May Not be Going Straight but Forward Enough

As I approached this morning like every other morning, I had to share a humorous observation and perhaps offer our married children a way to handle many an aggravation between the sexes.

Take this scenario:

Hubby goes down to our basement to use the treadmill:
1. Descends the stairs
2. Lowers the treadmill for use
3. Sets his music for use
4. Walks nowhere for 45 minutes
5. Returns upstairs

Once he is done down there I think to empty last night's load of laundry in the dryer:
1. Descend those same stairs.
Notice the foot dirt and pet hair collected in the corners and grab the dust pan to clean it up.
Notice cat vomit on one of the steps so I return upstairs for a paper towel to clean it up.
2. Immediately smell the dirty litter boxes so clean up the litter boxes.
3. Grab the dust pan again to sweep up the scattered litter around the litter boxes.
4. As I throw away the bag of litter waste, I remember it is trash day tomorrow so pull the trash bag.
5. Notice that the pets' water bowl is empty so fill it.
6. Pick up a forgotten jacket thrown over the cat tree which of course was now sprinkled with cat hair
7. Pick up the now empty cat dishes from their earlier breakfast.
8. Carry the trash bag, jacket and dirty cat dishes upstairs.
9. Gather the trash from all the trash cans in other rooms and take the it up to the road.
10. Lint roller the cat hair from the jacket and hang it where it belongs.
11. Wash the dirty pet dishes
12. Go back downstairs to get that laundry from the dryer.

And the point is?

Men have an agenda in mind. They go from point A to point B...straight line

Women also have an agenda in mind. They go from point A and get detoured. Point B is reached...eventually.



There is a line from a song that goes "Don't go straight, go forward". That is kind of what it is like for a woman. She goes forward through her day but may find it impossible to simply stay on a straight path. That is because she notices everything around her at the same time! Men usually just notice what they intended on doing at that moment. That is where so many times women misunderstand men. They interpret a man's way of doing things as lazy or inconsiderate. If a woman wants her man to do something she has to write it down and post it somewhere for him as a reminder. Stop beating your head against the wall from the frustration of why you come home and find the house in the same disarray as you left it. I don't mean to generalize, since of course this doesn't apply to all males, but oftentimes men just don't notice things the way a woman does. If you want him to clean up the place he needs a detailed list of what you want done. Don't expect the typical man to notice or even care if the laundry is still in the dryer, if the dishes are still in the sink, or even if the dog's been let out to pee.

Remember the Women's March and the sea of pink hats? During the time it takes for a woman to knit something, her mind has never stopped. Just like those knitting needles in constant motion and the yarn being turned and woven in and out, a woman's mind is a swirl. That swirl makes her a whiz at multitasking but it can also allow for that swirl to gather steam and eventually explode. Kind of what is happening behind that march.

Valentine's Sugar Cookies, HeartSweets

A lot of what makes a Home Sweet Home is the positive energy within its walls. And when it comes to showing our love for people, we have a natural urge to feed them.

Valentine's Day is the holiday of love and there are many ways in which to express that emotion. The history behind the Legend, Love and Lore is both romantic and fascinating. Hearts, Cupid, Chocolate, Cards, Flowers and jewelry are all symbols to say "I love you" to that special someone. Baking is another sure way to bring someone back to the comfort of their childhood kitchen memories of love and security.

This recipe for Valentine's Sugar Cookies can be made anytime, using any shape cookie cutter. Their touch of almond and vanilla extracts set them a bit apart from the usual sugar cookie at Christmas.

VALENTINE SUGAR COOKIE

from Taste of Home magazine

donated by Rene Schwebach

1 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

1 egg, lightly beaten

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 tsp. almond extract

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

red sprinkle sugar

In a mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar.

Add the egg and the extracts.

Stir in the flour and mix well.

Cover the bowl and chill for several hours.

On a lightly floured surface, roll dough to about 1/4 inch thickness.

I find it easier to pull off chunks of dough at a time rather than attempt to roll out the entire ball.

Use a heart shaped cookie cutter (2 1/2 or 3 inch heart works well)

 Cut out cookies and place 12 at a time on an ungreased cookie sheet.

Sprinkle with the red sugar sprinkles.

Bake at 375 degrees F for 9 - 10 minutes.

They will brown lightly around the edges.

Let cool a few minutes till hold their shape and remove to a cookie rack to cool completely.

Makes about 3 1/2 dozen

Unbaked cookies

Baked cookies

The Slow Fade of Dementia, Ambiguous and Anticipatory Loss, Grief

Caregivers bear the tremendous burden of witnessing the early signs of change in the behavior of their loved one and dealing with the anger and denial of trying to get through to the rest of the family. One very important thing family members don't understand is that unless you actually live with someone day in and day out you just don't see the same person as does the caregiver. The social stimulation of visits and the fussing from loved ones brought out conversation and smiles, only to return home and sink right back down under that black cloud.

Taking care of my mother for over two years has left me a puddle of tearful grief for the slow fading of my precious Mom and the bewildering, questioning of my own sanity. Changes in behavior brought the constant questions of what is normal for her personality, what is part of her condition, what could be a side effect from medications? Dealing with memory loss and confusion is bad enough for a person, but to add a chronic condition such as COPD on top of that and the resulting depression was enough to pull her down into a pit of despair. My desperation for her to fight only resulted in the wall between us to build brick by brick.




Together, we went through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Accepting this "new normal" as her life, having no choice but to leave her home and give up control and independence, was incomprehensible.  My reaction was to push, nag, beg, cry, whatever it took to get her to fight to maintain her strength, physically and mentally.  It was all- consuming, while my Mom continued to slowly lose a bit more of her spirit with each new day she woke to realize she had to get through another day. Fast forward three years and now that another sibling is caring for our mother, she is a medicated, zombie of her former self. The solution to the constant anxiety of struggling to breathe is that if the anxiety is relieved we can avoid the tendency to hyperventilate and thus panic. Welcome to the world of narcotics.

The stage of acceptance has arrived and she just doesn't care anymore. The version of Mom that is in the present is what the siblings actually interpret as her being "better". There is quiet and peace in the household only because there is no longer anyone "making waves" by pushing for alternatives and therapies. Palliative care is all there is now.

Gone is the frustration between what she "won't" versus "can't" do for herself. Now it is just the tender care as though she were our child. Now we deal with the guilt associated with our past reactions and emotions while dealing at that time with the craziness. But at that time we didn't understand what was going on. To reflect back now, bits and pieces make more sense. But that war of guilt continues to rage within our own minds, struggling for self-forgiveness for whatever we imagine we did so wrong.

Ambiguous loss and Anticipatory grief can be described as unresolved grief. It is different from the loss and grief surrounding a death. Closure is not possible and there is no peace because the loved one is still physically alive. This is the world surrounding and consuming a family dealing with dementia. This is the world of the patient herself as she must accept the slow loss of her own self and be very aware of it while it is happening.

There is confusion of the use of the words dementia and Alzheimer's disease. They are used interchangeably, but are not the same thing. Alzheimer's is a disease, dementia is not. Dementia is group of symptoms that affect mental tasks like memory and reasoning. Dementia can be caused by a variety of conditions, with Alzheimer's being the most common.

One of those conditions is called Vascular Dementia which is problems with the blood vessels. The brain needs a good supply of oxygen rich blood and if this supply is hindered and the brain is deprived of enough oxygen, as is with COPD, the brain cells could die. Symptoms may appear suddenly or gradually. A major stroke will cause symptoms to appear suddenly, while a series of mini strokes that may have happened over time, will cause a slower progression of symptoms.

There are several ways that COPD may affect thinking and memory. As less air is taken into the lungs, over time the blood oxygen levels in the blood become too low. Low levels of oxygen to the brain may cause neural damage with could increase the risk for memory problems. One big problem with a condition like COPD is that there is inflammation not just with the lungs, but inflammation of the entire body. Elevated levels of certain body chemicals related to inflammation can be linked to memory problems. Another issue is that because the body is working so hard to breathe and get enough oxygen there is the need to sleep more. If a person has trouble sleeping, the resulting fatigue can further interfere with thinking straight.

Since behavior changes can be so subtle, they may only be noticed by the patient himself/herself or by those who live with him or her. So the battle can begin with getting the message across to other family members that something is wrong and getting them to respect the patient or the caregiver's suspicions. It is interesting how differently people react to a physical condition versus something being wrong with the mind. At a time when family should be sticking together and supporting one another, it can become a nightmare when denial, fear, and/or the need for control over decisions, interferes with the big picture of what is best for the loved one.



Aside from going on and on with that, what it all boils down to is the fact that we miss our Mom. I miss the phone calls to rehash whatever event just happened in the family. I miss rambling on and on about the busy lives of our children. Gone is the interest she used to have in our world. Our children are going through the most exciting times in their lives with graduations, weddings, new careers, new homes...and though their beloved Nana is physically here, there is no longer the two way street of sharing in all those precious moments. The conversation is sadly one sided and often forgotten by the next day.
The strain to maintain a close relationship is becoming more difficult and though they call and visit, their lives are going on and their Nana is being left behind.

Witnessing the slow fade of someone we love is heart wrenching and everyone reacts differently in terms of their personal loss. Some hover and some run. We all deal with grief and loss in our own way and we need to respect one another without judgement. The emotional strain and pain of losing someone bit by bit is such a crazy state of limbo to have to go through. Though the mind may come to terms with the realities of the disease and expected outcome, it is unrealistic to expect the heart to be on the same time schedule. We have no choice but to anticipate that final loss, but to have to play the waiting game can be a horrendous, surreal roller coaster ride.


The best medicine in this world is love. When there is little else anyone can do, it is time to up the dose!

A Toast to our Children in the Blessing of Marriage

Weddings are a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to gather, put aside their differences, and focus on the happiness of two people united in love and their new chapter in life. As parents, we can only hope the nervous bride and groom can focus on the service enough to get anything out of its message. The Pastor gave some very important messages for any of us striving for a successful and lasting relationship.

People often view their partner as the missing piece needed to make them whole. We cannot view ourselves as an incomplete puzzle with our partner as that missing piece. It sounds romantic to speak poetic like that but to take it literally puts the partner in the position to feel pressured and in prt responsible for the other person's happiness. We are not a possession of one another.

The secret of a healthy relationship is to not say to ourselves, "Am I loved?", but rather say "Am I loving?". To continually question whether we are loved does nothing but put the other person in the position to feel tested and having to prove his/her love. We are told that love is a verb, which is true. To love is an action, but we have to stop interpreting every little annoying thing our spouse does as failing us in some way. that "if he loved me he wouldn't be so thoughtless" or "if he loved me he would already know that without me having to tell him". That patter of thinking adds to our own insecurity which soon puts a wedge between two people. Insecurity becomes very draining to any type of relationship and the end result is the desire to escape.

To ask ourselves whether we are loving forces us to observe our behavior and how we must appear to that other person. It puts us outside of ourselves in a better position to focus on where our energy is being spent; are we focusing more on giving or receiving.

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A PERSON OR A SITUATION, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THAT PERSON OR SITUATION.
There are often occasions that we are up against the wall and come to realize that we just have to "accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Once you fully accept "it is what it is", a tremendous burden will be lifted.

When two people both hold their ground over their differences, emotions tend to escalate and things just get worse. Whether the other person is "wrong" or not isn't the point. What matters is that the only thing we can change is our attitude.

FOCUS ON THE FAULTS OF YOURSELF AND THE GOODNESS IN YOUR PARTNER.
Too often we expect our partner to behave as we would in a given situation. It is almost like we wish that person to be a version of ourselves. It is much easier to find fault in someone else or the circumstances of a situation than to stand back and take a hard look at ourselves. It takes work and an open mind to seek self-improvement and self-enlightenment without the defense mechanisms of denial and projection standing in the way.  You'll get much farther with communication if you make an effort to build up that person rather than tear down. The two words you should try not to use are "never" and "always". Those words immediately put the other person on the defensive which can easily send the conversation downhill rather quickly.

TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER IS A GIFT.
Everything about what makes that person a unique individual is now yours to share and vice versa. Obviously, those traits are what each person fell in love with in the first place. Yet it is so easy to loose focus on any of that once the honeymoon phase is past and life settles into an everyday routine with all the pressures and worries of reality. Make a point to regularly stand back and appreciate this person who actually wants to share a life with you. Once you realize that this person standing before you is a gift from God everything about them becomes more amazing and something to treasure.

Everyone has their own beliefs in the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Relationships are so much easier and stronger when both partners share in those convictions. The world doesn't revolve around us and those who share the security of seeking a higher power for strength and guidance relieve themselves of the drain of worrying about that which is beyond our control.

THE RING IS A SIGN OF THE LOVE AND FIDELITY OF THE ONE WHO GIVES IT. 
That ring was placed on the finger by your partner. Don't think its meaning is simply a love that never ends. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you! The wedding rings are never taken off because we're to see it as an ongoing reminder of the promise made to us by that other person.





The tears and emotions flooding through every parent who has witnessed the most memorable, important event in the lives of their children can be impossible to put into words. Years of images topple over one another in a flash of memory as we symbolically hand over our children to begin a life outside of our own.

So now it is time to turn the page and begin another chapter in this book we call life.

A Toast to Our Children in the Blessing of Marriage

Weddings are a wonderful opportunity for friends and family to gather, put aside their differences, and focus on the happiness of two people united in love and their new chapter in life. As parents, we can only hope the nervous bride and groom can focus on the service enough to get anything out of its message. The Pastor gave some very important messages for any of us striving for a successful and lasting relationship.

People often view their partner as the missing piece needed to make them whole. We cannot view ourselves as an incomplete puzzle with our partner as that missing piece. It sounds romantic to speak poetic like that but to take it literally puts the partner in the position to feel pressured and in part responsible for the other person's happiness. We are not a possession of one another.

The secret of a healthy relationship is to not say to ourselves, "Am I loved?", but rather "Am I loving?" To continually question whether we are loved does nothing but put the other person in the position to feel tested and having to prove his/her love. We are told that love is a verb which is very true. To love is an action but we have to stop interpreting every little annoying thing our spouse does as failing us in some way. That "if he loved me he wouldn't be so thoughtless" or "if he loved me he would already know that without me having to tell him".  That pattern of thinking adds to our own insecurity which soon puts a wedge between two people. Insecurity becomes very draining to any type of relationship and the end result is the desire to escape.

To ask ourselves whether we are loving forces us to observe our behavior and how we must appear to that other person. It puts us outside of ourselves in a better position to focus on where our energy is being spent, are we focusing more on giving or receiving.  

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE A PERSON OR A SITUATION, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THAT PERSON OR SITUATION
There are often occasions that we are up against the wall and finally realize that we just have to "accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Once you fully accept "it is what it is" a tremendous burden will be lifted, and you'll be amazed how much better you feel.

When two people both hold their ground over their differences, emotions tend to escalate and things just get worse. Whether the other person is "wrong" or not isn't the point. The point is that the only thing we can really change is our attitude about a situation. 

FOCUS ON THE FAULTS OF YOURSELF AND THE GOODNESS IN YOUR PARTNER.
Too often we expect our partner to behave as we would in a given situation. It is almost like we wish that person to be a version of ourselves. It is much easier to find fault in someone else or the circumstances of a situation than to stand back and take a hard look at ourselves. It takes work and an open mind to seek self-improvement and self-enlightenment without the defense mechanisms of denial and projection standing in the way.  You'll get much farther with communication if you make an effort to build up that person rather than tear down. The two words you should try not to use are "never" and "always". Those words immediately put the other person on the defensive which can easily send the conversation downhill rather quickly.

TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR PARTNER IS A GIFT. Everything about what makes that person a unique individual is now yours to share and vice versa. Obviously, those traits are what each person fell in love with in the first place. Yet it is so easy to loose focus on any of that once the honeymoon phase is past and life settles into an everyday routine with all the pressures and worries of reality. Make a point to regularly stand back and appreciate this person who actually wants to share a life with you. Once you realize that this person standing before you is a gift from God everything about them becomes more amazing and something to treasure.

Everyone has their own beliefs in the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Relationships are so much easier and stronger when both partners share in those convictions. The world doesn't revolve around us and those who share the security of seeking a higher power for strength and guidance relieve themselves of the drain of worrying about that which is beyond our control.

THE RING IS A SIGN OF THE LOVE AND FIDELITY OF THE ONE WHO GIVES IT. That ring was placed on the finger by your partner. Don't think its meaning is simply a love that never ends. It represents the commitment, love and faithfulness of your spouse to you! The wedding rings are never taken off because we're to see it as an ongoing reminder of the promise made to us by that other person.





The tears and emotions flooding through every parent who has witnessed the most memorable, important event in the lives of their children can be impossible to put into words. Years of images topple over one another in a flash of memory as we symbolically hand over our children to begin a life outside of our own.

So now it is time to turn the page and begin another chapter in this book we call life. 

Vanilla, Nector Of The Gods

When you think of Vanilla, what first comes to mind? Mom's kitchen? Home Sweet Home? Holiday baking? Candles? Chocolate and romance? Usually it is the taste and smell factors that are most familiar to us.

Being taste and smell are important components when it comes to love and romance, it is no wonder the sweet, alluring aroma of vanilla is so captivating. We're in love with the idea of love, something we all seek and treasure. Vanilla's sweet, welcoming odor just seems to draw people to it.

According to Valerie Ann Worwood in "The Fragrant Heavens", aroma evokes emotions, as well as memory, and often the two are connected. Emotions run deep, to the very core of our being. Time means nothing to aroma, therefore deep seated emotions are reached immediately when we smell something that triggers a certain memory.

Fragrance molecules are the essential oils from plants, from which we are interdependent and without them life would stop. Worwood states, "plants are the interface between cosmic energies and the earth, upon which we depend." We can capture the aura with photography but have yet to fully understand just what is that energy. Essential oils contain this mystery we call life and their powerful inexplicable energies cannot be fully explained.

Science can study the chemical make-up of plants and record which ones have anti-bacterial, anti-viral, anti-fungal, anti-inflammatory, antiseptic and analgesic properties. But understanding their spiritual relationship to us has always been a cause for debate.

The perfume industry thrives on our desires, need for love, captivation for lust and vanilla plays an important role in all of which that entails. Something about the vanilla scent combines sexy, erotic, sweet and innocence all at the same time. You can have a floral bouquet type perfume, or an oriental exotic type perfume, or a relaxing blend, and even a modern, take on the world type scent. Vanilla fits into any of those blends.

Indigenous people are believed to have been the first to have grown vanilla. The Totonaca people of the Gulf coast were probably the first people. The Mexican Revolution nearly destroyed the natural vanilla production in Mexico which led to the beginning of the production of synthetic vanilla. Coumarin was used to disguise the artificial taste which tasted exactly like vanilla. Coumarin is extracted from the Tonka bean. The problem was that Dicumarol, a derivative of Coumarin, is used as a blood thinner, therefore with such safety considerations, it was eventually banned by the FDA.

Today, real vanilla extract is made by cutting the vanilla beans into small pieces and soaking them in hot 65-70% alcohol. There are extracts which are cheaper, called imitation vanilla. It is chemically produced to mimic vanilla with added sugars for better flavor.
Believe it or not, some vanilla labeled as natural actually comes from the castor sacs of beavers. I suppose that is natural enough, but certainly not true vanilla.

Real vanilla is described as "Nector Of The Gods". True vanilla is very expensive and the reason being is that of all the agricultural crops grown, vanilla is the most labor-intensive. The vanilla plant (Vanilla planifolia) will thrive only in tropical areas around the equator.
It is a perennial herbaceous vine to a height of fifteen feet. Being a vine, it needs the support of trees of poles and takes up to three years to flower.
The large white flowers have a deep narrow trumpet that over a three month period develop into long green pods. 
These pods remain on the vine for another nine months before they can be harvested.
Then they need to go through a drying process of curing that turns them into the fragrant brown pods we're familiar with.

In addition to its high demand in the food industry, vanilla has a lot of health benefits to offer. It acts on the central nervous system and is known to help with sexual desire and function. The sweet fragrance in vanilla is from what is called Heliotropin, and this is largely responsible for soothing emotional tension and anxiety. Such a release when anxious will definitely help with one's confidence and sex drive.

Having a euphoric effect on the brain, vanilla invigorates and uplifts the spirit while having a calming effect of the entire nervous system. 

Vanilla can even help with weight loss by reducing a person's sweet tooth.

Vanilla is rich in both anti-bacterial properties and antioxidants. Using a vanilla infused oil or lotion topically on the skin can be very useful to help deal with pimples and combat skin aging from free radical damage. 

Below you'll find ways to incorporate the enticing vanilla bean as part of your personal care products. Vanilla beans are infused into either 100 proof vodka or a carrier oil such as jojoba or almond oil. The result is incredible smelling vanilla oil or vanilla tincture to become body massage oil, bath oil, face or body sugar scrubs, body lotion, lip balms, even a hair conditioner. Just click on the caption underneath the picture to take you into the shop for more information or to purchase:

Vanilla Massage, Body or Bath oil

Vanilla Jojoba Hair Conditioning Oil

Vanilla Sage Deodorant Spray

Vanilla Face or Body Sugar Scrub

Vanilla Jojoba oil Solid Lotion Body Butter Bars

Vanilla Lavender Hand or Body Moisturizer

Vanilla Lip Balm

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 18, April 30 - May 6

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 30
"One of the reasons our society has become such a mess is that we're isolated from each other."
Maggie Kuhn

A characteristic of any addiction is that the person tends to cut herself off from people. Women who do too much are no different. Priorities tend to get out of balance and getting the work done takes precedence over social events. By not having the time to reach out to people, we tend to forget how. After declining enough invitations, people often stop asking.We tend to feel if we're just left alone we'll have more time, feel less stress and more accomplished. But in the end, all we feel is exhausted. Workaholics needs to learn the difference between isolation and solitude.

May 1
"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."
Mary Jean Iron

All we really have is the moment we are in right now. Too often we squander the treasure of what today has to offer and regret it later because we can never get those lost moments back. We have to remember that the past is done and the future my never be. Today may be just a normal day, but it is a gift.

May 2
"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels."
Faith Whittlesey

Being good at what we do is not a curse, nor something to feel vain if acknowledged. Humility can be the denial of an expertise, which is a loss to not only ourselves but to others who could benefit from our gifts. Our strange culture seems to want us competitive and passive at the same time. It takes courage to acknowledge how good we are at what we do and be proud of it.

May 3
"That was a time when only the dead could smile."
Anna Akhmatova

As with any addiction, hitting bottom is often what it takes to force one to make some changes. Once the depths of despair have been reached and the journey back out has been successful, the feeling of relief, and the joy for the chance of a new life, can be some of the most accomplished feelings of a lifetime.

May 4
"Yesterday is a cancelled check. tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is cash in hand; spend it wisely."
Anonymous

Too bad there isn't a name to give credit to this wise analogy. Nothing kills the present moment quicker than worrying about what hasn't happened yet or stewing over things that have happened that we cannot change. We need to do our lives, not just think about it.

May 5
"The social workers have named a new syndrome. It's called "compassion fatigue." Why does it sound so familiar?"
Anne Wilson Schaef

As a society, we are trained that if we take care of people, they in turn will take care of us. Relationships are built on taking care of each other, and if we took care first, we would certainly get the same in return. How naive we feel when we get the rude awakening that this isn't always how it turns out. Not everyone shares that feeling of obligation. Human nature has it that too often the more we take care of people, the more they seem to want. It doesn't take long before caregivers are drained emotionally and physically, and the feelings of being overwhelmed result in resentment. Recognizing that those feelings are very normal helps with the guilt over feeling that way about someone you love.

May 6
"Make a prayer acknowledging yourself as a vehicle of light, giving thanks for the good that has come that day and an affirmation of intent to live in harmony with all your relations."
Dhyani Ywahoo

Part of any healing and recovery is that we begin to see the good that we do each day and the good that comes to us each day. We tend to really understand gratitude. We begin to live in harmony with those around us and treasure those relationships. 



To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1 
Week 14 April 2 - April 8 
Week 15 April 9 - April 15 
Week 16 April 16 - April 22

Week 17 April 23 - April 29

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK 16, April 16 - April 22

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

April 16
"Dependency invites encroachment."
Patricia Meyer Spacks

This day's meditation starts with a statement that makes one stop and think..really?
"We women who do too much are terrified of being dependent." She says our fear of dependency often results in behavior that looks like independence. We have trouble asking for help because we don't trust anyone. If that is true than I know several women who appear so very strong in handling things, it is a shocker to think they could have issues of their own. Supposedly, we need to define ourselves in terms other than dependency, to not let others form our identities for us, and then we'll be free to bring our true selves to our relationships with people.

April 17
"The new space...has a kind of invisibility to those who have not entered it."
Mary Daly

In our desire to keep everything under control, we find it very difficult to leap into the unknown. To change our ways requires faith in a journey in which we cannot be sure of the way. That can be terrifying to someone who knows there has to be a better way but lets fear hold them back. All it takes is that first step.

April 18
"And to all those voices of wisdom that have whispered to me along the way."
Dhyani Ywahoo

There have been voices of wisdom all around us all our lives. Some of that wisdom has been learned from others and some has been self-taught, but all of it usually came at the time we needed it most. There are so many people who love to share their experiences and knowledge. Appreciation and gratitude are wonderful.

April 19
"Sometimes I wish I had suction cups to hold me down."
Pam

Why is it so hard for some of us to just stay in a seat! The wheels are always turning and sometimes we may feel powerless to control that urge to do something and do it right now. We can be powerful women at the same time as we can be powerless over our crazy lives. What a relief to know that if we just turn everything over to a power greater than ourselves, the pressure is greatly reduced to a level of sanity.

April 20
"You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality."
Flonda Scott Maxwell

We all need a reality check once in a while. We need to stop and take a thorough inventory of who we are and what we have done, both the good and the bad. This is much more than just focusing on things we could have done differently. This is about realizing the many positive qualities that make us who we are. Acknowledge the whole package deal and like it. Only then can we be on the path to becoming who we are.

April 21
"Until the missing story of ourselves is told, nothing besides told can suffice us: we shall go on quietly craving it."
Laura Riding

We cannot possibly offer what we have until we know just who we are. The most important journey we will ever take is the journey inward. Each of us is a unique combination of heredity and experiences, and no one else can offer what our individuality can offer. We just have to slow down and take the time to find out what there is about us that is so special. It would be a real shame to waste that potential offering in this life.

April 22
"When self-respect takes its rightful place in the psyche of woman, she will not allow herself to be manipulated by anyone."
Indira Mahindra

There are many aspects of ourselves that merit self-respect. Our competency, our flexibility, our ability to multitask, to articulate our ideas, our organizational skills, the list goes on. People around us need to accept our contributions as strengths and give us the respect we deserve. And we need to demand that self-respect from ourselves by not being manipulated.


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25

Week 13 March 26 - April 1 
Week 14 April 2 - April 8 
Week 15 April 9 - April 15

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK THIRTEEN, March 26 - April 1

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

March 26

"Courage - fear that has said its prayers."
Dorothy Bernard

I've heard the saying that fear is lack of faith. If that is true than I suppose it is correct that courage comes from being in touch with our spirituality. We take chances, stumble from mistakes and put ourselves in a position to speak up rather than silently grumble and simmer. How do we do any of those while feeling like a quivering bowl of jello? We face our fears by knowing our connection to the power that is in us and beyond us. We learn courage.

March 27

"Only the dusty flowers, the clank of censers and tracks, leading from somewhere to nowhere."
Anna Akhmatova

A line from a song goes, "Don't go straight, Go forward." There is no assurance that getting your life back on track will go easy or in a straight line. Even when we do all the right things and follow all the rules, there will be times when we feel discouraged and have the "what's it all for anyway" attitude. Even if our windy path doesn't seem to be going anywhere, realize that as long as you stay on the road you'll be going somewhere.

March 28

"If God is a fly on the wall, Nanny, hand me a fly swatter."
Gaby Brimmer

Most of us feel God has abandoned us at one time or another and feel angry. But once the crisis is past and we look back, we realize that the problem wasn't that God was absent and believing was a farce anyway. The problem was that though we appear to be turning it all over to God, we still hope or even expect things to go our way. Our way is not always what is in the overall plan.

March 29

"It is the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion."
Rebecca West

There is a difference between true passion for your work and being a workaholic. Passion feeds you but compulsive working can devour you. Our competitive world confuses the two. True passion and doing what is important for us to do does not require us to destroy ourselves in the process.

March 30

"A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain."
Mildred Witte Stouven

Not all of us have what it takes or even want to go through what it takes to become porcelain.  There is nothing wrong with being a clay pot, but we all have furnaces in our lives and the possibilities of becoming porcelain. It is our faith that facilitates our surrender to the firing. Very sad is to go through the furnace yet learn nothing of what it takes to become porcelain. We all have furnaces in our lives but not all of us glean the lessons from the firing.

March 31

"Flowers grow out of dark moments."
Corita Kent

Pain is inevitable in life, but we can learn that a lot of our suffering stems from an unwillingness to let go of old beliefs, hold onto past issues, or the illusion of control. Some of us get the picture with a little of life's nudging, others need "a whack along the side of the head". Disease is dis-ease and with that comes suffering. That pain can teach us about the choices we have made. Such dark moments of despair often result in the blooming of flowers when we "get it".

April 1

"April comes like an idiot, babbling, and strewing flowers."
Edna St. Vincent Millay

One of the gifts of life is the changing of the weather and the seasons. When we fight and gripe about the weather, we waste a lot of energy. There is nothing like nature to relinquish some of our illusions of control. The seasons can teach us to take the good with the bad and even tough days are a gift if we learn to participate in what they have to offer. Spring brings erratic giddiness and energy, Summer brings time for laziness, Autumn creates a sense of preparation and gathering, and Winter makes us yearn for cozy togetherness. Take from each season the gifts it offers and enjoy being in the moment at hand. There is meaning to the quip, "Your presence in the present is a present in itself".


To read the previous posts:

To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18 
Week 12 March 19 - March 25
   

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK TWELVE, March 19 - March 25

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

March 19

"We workaholics make so many promises that no human being could possibly keep them. That is one of the ways we keep ourselves feeling bad about ourselves."
Lynn

We want to be liked and we want to please. In a world where it is easy to feel invisible in the crowd, it is flattering when we are asked to be part of something. It doesn't create a problem unless we already have too much on our plates and commit before thinking through one more obligation. Over-committing ourselves can result in being overwhelmed, resenting the situation and the people in it and then feeling bad about ourselves for those very feelings. It is best to see if you can and really want to fulfill a promise before saying yes. Most likely the person requesting your help wouldn't ask if he/she knew it was a strain on you.

March 20

"For years I have endeavored to calm an impetuous tide-laboring to make my feelings take an orderly course-it was striving against the stream."
Mary Wolstonecraft

As children we are often taught to be careful with our feelings. Feelings can be irrational, unpredictable, illogical and inappropriate for a situation. We later find that it is not possible to simply suppress some feelings without sacrificing others. When we push down our anger, our joy can go with it. Suppressing feelings leaves them to fester and emerge in other ways, sometimes with destructive results. We do  have to control our emotions but we shouldn't just deny to ourselves how we really feel.

March 21

"If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?"
Dolores Huerta

Part of being human is to make mistakes. Forgiving ourselves doesn't mean we are okay with things we may have done and were later sorry. It just means we are going to get past it and learn from it. People who just cannot accept the fact that they could be in the wrong tend to get caught up in ego and can be very judgmental of others. Having trouble getting past it when they feel wronged by someone could be because they have never reached a stage of forgiveness with themselves.

March 22

"Our most important decisions are discovered, not made. We can make the unimportant ones but the major ones require us to wait with the discovery."
Anne Wilson Schaef

It is said that the quality of decisions is directly proportionate to one's patience with his or her not knowing.
Too many times we feel pressured to make up our minds about something before being given ample time to really think about it. We're often made to feel weak if we have trouble making on the spot, snap decisions. Sometimes the reason for that hesitation is just that we don't know the answer yet and just need some more time to ponder. It has nothing to do with being indecisive.

March 23

"To be somebody you must last."
Ruth Gordon

Sticking with a situation ''if it's the last thing I do" may sound noble but sometimes it can become obsessive and result in cloudy judgement. We can get so fixated on hanging in there that we may not recognize that sometimes the best thing is to just step out of the situation. Walking away from a project can help one refocus or it may allow someone else to step in. While it is important to persevere, we have to be able to discern when it is best to continue, when it is best to take a break and when to let it go completely.

March 24

"You love like a coward. Don't take no steps at all. Just stand around and hope for things to happen outright. Unthankful and unknowing like a hog under an acorn tree. Eating and grunting with your ears hanging over your eyes, and never even looking up to see where the acorns are coming from."
Zora Neale Hurston

In this world there are "leavers" and there are "takers". Zora makes a humorous comparison with hogs but does make a point. We can root around and munch on the goodies around us without ever acknowledging from where they come. With so much abundance it is easy to take it all for granted and not even think about the natural resources or the assembly line of work that made it so available at our fingertips. It is good for the soul to look up, be grateful for the many gifts among us, and give thanks.

March 25

"My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it."
Dottie Archibald

Housework is a good analogy to the busyness of a workaholic. How much of the constant repetitive housework we do is because of our need to keep busy and not because it actually needs to be done? Often, our busyness is a subtle form of procrastination that keeps us away from what we really need to be doing.
I suppose that is true, but in our household, when housework gets done it is because it needs to be done. I don't think I've ever had the time to clean just for something to do. But I have to admit to doing chores to avoid doing something I've been pushing off.



 To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4
Week 10 March 5 - March 11
Week 11 March 12 - March 18

What do Daffodils have to do with Narcissism

By the time March rolls around we are usually craving the first sightings of our old Daffodil friends to make their appearance through the cold, muddy ground.

If you are into flowers then you may be intrigued by all the stories and lore behind their names, origins, symbolism and contributions. Every month has a flower and the flower for March is a Mediterranean native, the Daffodil.

The word daffodil comes from the Greek word asphodel which means "kings spear". The botanical name is from the Latin, Narcissus. Also called paperwhites and jonquils, they are the same flower, just used differently. Daffodils are used to describe the large trumpet type flowers and narcissi are used to describe the types with several fragrant flowers on each stem.

Daffodils are perennials grown from bulbs, and are favorites because they never fail to return year after year. Often preferred over tulips for the reason that due to it being a toxic plant, rodents usually leave the bulbs alone. Containing the alkaloid poison lycorine, the plant is poisonous if eaten. It is said that Roman soldiers  would bring the plants onto the battlefield and when injured to the point of death, the plant would be eaten to relieve pain and hasten the inevitable.

Though toxic if ingested, herbalists do use the sap as a cleansing agent for wound care, soothe burns and induce vomiting. It has been found to contain properties now known to help with Alzheimer's disease in the form of a drug called Galantamine.

Said to represent rebirth and new beginnings, daffodils are symbolic for spring, but also represent symbolic affection. When letting someone know that you feel the same way towards him as he does towards you, jonquil flowers are given as unrequited love.


So what do daffodils have to do with the word narcissism? You may be familiar with the Greek tale of Narcissus, the physically beautiful young man who being so self-absorbed, rejected all potential lovers. When he spurned the sensitive spirit of the nymph, Echo, he brought on the wrath of the powerful god of revenge, Nemesis. Nemesis caused Narcissus to fall in love with himself, to which he became obsessed with his own reflection in a pool of water. Not realizing the reflection was himself and not a lover, he became unable to tear himself away and ended up committing suicide by drowning. When the nymphs returned to take his body for burial, they discovered in place of where the body had been there was a lovely flower with yellow blossoms, and so gave the flower the same name, Narcissus.


The term "narcissism" was introduced in 1887 by Alfred Binet as a term describing men who were self-absorbed and incapable of developing a healthy relationship with another person. Its usage today stems from Freud's 1914 essay, On Narcissism. Freud expanded the term to explain the difference between being pathologically self-absorbed and normal interest in oneself.


People who find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist often don't recognize the signs in the beginning. In fact, the characteristics of a narcissist often are initially found to be very attractive. These people seem to always know just what to say and do and the partner may think he or she has found their soul mate. But then the roller coaster ride begins.


The meaning of love is full of myth in definition. It is not about inflated egos or manipulation or obsession. If a person is fine with being subjugated and having their own needs disregarded then the relationship may just work in its dysfunctional way. Trying to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist often proves very destructive to those involved, be it a partner, family member, friends or coworkers.


Narcissists have a profound inability to show empathy for others. People in their lives are usually there to serve a purpose for them, be it a financial stepping stone or just another piece in their plan for success. The term narcissus is related to the word narcotic, which in Greek means, "to numb". A Narcissist is numb or immune to the pain of others, they simply do not care.

Of course we admire a partner who is self-confident and a go-getter. But if there is a need for self-inflation, haughty, intimidating body language, the need to demand undivided attention from a group, impatience with the "stupidity" of people, quick to anger with anyone "wasting" his time, possessiveness over another, these are all red flags.


To make a relationship work with such a person, the partner has to be aware that they are basically dealing with a child. When children are small, they are naturally self-centered and think the world revolves around them. Normally, by the age of five, life experiences give them a rude enough awakening and they figure out pretty quick the reality of their place in the grand scheme of things. Picture the "everyone exists to serve me" mentality in the body of an adult with authority over people and it can become a recipe for disaster to the people caught up in such a relationship.

 To expect to be able to convince or assume such a person will take responsibility for his own behavior without finding blame in everyone else is a fantasy. To think that working harder, loving more or changing oneself will help is exhausting and possibly self-destructive.


Information for this post comes from the article:
Narcissism Isn't a Yellow Daffodil

MEADOW MUFFIN MOMENTS, WEEK TEN, MARCH 5 - MARCH 11

Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

 March 5

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
Mother Teresa

It is said that loneliness is not outside, it's inside.
To some it may be hard to understand how a person can be dealing with people all day yet feel all alone. But for many of us who are constantly busy with little extra time to really connect with those we interact with, we may feel very little real connection, and that can be a lonely place. Avoiding a real closeness with people may be a way of avoiding intimacy or getting hurt. For those who feel they can easily be alone and not be lonely, than fine. But for those who feel out of sync and try to fill that void with busyness, they need to reconnect with their spiritual being in order to rediscover what is in their hearts.

March 6

"It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh."
Agnes Repplier

To be oversensitive and not be able to laugh at ourselves or at one another, is probably going to result in the failure of an intimate relationship. Getting to really know a person involves seeing their "moments" of what it is to be human. We aren't robots. We stumble and flounder and often make fools of ourselves. To be able to put the ego aside and laugh at it all creates relationships that are grounded in reality, and that is the foundation for intimacy.

March 7

"If, as someone has said,"...to be truly civilized, is to embrace disease..."
Robyn Davidson

The world can be a crazy place. When we are in situations where it just seems bizarre, over time our ability to separate what makes sense from what doesn't may get to the point where we question our own sanity. In trying to constantly adjust to crazy situations, we may start to question what is normal, what is dysfunction and what it really means to "go with the flow".  No, we're not crazy, it is just that a situation may seem to require a crazy person.

March 8

"I found God in myself and I loved her/I loved her fiercely."
Ntozake Shange

"Contact with God is so simple, and we make it so difficult."
It is only when we really know ourselves that we can become aware of the divinity that we share with all things. We are part of this whole scheme of things and once we can love ourselves we can connect with a higher power. Western culture may not appear to value the fact that spirituality is an important  basic need, just as are the physical, emotional and psychological sides.

March 9

"Part of my satisfaction and exultation at each eruption was unmistakably feminist solidarity. You men think you're the only ones that can make a really nasty mess? You think you got all the firepower and God's on your side? You think you run things? Watch this, gents. Watch the Lady act like a woman."
Ursula K. Le Guin

Isn't it interesting that uncontrollable acts of nature are so often given female names. Our technocratic society so often identifies nature as female, a force that is unpredictable and often difficult to control. Mount Saint Helens has become such a symbol. We not only have no control over her eruptions, we can not even predict what she is going to do  next, even with constant surveillance. Nature tells us again and again that we are not always in charge. It is hysterical that when a female simmers silently she is described as a typical woman, and when she blows her top she is also described as a typical woman.

March 10

"I am suddenly filled with that sense of peace and meaning which is, I suppose, what the pious have in mind when they talk about the practice of the presence of God."
Valerie Taylor

The word serenity is something we throw around as needing, yet rarely act upon understanding what it really means. To begin slowing down and taking time out for better mental and physical health, we can catch moments of peace and calm. We have to see these moments as a special thing and not get bored the moment we step away from all the action and drama around us. Serenity is available to all of us.

March 11

"My tidiness and my untidiness, are full of regret and remorse and complex feelings."
Natalia Ginzburg

If nothing else in life, try to remember what is important. End of life regrets so often include not pursuing our passions out of guilt over what we "should" be doing. Responsibilities very easily take precedence over what we would really rather be doing. Try to put your life into chapters. Things that had to wait at one point in life can hopefully be pursued at a later time. For example, being a great housekeeper with a spotless home is wonderful, but if keeping everything "just so" is simply unrealistic with whatever else is going on in life, stop self-judging and feeling the need to explain all the time.


To read the previous weeks' posts:
Week 1 January 1 - January 7
Week 2 January 8 - January 14
Week 3 January 15 - January 21
Week 4 January 22 - January 28

Week 5 January 29 - February 4
Week 6 February 5 - February 11
Week 7 February 12 - February 18
Week 8 February 19 - February 25

Week 9 February 26 - March 4