The Nicotine Habit, Why Smoking is so Tough to Give up

 As with many medical issues, people often don't change their lifestyles until faced with their own mortality by losing their health. So what is in tobacco anyway? 



Tobacco plants evolved the ability to make a nerve gas against insects. That ability is called nicotine, an alkaloid pesticide that plants evolved to defend themselves against insect pests. 




Cigarettes are the source of many irritants and poisons such as: reactive metal fragments, ammonia fumes, the paint stripper chemical acetone, hydrogen sulfide, methane, hydrogen cyanide, nitric oxide and formaldehyde. That certainly is not an inclusive list. According to David Bodanis in his book, "The Secret House", the reason cigarettes are the source of all these is because once lit the cigarette makes them itself.  During inhalation the glowing tip of the cigarette can reach 1,700 degrees F. That heat rips the tobacco and paper compounds into their constituent parts and from those basic parts, builds them up again into the poisonous, complex chemicals we started with. This is possible because under the intense heat hydrogen and oxygen come together to form water, which then superheats into steam and condenses as it cools. The chemicals have time to form in between the puffs on the cigarette which starts that process again and again. All that is going on just inside the cigarette, the dim glow behind the red hot tip.




Now imagine what is really in that smoke stream anyone around you has no choice but to breathe. The newly created chemicals of poison clot together in extremely small balls. By the time the cigarette is burned half-way down those little hydrogen cyanide balls are falling, ready to stick to whatever or whomever they land. In addition to that, the exhalation from the smoker is spewing out ammonia, cyanide, formaldehyde and mucus constituents from the nasal lining. 

According to Dr. Mehmet Oz, "Nicotine is one of the most toxic addictions-especially because of its physiological effect on the rest of the body. But the addiction itself is manifested in not only an emotional need for the drug but also a physical need; your brain tells your body it needs nicotine to prevent the symptoms of withdrawal. One reason that nicotine is addictive is that it creates pleasure in the brain, causing a feeling of relaxation. Over time, nicotine keeps your brain from supplying these chemicals that create these good feelings, and you end up craving more nicotine and the feeling it produces."



Everyone is told not to smoke. So why do people continue with such a harmful habit?  In his book, "The Secret Family", David Bodanis claims that nicotine works on the limbic system cells in the brain. By giving a boost in self-confidence many people crave, they soon think they need the stress relief cigarettes appear to offer.  Another reason that people, especially girls, enjoy their smokes is because the nicotine slows the stomach's usual movements which diminishes an appetite. Supposedly ideal for anyone trying to stay slim or lose weight. Women don't seem to realize that their idealistic body image could become an oxygen starved, wrinkled figure with thinning bones prone to fracture. Little is more harmful for maintaining a youthful facial complexion than the damage from free radicals caused by cigarettes.

The tobacco industry understands human nature. Young people vulnerable to peer pressure and normal insecurities are at a higher risk for poor decision making. Once the addictive properties of nicotine take hold, often people smoke for years until they can finally break the habit. Truth be told, many smokers claim to actually enjoy their cigarettes. Reaching for a cigarette while under emotional stress can be like having a good friend. Only true friends don't haunt you down the road.



A little encourage from popular herbalist Susun Weed:
"Tobacco is highly addictive and you can beat it. Get an extra edge on quitting by nourishing yourself with a handful of freshly toasted sunflower seeds and a cup of nettle or oatstraw infusion daily for 4-6 weeks before you stop smoking. Sunflower seeds reduce cravings for nicotine by filling nicotine receptor sites. Nettles and oatstraw strengthen nerves and cushion the impact of withdrawal."

Susun recommends the following book to help quit the habit:

The No-Nag, No-Guilt, Do-It-Your-Own-Way Guide to Quitting Smoking by Tom Ferguson, MD, Ballantine, 1987.

The Slow Fade of Dementia, Ambiguous and Anticipatory Loss, Grief

Caregivers bear the tremendous burden of witnessing the early signs of change in the behavior of their loved one and dealing with the anger and denial of trying to get through to the rest of the family. One very important thing family members don't understand is that unless you actually live with someone day in and day out you just don't see the same person as does the caregiver. The social stimulation of visits and the fussing from loved ones brought out conversation and smiles, only to return home and sink right back down under that black cloud.

Taking care of my mother for over two years has left me a puddle of tearful grief for the slow fading of my precious Mom and the bewildering, questioning of my own sanity. Changes in behavior brought the constant questions of what is normal for her personality, what is part of her condition, what could be a side effect from medications? Dealing with memory loss and confusion is bad enough for a person, but to add a chronic condition such as COPD on top of that and the resulting depression was enough to pull her down into a pit of despair. My desperation for her to fight only resulted in the wall between us to build brick by brick.




Together, we went through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Accepting this "new normal" as her life, having no choice but to leave her home and give up control and independence, was incomprehensible.  My reaction was to push, nag, beg, cry, whatever it took to get her to fight to maintain her strength, physically and mentally.  It was all- consuming, while my Mom continued to slowly lose a bit more of her spirit with each new day she woke to realize she had to get through another day. Fast forward three years and now that another sibling is caring for our mother, she is a medicated, zombie of her former self. The solution to the constant anxiety of struggling to breathe is that if the anxiety is relieved we can avoid the tendency to hyperventilate and thus panic. Welcome to the world of narcotics.

The stage of acceptance has arrived and she just doesn't care anymore. The version of Mom that is in the present is what the siblings actually interpret as her being "better". There is quiet and peace in the household only because there is no longer anyone "making waves" by pushing for alternatives and therapies. Palliative care is all there is now.

Gone is the frustration between what she "won't" versus "can't" do for herself. Now it is just the tender care as though she were our child. Now we deal with the guilt associated with our past reactions and emotions while dealing at that time with the craziness. But at that time we didn't understand what was going on. To reflect back now, bits and pieces make more sense. But that war of guilt continues to rage within our own minds, struggling for self-forgiveness for whatever we imagine we did so wrong.

Ambiguous loss and Anticipatory grief can be described as unresolved grief. It is different from the loss and grief surrounding a death. Closure is not possible and there is no peace because the loved one is still physically alive. This is the world surrounding and consuming a family dealing with dementia. This is the world of the patient herself as she must accept the slow loss of her own self and be very aware of it while it is happening.

There is confusion of the use of the words dementia and Alzheimer's disease. They are used interchangeably, but are not the same thing. Alzheimer's is a disease, dementia is not. Dementia is group of symptoms that affect mental tasks like memory and reasoning. Dementia can be caused by a variety of conditions, with Alzheimer's being the most common.

One of those conditions is called Vascular Dementia which is problems with the blood vessels. The brain needs a good supply of oxygen rich blood and if this supply is hindered and the brain is deprived of enough oxygen, as is with COPD, the brain cells could die. Symptoms may appear suddenly or gradually. A major stroke will cause symptoms to appear suddenly, while a series of mini strokes that may have happened over time, will cause a slower progression of symptoms.

There are several ways that COPD may affect thinking and memory. As less air is taken into the lungs, over time the blood oxygen levels in the blood become too low. Low levels of oxygen to the brain may cause neural damage with could increase the risk for memory problems. One big problem with a condition like COPD is that there is inflammation not just with the lungs, but inflammation of the entire body. Elevated levels of certain body chemicals related to inflammation can be linked to memory problems. Another issue is that because the body is working so hard to breathe and get enough oxygen there is the need to sleep more. If a person has trouble sleeping, the resulting fatigue can further interfere with thinking straight.

Since behavior changes can be so subtle, they may only be noticed by the patient himself/herself or by those who live with him or her. So the battle can begin with getting the message across to other family members that something is wrong and getting them to respect the patient or the caregiver's suspicions. It is interesting how differently people react to a physical condition versus something being wrong with the mind. At a time when family should be sticking together and supporting one another, it can become a nightmare when denial, fear, and/or the need for control over decisions, interferes with the big picture of what is best for the loved one.



Aside from going on and on with that, what it all boils down to is the fact that we miss our Mom. I miss the phone calls to rehash whatever event just happened in the family. I miss rambling on and on about the busy lives of our children. Gone is the interest she used to have in our world. Our children are going through the most exciting times in their lives with graduations, weddings, new careers, new homes...and though their beloved Nana is physically here, there is no longer the two way street of sharing in all those precious moments. The conversation is sadly one sided and often forgotten by the next day.
The strain to maintain a close relationship is becoming more difficult and though they call and visit, their lives are going on and their Nana is being left behind.

Witnessing the slow fade of someone we love is heart wrenching and everyone reacts differently in terms of their personal loss. Some hover and some run. We all deal with grief and loss in our own way and we need to respect one another without judgement. The emotional strain and pain of losing someone bit by bit is such a crazy state of limbo to have to go through. Though the mind may come to terms with the realities of the disease and expected outcome, it is unrealistic to expect the heart to be on the same time schedule. We have no choice but to anticipate that final loss, but to have to play the waiting game can be a horrendous, surreal roller coaster ride.


The best medicine in this world is love. When there is little else anyone can do, it is time to up the dose!

Lemons, Radiant Skin, Improved Health

Lemons have so many health benefits that it is wonderful to hear of their use in ways other than as lemonade or added to a cup of tea. More often, restaurants are even offering a wedge of lemon for glasses of water.

The juice of a fresh squeezed lemon in water has many medicinal values. Stimulating to the liver, digestion and elimination are improved, which has a cleansing effect on the entire body. Drinking lemon water helps to remove metabolic and acidic wastes from the system. By decreasing underlying causes of inflammation, the body becomes more alkaline which is ideal to help with chronic conditions. For example, if uric acid is reduced, the pain of gout resulting from urate crystals irritating the joint lining can be relieved. It may be confusing to understand since lemons on their own are acidic. Lemons contain both citric acid and ascorbic acid, which once metabolize in the body, actually alkalize the blood. Disease, or dis-ease, occurs when the body pH is acidic for too long.

With so many people trying to lose weight, using lemon water as a digestive aid and liver cleanse can be a wonderful start to using lifestyle rather than fad diets to lose the weight and keep it off. By just tweaking our daily rituals and routines to better focus on aligning the body with nature's rhythm, we can achieve our goals without the usual yo-yo of dieting. One more perk is that lemons are high in pectin fiber which help fight hunger cravings. 

Reoccurring bladder infections can be remedied with lemons! By increasing the rate of urination, toxins are flushed out at a faster rate, which helps maintain a healthy urinary tract.

Proper hydration is so important for a healthy body. When your body is not getting enough fluids you'll feel the effects. Always feeling tired, sluggish, brain fog, constipation, trouble sleeping, and inability to handle stress could all be signs that your body needs more water. Daily lemon water helps the lymph system by replacing lost fluids  from normal body functioning.

Warm lemon water stimulates the bowels, which can be a godsend for people struggling with constipation. Heartburn, belching and feeling bloated can all be helped as the digestive system becomes regulated and a balance in digestive flora is achieved.

  Promote immunity and fight infection with such good things as bioflavonoids, magnesium, limonene, calcium, vitamin C, pectin and citric acid. Many people take vitamin C to help prevent a cold, and vitamin C also enhances iron absorption which is very important in immune function. Potassium stimulates brain and nerve function, as well as control blood pressure. Lemons reduce the amount of phlegm produced by the body which is very necessary for people with respiratory or lung conditions.

 Ever wonder why citrus is considered such a "happy" aroma? It all has to do with atoms. The energy received by food in the body comes from atoms and molecules. When food enters the digestive tract, a reaction occurs when positive charged ions interact with negative charged enzymes. Lemons contain more negative charged ions, which provides the body with more energy. The scent of lemon energizes the mind, mood and body. 

Lemons are a great home remedy for beautiful skin from the inside out, as well as topically to treat blemishes. By adding lemon water to your daily routine you will be getting this important antioxidant so vital for a healthy and glowing complexion.

All the rage right now is the use of vitamin C serums in skin care to fight wrinkles. As an antioxidant, vitamin C helps to combat free radical damage which is the cause of aged skin. Vitamin C is great in treating and preventing acne, as it kills certain types of bacteria. Applied directly to age spots, vitamin C serums can help reduce hyperpigmentation. As a healing agent, it can even help with the appearance of scars.

Note to remember about ascorbic acid: If you plan on making your own vitamin C serum from purchased powdered ascorbic acid, remember that vitamin C oxidizes fairly quickly. Once ascorbic acid is added to water it is no longer stable. If the serum turns yellow, don't use it. You certainly don't want to be adding free radicals to your face. Make a fresh batch of homemade serum on a weekly basis and only make small amounts at a time.  Here is a recipe for a homemade serum:

 (1/4 tsp.  ascorbic acid powder, 4 tsp. distilled water,  3/4 tsp. glycerin)

 

According to Nancy Hearn, CNC from Water Benefits Health there is a method to how much lemon water to drink and how often.

"If you weigh less than 150 pounds and are in good health, squeeze half a fresh lemon (about one ounce) in 8 to 12 ounces of filtered water and drink it first thing in the morning for the best cleansing benefits. If this is too strong, dilute it to taste.
If you weigh over 150 pounds, you could drink the same amount of lemon water twice a day.  Or you could squeeze a whole lemon (two ounces) into 24 to 32 ounces of clean water and drink this throughout the morning.
Our bodies can only metabolize about 12 ounces of water at a time. Thus, if you are drinking more than 12 ounces of lemon water, you would want to spread it out over a period of a few hours. You will still get most of the enzymatic properties of the lemon water if it is stored in a sealed container, preferably glass or stainless steel, and kept cold.
If you drink more than the recommended amount above, it is best to add it gradually over time since the lemon juice will accelerate body detoxification.
Too much lemon water too quickly can cause uncomfortable detoxification symptoms such as headaches, bowel changes, or fatigue.
It is also best to drink lemon water about 30 minutes before a meal to help your body get the most energy and nutrients from the food you eat.

We do not recommend children under 12 years old drink lemon water on a daily basis. In most cases, healthy children simply do not need it.  However, if a child is having issues with constipation or has cold or flu symptoms, you could add fresh-squeezed lemon juice (1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon) to about 8 to 12 ounces of water, which the child could sip on throughout the day. Adding sugar would defeat the purpose, but a small amount of honey would be ok as needed for taste."

 Below are a few other ways to incorporate the wonder of lemons in your lives

Once you try homemade lemonade you will not want to go back to the artificially flavored powder mix found at the grocery store. The following is the original recipe but we stretch it by using  five lemons which make about one cup juice to 2 cups sugar and 4 quarts or one gallon water.

 

Enough lemons to made 1 cup juice (about five large)

1 cup sugar

2 quarts water

The amount of water or sugar can be adjusted to your liking

Did you know that the lemon peels contain 5 to 10 times more vitamins than the juice?

Below is a great tip to using the whole lemon without any waste.

Use organic lemons if possible to avoid ingesting pesticides which may be in the peel.

Place the lemons in the freezer. When you have a need for lemon, get your grater and shred the whole lemon, peel and all. Use these shreds to top your food or drinks. You'll discover a new taste for lemon, as well as increase the nutritional value of your food or drink. Are you aware that lemon peels help to eliminate toxic elements from the body in addition to the boost in Vitamin C?

  

Honey & Lemon Syrup/Tea
Lemon slices to fill a pint size mason jar
Grated 1 inch piece of ginger root
Enough honey to fill the jar
This is an Asian remedy to combat a cold, cough, or sore throat. High in vitamin C and an immune system booster. Honey is a natural preservative, therefore this mix can be kept in the refrigerator and used as needed. Add extra lemon slices and top with additional honey as needed. The lemons sort of dissolve into the honey to form a marmalade like mixture. Just add a dollop to a cup and add boiling water, stir to mix. Don't offer honey to children under one year of age.

This recipe is another form of a nourishing hot tea to use when ill

 Lemon n' Honey Grog
1 cup water
1 whole clove
pinch of cinnamon
juice of one lemon
honey to taste
Put the water, clove, and cinnamon in a pot.  Bring to a boil and keep boiling for one full minute.  Turn of the heat and allow to steep for twenty minutes.  Strain, reheat it, and add the juice of the lemon and honey to taste.  Drink while hot.

Make a Doosie of a Smoothie

Smoothies are a very convenient way to sneak in plenty of nutrition for the picky eater, the person too busy to take the time to sit down to a decent meal, or even the elderly who often have poor appetites and it is a challenge to get enough calories into them.

All you need is your blender and ingredients you most likely already have in your freezer, refrigerator or pantry.

Buying bagged frozen fruit is always an option, but if you buy fruit or product in bulk during their growing season, freeze the surplus and have it available any time of the year.
Pictured here are peaches, but you can use strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon, whatever you prefer.
 Wash if necessary, (berries such as raspberries and strawberries lose flavor when washed). Dab the fruit dry with paper towels. Fruits like pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon and peaches need to be cut up into pieces. Berries are simply spread out onto the baking sheet or plate. What you use depends on if you have a deep freezer which would hold a large baking sheet, or are limited to your kitchen size freezer. Spread out the fruit on the sheet or plate and put into the freezer. Don't just dump the cut up fruit into your zip-lock bag or container or you'll end up with a frozen lump of fruit. Optional to prevent peaches from browning is to stir a bit of lemon juice into the cut-up fruit. If you get them into the freezer quickly, browning shouldn't be a problem. 

Once frozen, put the fruit pieces into a freezer zip-lock baggie or container and store in the freezer. When ready to take some out for your smoothie, take what you need and return the rest to the freezer. Be sure to label your bags so that you can easily identify the fruit and so the old gets used before the new. This bag of peaches was taken from the freezer a year after originally frozen. Try to use them up within a year so they don't lose value from ice crystals building up.

Bananas have a very limited shelf life before they get spotty, soft and overripe. Don't throw them away! Peel them and then individually roll each one up in wax paper. Put the wrapped bananas into a freezer ziploc baggie and pop into the freezer. Then when you make your smoothie, a banana is always available. Bananas are often part of a smoothie recipe. This is because once frozen they are great to thicken up your blender concoction and adds a natural sweetness.

When ready to make your smoothie, simply take out of the bags the amount of fruit you need and put the bag back into the freezer. The fruit should break apart fairly easily. If it is a solid lump, just bang a bit and the pieces will separate apart again.

The recipes below are for fruit based smoothie drinks. Use your imagination and create your own recipes to include vegetables as well. Avocados and fresh spinach leaves are very nutritious and their mild flavor would not be overpowering.

Should your drink be too runny and you want to thicken it up, just add ice cubes and reblend.

An optional addition to any of these smoothies would be a raw egg. We use raw eggs in our smoothies but they come from my own chickens. Do not use raw eggs purchased at the supermarket if you even suspect they came from factory farmed chickens. Only consume raw eggs if you know their origins and are confident they are not possible carriers of the bacteria, salmonella.

PINEAPPLE SMOOTHIE

About 1/2 cup frozen or fresh pineapple chunks
1 frozen banana
1/2 cup plain or vanilla yogurt
Dash vanilla extract
Choice of either orange juice or almond milk, soy milk, rice milk, or dairy milk
1 heaping tbsp coconut powder or coconut oil (optional)
1 tbsp flax seed oil (optional)

Gradually add either the orange juice OR one of milk types while blending.
Add only enough until you reach your preferred consistency.
Blend about 30 seconds or until smooth and creamy.
 Serves 1

BERRY BERRY BLEND SMOOTHIE

About 1/2 cup frozen or fresh berries or combination of types of berries
1 frozen banana
1/2 cup plain or vanilla yogurt
Dash vanilla extract
Almond milk, soy milk, rice milk, or dairy milk
1 heaping tbsp coconut powder or coconut oil (optional)
1 tbsp flax seed oil (optional)

Gradually add one of the milk types while blending.
Add only enough until you reach your preferred consistency.
Blend about 30 seconds or until smooth and creamy.
Serves 1

CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER SMOOTHIE 

1 frozen banana
1 tbsp peanut butter
1/2 cup almond milk, soy milk, rice milk, or dairy milk
1 heaping tbsp coconut powder or 1 - 3 tsp. coconut oil (optional)
1 tbsp flax seed oil (optional)
Dash vanilla extract
2 - 4 tbsp. chocolate chips, carob chips or raw cacao ribs 
Handful of ice cubes
 
Blend about 30 seconds or until smooth and creamy.
Serves 1


Enjoy!

Third Hand Smoke, Another Risk Factor

 Another post about the dangers of smoking, cancer and COPD may seem like just "preaching to the choir". No one wants the obvious pointed out yet again, and may sum it up as the rants from a bitter and angry person. I'd say it's more of a consuming sadness over the outcome from poor choices made by those we love. It's the frustration in dealing with the "it could have been so different" or the "if only" regrets people have later in life.

Being we now know what we know about the damage done by cigarettes, it is infuriating to think the tobacco industry could be fully aware of the potential addiction and  harm caused by smoking.
The cigarettes themselves are made to almost ensure the smoker will enjoy it enough to want another and another to the point of physical and emotional dependence. 

Most of us are aware that smoking is not only limited to the smoker but the chain of potential harm extends to anyone, pet or human, that breathes the same air. But did you know there is such a thing as Third Hand Smoke?


Third Hand Smoke is the residue that drifts and settles on every object in the vicinity...the walls, ceiling, floor, linens, curtains and every piece of furniture in between. It floats and adheres to our clothes, our pet's fur, our hair, etc. I can recall as a child, how periodically, my mother would attempt to remove the grimy, yellowing film which discolored the kitchen walls.

Anyone in real estate must dread trying to sell a home where the occupants were smokers. Trying to remove that odor embedded into everything is a real challenge. Soap and water just won't cut it. Smoke residues are alkaline, therefore, something acidic like vinegar is necessary. The risk with vinegar is that it may affect the color of fabric and carpets. Carpets are such a challenge, it may be best to just remove them from the home.

Children and pets are dependent and vulnerable. The consequences of the choices made by the adults in the home may not be apparent at the time, and no one can prove anything to place blame should a health condition arise, but it seems ludicrous to even take that chance. Children touch everything and inevitably their fingers end up in their mouths. With pets, their mouths are like a child's hands, and again whatever is touched is ingested.

The main particles left behind after smoking are carcinogens, nicotine, cyanide, radioactive polonium-210, lead, arsenic, butane and aromatic hydrocarbons.
Those particles left behind don't just sit there. There is a phenomenon called an off-gassing process which is where gases are exposed to the air from the particles left over on the surroundings after smoking. Toxins are released into the atmosphere long after the smoking is over.

Just a reminder to those parents who excuse their behavior by saying they don't expose their children or pets because they go outside to smoke. They are still exposing their clothes, hair and skin to those settling smoke residues, which by the way, don't just float harmlessly away. People must realize that whatever is on their lips when they kiss their child, or their fingers when they reach for their child, ends up on that child.

Being we live in a social society where it is nearly impossible to avoid human contact and indoor air, the best we can do is just be aware of our surroundings. If you attend a social gathering where smoking is allowed, be sure to shower and wash your clothes when you get home. Protect your children and pets by not being too meek to voice your rules concerning their welfare. If people think you are being a b***h, so be it. Women are too often raised that it is impolite to speak up or make waves. That "good little girl syndrome" has to be put aside when it is necessary to be a mother bear.

We hear it all the time that knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss. Anyone who jokes that the less they know, the happier they'll be, is a fool. Back in the day when smoking was commonplace and people honestly didn't know how harmful it can be, it was understandable how they could have continued such a habit. But today, with information being so accessible, and the advances in scientific research, there is no excuse for the "I didn't know". The grown children of those who are now paying the price with their health, can see first hand what can happen. The children have no choice but to witness the heartbreak of watching their loved ones suffer through chronic illness and potential early death. They may be put in the position to become caregivers at a time in life when they are trying to raise their own families, and rather than enjoying grandchildren, parents are struggling just to breathe.

Resist the temptation to use cigarattes as a way to relieve tension, calm the nerves, curb the appetite, peer pressure, relieve depression, or whatever other reasoning there is.
Better to choose a friend who will stick by you when the chips are down, not actually stick it to you.

Notes From The Heart of a Caregiver

“Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.” – Helen Keller

1. Caregivers don't plan on this bend in the road of their lives. No one can possibly know what they are going to do in a given situation until it is upon them. There is no job training to prepare one for the demands of a job that often only seems to be going downhill. With medical conditions and the effects of the drugs to manage those conditions, it may seem that there is always something popping up, adding another specialist to the list of diagnosis codes.
This is a journey that takes both the loved one and the caregiver down one of the most vulnerable, emotional, guilt ridden, physically exhausting roads imaginable.

2. Opening up your home to an aging parent may seem the most practical, cost efficient, loving thing to do. But do not do this in haste or through emotion. Go into it with your eyes wide open and realize that once you make the decision, you are all in for the long haul.
Don't naively assume that other family members will be so grateful that the burden was taken off their minds that they will be making a trodden down path to your door offering empathy and help. Don't assume that their knowing their loved one is well taken care of amidst family and not forced to be placed in an Assisted Living facility that it will bring the family closer together. Don't assume the amount of money save will be appreciated in leaps and bounds.
Notice I mentioned the word "assumed" several times.

3. You cannot force anyone to become a caregiver or step up to the plate for a commitment. We all have busy lives, and carving out time for additional responsibilities, may not be welcomed with any kind of enthusiasm. Do not assume that just because the time has come, the children will offer their services. Yes, he or she is their parent too, but you cannot assume they will think the way you do, or for that matter, to even feel obligated. Be very prepared for the fact that you, the caregiver, just may be labeled the martyr, who has no right interrupting their lives or making demands based on principal. Their attitude may be on a subconscious level, it may be their way of handling the reality that they are slowly losing their parent. The outcome is that however things become construed, the caregiver may feel shunned and wonder where it all went so wrong.

4. With or without a family support system, the time may come where outside services are necessary. Physical limitations, chronic or terminal health considerations, and safety issues all take their toll on everyone involved and oftentimes it is best to get an opinion from a third party who can observe the family dynamics from the outside looking in.
When I took matters into my own hands and inquired into a support group and requested the help of a Case Manager, we all received wonderful advice about available services. But it also backfired. I opened up our family's business to an "outsider", to which in their minds I had no right to do. So, yes I got the information I needed and the siblings were educated a bit as to the reality of the situation, but in the end we became more estranged than before.

5. Don't bang your head against the wall trying to make someone happy. How people view things in life became ingrained throughout their lifetimes. Some people have trouble gracefully accepting from others without that feeling of something being owed in return. It is very hard to change such an attitude, since it is usually tied in with a fierce sense of pride and independence. Some people see the "cup as half full", others only see the "cup as half empty" and focus on the negative. If someone is unhappy with themselves, that attitude shows, and it has nothing to do with the other person. It has nothing to do with not being grateful. It's just a black cloud that won't rain itself out, it continues to hang low and heavy, blocking out any sunshine trying to poke through. If you as the caregiver are trying to maintain a home full of positive energy and warmth, be that ray of sunshine and just shine on. Continue to do what you've been doing as far as keeping the person safe, clean, fed and medically cared for. If they choose to wallow in their misery, it is their choice, don't get pulled down too.

6. Separate yourself, step outside the situation, or it will destroy you. Love them and supply their needs but consider it a job, and do it well. You cannot try to drag a mule to water for very long without finding yourself on the losing end of the rope.We all know that unless we take care of ourselves, we are of no use in caring for another. If you don't have family support for respite care so you can get away from the situation, even if it's just a few hours at a time, then seek outside services. There are agencies who have people who will come to your home, and just keep your loved one company at minimal cost to you. Check with your County's Area Agency On Aging for information as to what's available in your area for help in the care of your parent. They can also let you know where support groups are held. It is imperative that you have someone to talk to, vent to, to know there are others in your situation.
Be sure to try to get enough sleep, eat properly and exercise. Neglect of these basic needs will catch up to you and you may find yourself falling into your own state of depression or you may develop a chronic illness due to the prolonged stress.

7. You, the child, has now become the parent.
I don't know how many times I have asked myself the following questions:,
 "What am I dealing with?"
 "What is real and what is learned helplessness?"

When this journey began, satisfying my mother's every need was very rewarding. After a lifetime of hard work, worries and stress, she was simply worn out. Taking care of her was a pleasure if it made her life easier and a time of deserved rest. Our mother admitted she enjoyed being taken care of. But as any parent knows, that stage of being totally depended upon eventually ends. And by then the parent is more than ready for this next stage because it it physically and emotionally exhausting.

When a parent moves into their adult child's home, he or she may always feel a guest. You can do everything in your power to make them feel welcome, help them feel productive, and giving them their own space to make it their own. How the parent adapts to his or her new living situation has a lot to do with personality and medical condition.  Two years later we still do not know if our mother's refusal to learn anything new, such as the kitchen appliances, is simply her lack of accepting change or a realistic health concern with developing Dementia. Regardless, the lack of self-sufficiency is a daily drain on whomever is depended upon for meals, laundry, hygiene, medications, errands, doctor appointments, etc.

Over time, this daily frustration resulted in many an episode of an outburst, followed with bouts of guilt and apologies. Just like a parent nagging a child about what is good for them, the caregiver may be at wit's end trying to get through to the parent about what he or she should be doing to improve their mental and physical health. Too much television, too much laying in bed, unwillingness to exercise, refusal to go outdoors in the fresh air, refusal to leave their room and join the rest of the family, refusal to get involved in activities that would be wonderful mental stimulation with people, the list goes on and on. This nagging ends up being just like the type of parenting called "policing" where the child simply tunes out the tone of voice of the parent.

While very aware and empathetic towards the life she must now accept, it is maddening to witness  a person letting life pass her by, holed up in her room with little interest in much of anything. Anti-depressants may or may not work. For some people anti-depressants can make all the difference, but in other cases the side effects outweigh the potential benefits.
Do your research into these medications and consider natural supplements and alternative therapy.

8. Our children were a full time responsibility at one time, needing round the clock care and supervision. The difference between the demands of children and the demands of a elderly parent, is that with children, their learning experiences move them forward towards autonomy and independence. Older parents with failing health are moving backwards. Those who see them every day have no choice but to witness the heartbreaking loss of their losing a little more of themselves, bit by bit, and being fully aware of it. For those dealing with confusion and forms of Dementia, they say the hardest part is the early stages when the patient knows what is happening to them and feeling powerless to stop it. The denial, anger, and depression that follows can be overwhelming. To know one is losing their physical health on top of losing one's mental faculties is gut wrenching. It is very, very difficult for the caregiver to realize that no matter what efforts they make to try to bring a smile back on their loved one's face is often futile and it is time to just leave them alone. Accepting what is, is a monumental hurdle to being able to go on.

9. It is hard enough when a person is forced to deal with the loss of their physical abilities, but when their mental faculties become threatened as well, it can become a sinking hole.
It may feel like that person you knew may be gone. You have to remember that even if your parent cannot communicate or behave the way you are familiar, that person is still in there, and needs all the support possible.
With the stages of Dementia, it is often a grieving process that the family has to go through twice. We have to understand that this person who is our parent is still our mother or father. The person may not be who we remember, but we have to stop trying to force him or her to be that person again. It is different now, a new normal, and we must accept their loss even while they are still living. Then when the day comes when their physical body passes on, we must grieve their loss all over again.

10. Accept what is with each day. As you notice something new in behavior or level of ability, deal with another chip falling away and accept it. As with many things in life, it is what it is, and we have no choice but to accept what we cannot change.

11. The decision to place a loved one in an Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing facility is often the most guilt ridden, tortured decision a person has to make. But if the care of a parent becomes overwhelming, it may be what is best for everyone in the end.
Do your homework before you need a facility. Do not wait until your loved one is in the hospital and then you are scrambling to "find a bed" somewhere. You don't want to just find a place anywhere that has an opening. Yes, availability will fluctuate, but at least you'll already have an idea of what facilities are of the quality care you want and you are aware of the costs involved. Understand the difference between Assisted Living and Skilled Nursing Care. Find out what benefits your parent's insurance has in regards to long term care. Find out what the co-pays will be, and for how long, find out what will be the out-of-pocket expenses. Know ahead of time exactly what the financial status is so you'll know if your parent qualifies for medicaid, program benefits, or if it will be mostly private pay. Make sure someone is designated to be the Financial Power of Attorney and someone is designated to be the Medical Power of Attorney. Privacy laws are very strict and even though you may be immediate family, you'll be in for many a headache unless the paperwork is there, especially if the parent can no longer make important decisions regarding his or her welfare.

12. You may not be able to change a situation, but you can change your attitude towards that situation. When I was first told this little tidbit of advice I was furious. I felt my husband hadn't a clue what we were going through and was pointing a finger at me for being part of the problem. But the more I thought about it, I realized that my relationship with my mother was so intertwined and complicated that my frustrations resulted not in her change of attitude, but in pulling her down even further out of guilt and feeling a burden.



Try to maintain your sense of humor. Sometimes things can get so ridiculous that instead of losing your temper from exasperation, take a moment to breathe and you may end up just laughing.

Living with Chronic Illness

Feeling invincible and having the world by the tail is a wonderful thing. That sense of vitality and control over one's life can be stripped away in an instant with one sentence from your physician, "You have a condition called ......... There is no known cure, but you can live a normal lifespan with proper management."

Chronic illness can make or break a person. It can change the entire dynamics of a family. No one knows how strong they are until they have to be. It is a fact that a sour attitude and disposition can not only be a drain on one's own immune system, but that of an entire household if that home is filled with the black cloud of negative energy.

There is no denying that illness is a pain in the touche. But by damned if you need to let it become you. Don't let yourself sink into the mentality that "life sucks".
Having a condition does suck, but life doesn't have to.
The wisdom behind these quotes are true for everyone, not just those with physical or mental challenges or illness.

1. It's the little things, the little everyday achievements. It can be a good day, Get up, get with it, do what has to be done and go with the flow. Do not obsess on the negative. The cup really is half full.

2. You may not be able to change a person or a situation, but you can change your attitude towards that person or situation. There are always people who will never understand. There is no way they can unless they walk in your shoes. Especially if you have to hear "but you don't look sick". Embrace the wisdom behind the Serenity Prayer.



 3. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The Golden Rule exists in most all cultures. Treating others with respect and kindness is just the moral, ethical thing to do. If you get disgusted with people just remember, how people treat others is a reflection on how they feel about themselves, it is nothing personal towards he or she at the brunt of that negativity.


4. Don't lose your smile. Have a sense of humor. Not everyone is the laugh out loud bubbly type but having a wry sense of humor that only comes from someone with a chronic illness is not the same as having a sour attitude.


5. Don't become a bitter person. You may have a condition, but don't let the condition define you. It may limit you, it may shape your attitude being such a pain in the ass, but it is not who you are.


6. Don't focus on the past. To obsess over activities once enjoyable but of which you are no longer capable is a sure ticket for depression.


7. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Live in the moment, since in reality what else is there. Prepare for the future in terms of having your finances in order, have a living will, a financial and medical power of attorney, and a will so your love ones know your final wishes. Then file away all that paperwork and start living.


8. Use it or lose it. It is a proven fact that those who exercise their mind and body live longer. It isn't just maintaining flexibility and strength in your limbs. You need good cardiovascular circulation and oxygen exchange to keep your organs functioning at their best. Believe in the whole mind/body connection attitude towards your health. Don't become a list of diagnosis codes as if each is a problem all by itself. Move, meditate, breathe.



9. Don't lose your vitality.  The opposite of depression isn't happiness, but vitality. Ask yourself, "Will someone else's life be brighter tomorrow because of what you have done today?" By William Arthur Ward
Having a sense of purpose is the key to fulfillment and a reason to get up in the morning. That sense of purpose is often at risk after retirement once we no longer can describe ourselves with a job title. That sense of purpose is often at risk once we experience limitations due to failing health.
Once away from the action of the workplace, it is easy to feel forgotten and alone. Don't let this happen to you. Get involved in another direction. Rediscover who you are and interests that got put on the back burner over the years.


10. "Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto." by Dale Carnegie

Boredom should not exist. There is just too much to do in this life.
Think about each of the eight things listed below. As a child, our educations focused too much on literacy and not enough on our whole person. Happiness isn't something down the road that will come to us if we work harder, or when we have more free time, or more money. Develop these areas and you'll understand that the definition of happiness is contentment.

Exercise
Diet and Nutrition
Time in Nature
Contribution and Service
Relationships
Recreation
Relaxation & Stress Management
Religious & Spiritual

Help the Homebound become Bird Enthusiasts

Boredom is a very real problem with shut-ins and the homebound, especially during the winter months when cold weather and conditions may limit their social lives.

To set up a bird feeding station is a wonderful, stimulating idea to give people something to occupy their time. To sit by a window and watch the fluttering bird activity can be very interesting and entertaining for those who would ordinarily rely on the television to pass the time. Anxiety and depression over failing health issues are common among the chronically ill and the elderly. To connect with a part of nature again can be psychologically healing and a boost for the spirits. An interest in something outside of one's personal problems is a wonderful thing.

There are various types of feeders from which to choose.
If squirrels are a problem, a hopper style is a good idea. If anything heavier than the weight of a bird sits on the perch, it lowers and closes off the feed openings.

Tube feeders are very common and many have interchangeable ports so you can use the perch type for regular seed and the slit type for using  thistle seed.

Another option for thistle seed is the tube sock. These are cheaper but don't last as long since eventually the sock gets torn. Finches love niger or thistle seed which is best offered in thistle feeders which allow them to feed upside down.


Suet blocks are very appreciated, especially by woodpeckers and nuthatches, who are so pretty to watch skimming up and down the tree trunks.

The feed we use consistently is black oil sunflower seeds. These nutritious seeds are a powerhouse of needed fat and protein for a variety of birds. On snowy days, there is a constant flow of activity from cardinals, bluejays, mourning doves, titmice, black-cap chickadees, sparrows, juncos and finches. Nothing is wasted. Any spillage of seed from the feeders themselves is soon cleaned up by those birds who don't usually perch at a feeder, such as the mourning doves.

I add a bit of what is called Flyer's Choice which is a combination of sunflower seeds, safflower, and white millet. Don't bother with the inexpensive feeds with red millet. The birds often just bypass it and knock it out of the feeder. I used to mix cracked corn with the feed for the ground feeders, but stopped because I just attracted more starlings, who then cleaned me out of suet.

If you supply food, try to offer a water source as well. The heated bird bath pictured as well as any of your feeders can be purchased from The Garden Supply catalog, but most likely they are offered at any good farm supply store or nursery. You'll need a power outlet, but what is convenient is that this bird bath is made of heavy duty plastic yet isn't that heavy. Therefore, you can move it from wherever you put it in your gardens for the summer months to a place supplying power for the winter. The cord wraps neatly inside the stand when not being used. Birds don't like deep water so I keep a rock in the middle of the bowl for them to have a solid perch. Plus the weight helps keep the bowl from tipping on a windy day.

 
If you have cats and let them outside, try to keep your cats inside during the busiest feeding times, which are in the early mornings and at dusk. Once birds sense danger they are less apt to visit your stations.

Below are pictures of birds commonly seen around feeders here in the Northeast, United States: 

Black-Capped Chickadee

Female Cardinal

House Finch

House Sparrow

Dark-Eyed Junco

Bluejay

Mourning Dove

Nuthatch

Titmouse

Red-Bellied Woodpecker

Downy Woodpecker