhill spiral, than we are not free and have lost our minds and hearts. Being aware and taking necessary steps to deal with any addiction affects and sets an example for others that freedom is a possible dream.
January 17
"To achieve, you need thought...You have to know what you are doing and that's real power."
Ayn Rand
Have you ever been told that you "think too much" and that is half your problem? There is nothing wrong with thinking. It's the way we do it. As a society, we have come to believe that we must be logical, rational and calculating, and to not let intuition and awareness effect our thought processes and decision making. We have to realize that our brain is a great gift, and we need to use all of it. True thought begins when we have synergy with all thought processes.
January 18
"Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries."
Corita Kent
Writing to-do lists to keep track of our goals for the day is fine and necessary so as not to get overwhelmed. The problem lies when we get so caught up in what needs to come next that we never really get anything out of what we are doing at the moment and lose our sense of presence. There is truth to the phrase "live in the present, because to be present in the present really is a present."
January 19
"People who try to boss themselves always want (however kindly) to boss other people. They always think they know best and are so stern and resolute about it they are not very open to new and better ideas."
Brenda Uelalnd
The Golden Rule states to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But if in your controlling behavior, you do unto others as you do unto yourself, everyone loses.
If your core form of functioning is to get the job done, than you just may lose all patience with any other ways than your own in getting those jobs done. That kind of thinking usually results in being hard to work with as people become turned off with our lack of being a team player.
January 20
"She was a 'what if' personality and because of that she never really happened."
Anne Wilson Schaef
Stop "iffing" and start living. Many people do this. They torture themselves with doubting every decision they make with the "what if" I'd done it this way or said this instead or chose that. We cannot cover all the bases to ensure a certain outcome. To live like that is only an illusion of control and can be paralyzing. We cannot control the past, present and future.
January 21
"The liar in her terror wants to fill up the void with anything. Her lies are a denial of her fear; a way of maintaining control."
Adrienne Rich
There is nothing wrong with feeling fear. It is human to feel fear sometimes. The problem is when our lives are ruled by fear but we are in denial about it. It is such a relief to just admit our fears, accept the fact that to live with an illusion of control over everything turns us into liars about who we are until we just may question our very sanity.
January 8, 2015
"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."
Gloria Steinem
Success demands sacrifice, focus and often the need to put work before everything else. As women this constant battle of where our priorities lie can be very draining. Women have learned how to play the game in a man's world by not letting on just how hard it is to juggle job and family. Very often the man would go off to work and not have to worry about home because his wife was there to hold down the fort. Many successful men must admit they couldn't have achieved what they have if their focus was constantly interrupted with the distractions of home and family. Now that women are trying to achieve the same goals they are finding they don't like the person they have become.
January 9, 2015
"Anger as soon is fed is dead
'Tis starving makes it fat."
Emily Dickinson
Anger is not the problem. What we do with it is. If there is one thing that infuriates women is the craving for respect and not feeling appreciated. We too often push those feelings down again and again until the moment where we explode and usually harm those we love the most. Then when we do have our meltdowns we get even angrier when people don't seem to "get it" and hold that outburst against us. We have to realize that anger is a very normal feeling and there is nothing wrong with that. Anger is harmful when it is held in and starved. We have to find safe outlets for our anger and be aware that it can be our friend by hinting to us that something is wrong.
January 10, 2015
"I don't give myself credit for what I do get done because I have so many projects hanging fire that I haven't done."
Chris
We have to stop with the seeing the glass as half-empty rather than half-full. If we put our to-do list down on paper and check them off we can see how much we really did get done in a day. There is always going to be something else added to our plate. Realizing that and feeling accomplished will help us sleep better.
January 11, 2015
"People change and forget to tell each other."
Lillian Hellman
The only constant is change. It is an illusion that there will be a time when we will get our lives in order and it will stay that way! The only way we can grow and become is through change. When those dearest to us make that step we have to be happy for them and not feel left behind or personally attacked.
January 12, 2015
"To gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else."
Bernadette Devlin
Sometimes we become very dramatic with our lives and believe that if we are to get what we want, we have to give up a lot of what makes us who we are. How often do we finally have an open slate of a day ahead to do anything we want and just wonder what happened to that person who used to have so many interests. It is never too late to re-examine our choices. We always have choices.
January 13, 2015
"And beyond even self-doubt no writer can justify ruthlessness for the sake of his work, because being human to the fullest possible extent is what his work demands of him."
May Sarton
Often told that to make it in the world we cannot be soft, but rather we need to be ruthless and harden our shell. This attitude does not often come naturally for a woman, and to achieve the success she wants, she just may pay the price of forgetting who she really is. We cannot lose touch with our humanness, our morality and spirituality. We have to unbury ourselves from the layers that make up that shell.
January 14, 2015
"Why indeed must 'God' be a noun? Why not a verb...the most active and dynamic of all?"
Mary Daly
Some of us were raised with the notion that God is something or someone who is a mega-controller. What if we saw God as a process of the universe and that we are part of that process. We can be part of that process by being who we are and not who we think we should be or who others think we should be. If God is a process and I am a process, we have something in common with which to begin.
Another post about the dangers of smoking, cancer and COPD may seem like just "preaching to the choir". No one wants the obvious pointed out yet again, and may sum it up as the rants from a bitter and angry person. I'd say it's more of a consuming sadness over the outcome from poor choices made by those we love. It's the frustration in dealing with the "it could have been so different" or the "if only" regrets people have later in life.
Being we now know what we know about the damage done by cigarettes, it is infuriating to think the tobacco industry could be fully aware of the potential addiction and harm caused by smoking. The cigarettes themselves are made to almost ensure the smoker will enjoy it enough to want another and another to the point of physical and emotional dependence.
Most of us are aware that smoking is not only limited to the smoker but the chain of potential harm extends to anyone, pet or human, that breathes the same air. But did you know there is such a thing as Third Hand Smoke?
Third Hand Smoke is the residue that drifts and settles on every object in the vicinity...the walls, ceiling, floor, linens, curtains and every piece of furniture in between. It floats and adheres to our clothes, our pet's fur, our hair, etc. I can recall as a child, how periodically, my mother would attempt to remove the grimy, yellowing film which discolored the kitchen walls.
Anyone in real estate must dread trying to sell a home where the occupants were smokers. Trying to remove that odor embedded into everything is a real challenge. Soap and water just won't cut it. Smoke residues are alkaline, therefore, something acidic like vinegar is necessary. The risk with vinegar is that it may affect the color of fabric and carpets. Carpets are such a challenge, it may be best to just remove them from the home.
Children and pets are dependent and vulnerable. The consequences of the choices made by the adults in the home may not be apparent at the time, and no one can prove anything to place blame should a health condition arise, but it seems ludicrous to even take that chance. Children touch everything and inevitably their fingers end up in their mouths. With pets, their mouths are like a child's hands, and again whatever is touched is ingested.
The main particles left behind after smoking are carcinogens, nicotine, cyanide, radioactive polonium-210, lead, arsenic, butane and aromatic hydrocarbons.
Those particles left behind don't just sit there. There is a phenomenon called an off-gassing process which is where gases are exposed to the air from the particles left over on the surroundings after smoking. Toxins are released into the atmosphere long after the smoking is over.
Just a reminder to those parents who excuse their behavior by saying they don't expose their children or pets because they go outside to smoke. They are still exposing their clothes, hair and skin to those settling smoke residues, which by the way, don't just float harmlessly away. People must realize that whatever is on their lips when they kiss their child, or their fingers when they reach for their child, ends up on that child.
Being we live in a social society where it is nearly impossible to avoid human contact and indoor air, the best we can do is just be aware of our surroundings. If you attend a social gathering where smoking is allowed, be sure to shower and wash your clothes when you get home. Protect your children and pets by not being too meek to voice your rules concerning their welfare. If people think you are being a b***h, so be it. Women are too often raised that it is impolite to speak up or make waves. That "good little girl syndrome" has to be put aside when it is necessary to be a mother bear.
We hear it all the time that knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss. Anyone who jokes that the less they know, the happier they'll be, is a fool. Back in the day when smoking was commonplace and people honestly didn't know how harmful it can be, it was understandable how they could have continued such a habit. But today, with information being so accessible, and the advances in scientific research, there is no excuse for the "I didn't know". The grown children of those who are now paying the price with their health, can see first hand what can happen. The children have no choice but to witness the heartbreak of watching their loved ones suffer through chronic illness and potential early death. They may be put in the position to become caregivers at a time in life when they are trying to raise their own families, and rather than enjoying grandchildren, parents are struggling just to breathe.
Resist the temptation to use cigarattes as a way to relieve tension, calm the nerves, curb the appetite, peer pressure, relieve depression, or whatever other reasoning there is.
Better to choose a friend who will stick by you when the chips are down, not actually stick it to you.
Walk into a beauty salon, cosmetic section, or skin care line aisle and
it is easy to get enveloped in the wonderful smells and appealing
promises of slick packaging and advertising. You may wonder what the
big deal is with the ingredients. I mean, you would think if there was
something potentially harmful in these products they wouldn't be on the
shelves in the first place.
It was very surprising for me to
learn how vague the labeling laws are in the perfume and cosmetics
industry. Unlike the food industry, there are no legal standards for
organic or natural personal care products sold in the United States. The words natural and even organic are vague and companies can put whatever they want on their labels.
The Campaign For Safe Cosmetics is a great place to start, a real eye opener.
Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to you and your family's health. Don't think there isn't a problem just because the majority hasn't yet balked and made a fuss. Don't let the influence of the glamour and subliminal messaging behind the cosmetic industry cause you to doubt yourself just because you seem to appear the odd one in your circle. Sure, when you look around, people seem just fine. But if you or someone you love develops a condition where you find yourself far too often in some doctor's office, take another look around you. Our society really does have a lot of health issues.
Don't wait until a loved one develops a condition to pay attention to all the red flags!
My sister is now going through her second battle with breast cancer. Now why? She never smoked, is a vegetarian, has an active lifestyle, yet still has to face this again. To witness what it does to a woman to lose her hair is heartbreaking. All those hair products we pile on our heads to maintain that crown of glory before we feel attractive enough to go out in public, all for naught when just like that it is lying in a heap for the trash.
It is time to fight back and take control of your health and that of your family. Read labels and educate yourselves. Don't expect the FDA or the government to have your family's best interests in mind as long as our society is so influenced by big business. Read this article about what is being found in the tissues of women (and men) who develop breast cancer. Could something as simple as switching your antiperspirant make a difference? Who knows, but it's a start.
In the past, I hadn't gotten into making my own deodorant because I just
cannot stand wet armpits and assumed without the aluminum it wouldn't work to help with wetness. I really wanted the antiperspirant part
included in my deodorant. But the constant worrying about aluminum
increasing the risk for alzheimers disease and parabens increasing the
risk for breast cancer made me seriously think about making the switch.
Containing
arrowroot powder and baking soda, this deodorant cream does absorb
moisture, and does its job for a typical day. However, if doing hard
physical work or under extreme stress, every body is different, and not
being an actual antiperspirant, a deodorant may not totally eliminate
sweating under the arms. Give your body time to adjust to the switch and you may be very surprised.
The active ingredient used in most
antiperspirants isaluminum. Aluminum minimizes wetness by blocking the
pores which prevents sweat from escaping. Our bodies are designed to
sweat and it may be harmful to force the body to hold in harmful toxins
that should be excreted. Remember that diet has a lot to do with how
much we sweat and how that sweat smells. Keep in mind that raw apple
cider vinegar and honey (1 tbsp. each) added to a glass of water and
drank once or twice a day can help the body absorb toxins. As far as the
concern with aluminum contributing to the risk of alzheimers and
cancer, The FDA continues to have the "wait and see" attitude until
definitive studies are released.
Two other ingredients to look
for in commercial products are propylene glycol and phthalates.
Propylene glycol is a petroleum based material that is added to soften
and give that glide which makes skin care products more easily
applicable to the skin. Phthalates are another class of chemicals used
to dissolve ingredients so that they blend efficiently. The argument for
these ingredients is that they are not in large enough amounts to be a
safety issue. The concern is that we use these products every day,
therefore these chemicals are always present in our tissues. Kidney
problems, cell mutations, hormone disrupters...why worry. Made with all
natural ingredients, this deodorant cream has its own nice, creamy
consistency that goes on smooth and absorbs quickly.
Arrowroot powder is used for its smooth texture and effectiveness at absorbing moisture.
Aluminum free baking soda also helps absorb moisture, but it is an effective deodorizer as well.
Coconut
oil and Shea butter are the two oil bases used. The anti-fungal and
anti-bacterial properties of coconut oil along with the way it softens
the skin, have earned coconut oil such a positive reputation that people
don't seem to mind dealing with its tendency to melt in warm
temperatures. Coconut oil begins to liquefy at around 76 degrees.
Beeswax is added to help keep the cream firm, but if your home tends to
become very warm during the summer months, you may need to place the jar
in the refrigerator to firm it back up. Whether in a solid or loose
state the quality of the product is not affected. Needless to say, don't
keep it in a warm car.
Shea butter is a wonderful moisturizer
and blends very nicely with coconut oil. A rich, therapeutic butter, Shea is gentle on the sensitive skin under the arms. Shea butter also
helps add body to the cream.
****For those allergic to Coconut oil, using only Shea butter or adding some Cocoa Butter is an alternative. Just let me know if you need the substitution.****
Being
both Coconut oil and Shea butter have a long shelf life of up to two
years, no preservatives are added to this cream. Synthetic preservatives
such as parabens can be avoided with "made to order" items that are
usually used up long before problems arise. Being this cream contains no
water, and the chosen ingredients used contain antibacterial
properties, you should have no problems. The concern with parabens is
that absorption of these chemicals can disrupt delicate hormonal balance
and build up organ toxicity. Be aware of this when you see the words
methyl, ethyl, propyl, benzyl and butyl.
Rather than be exposed
to things like triclosan for its anti-bacterial and odor killing
actions, why not utilize the power of our plant world. Certainly safer
than using a known carcinogenic pesticide.
A touch of neem oil is
added as it soothes irritated skin, and studies show it is very useful
for killing harmful bacteria on the skin.
Sage essential oil has
antimicrobial qualities and its sharp, clean smell add a scent appealing
to both men and women. The actual herb is said to reduce perspiration
if drank in tea form.
Rosemary is another very good deodorizing
essential oil. It's antiseptic properties help with healing skin,
sensitive from shaving.
Tea tree oil is not only a deodorizer and acts as an antiseptic, but also contains anti-fungal and anti-bacterial properties.
When
you make the switch to a natural deodorant, it may take your body a few
weeks to get used to the ingredients and eliminate chemicals already in
the pores.
Should you be sensitive under their arms after
shaving, perhaps you could shave the night before and apply the
deodorant in the morning rather than immediately after shaving. Some people are sensitive to baking soda in that it irritates their skin. The pH of sodium bicarbonate is around 8.3 and skin has a pH of around 5.5, therefore this imbalance can cause sore armpits for some people. Everybody is different so there is no way to know until you try it. If irritation is the case for you, I can reduce the amount of baking soda or substitute. Food Grade Diatomaceous Earth is a natural, easy on the skin souce of silica which absorbs moisture and toxins. Personal opinion differs on whether it works as well as baking soda. If you prefer the switch all together or just want to reduce the amount of baking soda the choice is yours.
******Should you be pregnant or
suffer with seizures from epilepsy, please let me know and we will leave
out the rosemary and sage essential oils. Lavender would be a safe
alternative.************
Coconut Oil & Shea Butter Deodorizing Cream comes in a 2 oz. plastic jar with a small wood applicator or as a 2.5 oz Stick Deodorant.
